So what are your silver linings in the gender wars?

[BettyFilous]

In the interests of balance, what have the upsides of the gender wars been for you?

For me:

• Introduced me to highly engaging and thought-provoking thinkers, writers and podcasters
• Got me reading far more widely than I was when I was in my comfy groove
• Made me think much more critically and check my assumptions in all aspects of my life
• Showed me what a collective force women can be and how we tackle significant problems with creativity, wit and good humour
• Róisín Murphy! How could I have missed such a bright talent?

There’s so much more but that’ll do for now. Happy Thursday!

Ah, thanks for the kind words. ☺️ We both still do our part in pushing back against gender ideology, and it's quite important to have that shared point of view in our relationship.

I think getting on with life can deaden you a bit and you lose touch with the youthful, vigorous beliefs you once had. I know I did. But this came along and now the familiar fire that I thought I had lost is still there. It has put me back in touch with the young woman who used to bristle at being called a feminazi but it didn't change a single thing and I'm glad she's back.

I appear to be more able to interpret bs that people seem to grumble about but accept - it's honed my ability to compose a good letter of complaint and link to all sorts of laws!

Same

I also contributed and although I'm under no illusions as to my poetry prowess, it does give me a wee thrill when I look at the actual, physical copy of the book on my shelf - it's like a small embodiment of this board.

A silver lining for me has also been the positive outcomes of the strange, carefully worded conversations which reveal women who also believe that women should have rights. Those kindred spirits who say 'can you believe....!'

I do imagine that when I'm not looking the book opens and lots of little tiny versions of us come out and sit on the shelf just nattering.

Someone is whinging about the fact that I don't dust often enough, someone else is not too quietly judging my book choices whilst we all break bits off what is a gigantic tea cake. Bit like bagpuss and toy story combined.

They made me realize that to hate the opposite sex is to hate your own sex. Men and women are two sides of the same coin.

Awwww!

This is a nice thread. Lots of my silver linings are similar to what has already been mentioned.

I think I’ve become a bit more badass about things, in a good way. By that I mean I think my mental health and self confidence has improved because I am less of a people pleaser and not ruminating and upsetting myself over what other people think of me.

I have upped my intellectual game significantly from all the reading and listening I have done.

I have been reminded of how bloody brave and tenacious women can be.

I have never read a word of JKR, but think she's one of the finest women who has ever breathed.

I have sharpened my understanding of the importance and implications of free speech.

I have dropped political/tribal allegiances and feel somehow more able to make connections with people whose views do not always align with mine.

I'm actually MORE tolerant in some ways than I ever was. I enjoy holding my views lightly in the sense that if I am proved wrong I hope I will shift accordingly.

I didn't do a serious post.

I learned so much about the law and politics and evidence based medecine and psychology and males and statistics and friendship and courage and authority and authoritarianism and history and coercive control and tenacity and tactics and ...

making shorter posts.

I had no idea it was possible to roll my eyes so much without damage to the optic nerve.

More seriously, just how eloquent and thoughtful and brave some people (mainly women) are.

Obliterated any old ways of thinking about 'how to be a man' or 'how to be a woman'.

Demolished my old views on feeling 'a bit blokey' and not being a 'proper' woman.

There is no such thing. It's been very liberating and informative.

Aw shucks and thanks @Pudmyboy !
Also congratulations to @BiologicalKitty and partner, Yeehaa!
And thanks for sharing @Nodeepdiving !
Great thread Op, I suspect more silver linings coming our way....

I know about archiving 😎

@AgnestaVipers

Couldn't have said it myself!

Losing my belief that virtue resides on the left was a grief but I now see it as a huge liberation - I'm much more open to new political ideas, much more questioning of accepted wisdom and rigid thinking, have made new friends and feel, ironically, more 'awake' than at any other time in my life.

Yas min!

I have learned to question our media more and not assume that everything which is reported in mainstream media is reported accurately. If the media can be biased about fwr issues what else are they biased about?

I found FWR. What's the old mn cliche? Something about came here for the baby advice and stayed for the feminism?

I've found I question everything much more. I saw a sign in a window earlier that said "Be Nice". Other people may think this is OK but I think being nice means your boundaries will be walked all over. I'd prefer a sign that said "stand up for what you believe in".

I am in the US. A nurse for nearly 50 years. I armed myself with advanced degrees and retired as a professor. A former colleague and I began a invite only advice column for young girls. We got into 'trouble' from a person who be came a member by lying about who they were. We told these young girls who asked for advice that menstruation was a normal and natural part of becoming a woman. Now this person who came to our site said they were going to sue us into oblivion if we did not consider the "trans experience" that they too were normal and natural women". My colleague's spouse is an attorney and he told them in legal terms to
pound sand.

Through all of this I heard about MN.

I'm very ordinary but it's caused me to do something which has turned out to be important and to have made a difference.

Resonate with so much that has already been said. For me, it's coming across so many brilliant, intelligent, strong, funny, courageous, insightful pp that I wouldn't have known about otherwise. For example;
Maya Forstater
Helen Joyce
Jane Clare Jones
Kathleen Stock
Kellie Jay Keen
Janice Turner
Andrew Doyle
Derrick Jensen
Kara Dansky
Linda Blade
Riley Gaines
Trigonometry guys.
the Mess we 're. in
And so many more

it's made me more open minded, I've challenged a lot of my assumptions about the world, and, best of all, I've now got some great, real life, feminist friends, we've been to Filia 3 times, protested outside women's prisons, stickered and leafletted our local areas, put on a production of The Vagina Monologues, gone on a women's retreat, had a feminist book club, gone to LWS events, and lots more. It's given me a sense of purpose and I'm so proud to be part of the worldwide movement standing up for women and children across the world!

Unironically I like how obvious it makes misogyny. It wasn’t as clear to me before, how it worked, how and it was a constant nagging feeling of wrongness, like I was being gaslighted but I wasn’t entirely sure how.

I expect this is an age thing that would have happened anyway (in my 40s now) but then I’m aware that even some right wing men have had to admit that misogyny exists, because TRAs are so blatant about it.

A very perceptive observation, Heliotroper, and one that fits a whole section of the jigsaw puzzle together.

I’m still baffled by the involvement of supposed socialists in the solipsistic gender-identity movement. But like many PPs, I’ve made new friends, learnt a lot and been inspired by some real heroes.

Losing respect for The Guardian was painful. But the Sunday Times made up for that by remembering what journalism is meant to do, and standing up as its brilliant investigative reporters did in the 1960s.