Struggling to support JK Rowling…

[NitroNine]

…because what sort of actual monster wants coffee [& walnut] cake for their birthday cake?

She even boasted about this [book-themed] bakery beastliness on Twitter.

It was surprise!cake, but clearly not in a Cake Roulette sort of surprise!cake way. Am shaken to my very core & clearing my diary for mad angry crying & performative packing-up of Potterphenalia.

I’m just not sure how to cope with this disturbance to the magical world. I mean, coffee cake. <shakes head sadly>

However, while I consider my position, I’m willing to be gracious & offer JKR birthday wishes as well as Superior Cake. It’s not as if people just have varying tastes & opinions or anything, after all, right? Oh & happy birthday to Harry Potter, too, who obviously doesn’t need to attend the cake reeducation course, because of course he agrees with me.

(Little late - courtesy of internet issues - & indeed little/lot silly. Not inspired by any specific individual, but rather the reflection even now, as support for JKR is trending there are people throwing wobblies because she is a real person with thoughts & feelings & opinions she expresses. And she doesn’t respond to demands/threats/tantrums so people make ridiculous claims about what the characters she wrote [would] think…)

Jelly that sounds gorgeous. And now I want jelly too

Good lord. You have respect for someone, you read their books and then...fondant on a coffee and walnut cake. FONDANT.

Mind you, I always think you can't beat a good fruit cake, especially if it's got lots and lots of glacé cherries in it. Even better, mad people don't seem to like it so I get it all to myself.

Fruit cake. Yuk. Love Christmas pudding through.

Just to say JKR is totally innocent of any cake preferences.

It was a surprise cake. And as the nice generous woman she is, she graciously acknowledged it.

I wonder what her favourite actually is? Dundee?

Happy Brithday JKR

I don't mind the fondant icing but coffee and walnut cake, in and of itself and with blue sky, out of the box thinking, is an absolute abomination of nature! What on earth are you c & w cake fans thinking?!
Chocolate fudge cake, heated in the micro for about 30 seconds, maybe 45 seconds, then lathered in squirty cream is definitely the way to go.
Either that, or a proper fruit cake with royal icing.
On ordinary, non birthday days, there's nothing wrong with a plain Victoria, Madeira or Genoa cake.
Although for me it's all pretty academic as i've been banned from having proper cakes/biscuits and sweets, so the mention of cake and revels on this thread is trauma inducing to the point i'm thinking of suing you all for the upset, even though it was my own fault for opening and reading a thread about cake. :-(

Anyhoo, I hope JKR had a great birthday and made some very happy memories with her nearest and dearest.

To be fair though Epic, there was nothing in the thread title to warn you of the cakey contents contained within! So it's not your fault you got sucked into a cake thread. It was false thread advertising, you should sue

Oh Epic! 😲 I hope it's just temporary
You definitely should sue.

Icing on a coffee and walnut cake is a matter of choice. No-one should be shamed by it. Honestly, I like icing on cakes!

I love coffee and walnut cake but with fondant?? Bizarre.

Also, I need to understand how that icing design is a reference to The Running Grave. Please can someone up that way go and interrogate the baker? She/he must know something....

I've been passing the time on a long journey looking at recipes for coffee and walnut cake, and then looked at some trying to recreate Fuller's walnut cake, a famous cake sold in a British bakery chain for many years in the 20th century. Before my time, sadly. This cake had buttercream in the middle and boiled icing on the outside. Frosting would probably be the preferred term now. Whipped egg whites and icing sugar. Sugar either boiled to soft ball stage and then added to whites, or whites and sugar whipped over simmering water - Italian meringue? Beautiful glossy white finish, anyway. Much nicer than fondant.

I have a massive walnut tree in my garden. Like it drops a good builders bag full of walnuts each year. My OH cracks them and I make brownies with them. Most of them get dumped in the woods to save the squirrels encountering one of the cats trying to collect them. But this year I think I'll try and perfect a good coffee and walnut cake in homage to JKR.

May I just say, it's lovely that you're so kind to squirrels. Although if they're grey, that's controversial too.

sigh Why is nothing uncomplicated?

goes off to watch videos of beavers and marmottes holding treats with their little hands so they can nibble them

Sorry about the formatting. Got put off by the complicatedness of life.

Coffee and walnut cake is amazing but it should be buttercream icing. Poor Jo, it was a surprise cake so not like she got a vote.

As a writer who sometimes works til 1am expect she’s quite a fan of coffee

mmmmmm, coffeeeee

Have a look at some quokkas, @Chersfrozenface. Should cheer anyone up.

Emergency quokka

Quokkas, with their permanently smiling faces and their cubic poo.

All the ground squirrels.

Hyraxes.

Cavies and capybaras.

Water voles.

When I win the lottery, I'm going to open a zoo consisting entirely of cute animals such as the above. It will be heaven, and also extremely popular.

It may well have been a surprise, but that means she is associated with someone who thinks coffee and walnut cake goes with THAT STUFF on the outside. Guilt by association!

Guilt by association!

You are right of course. She was in the vicinity of the cake, and may even have acknowledged it, therefore she is guilty.

Sigh.

She may have to travel like Boadicea is long knives attached to the wheels of her vehicle so that she can preserve her innocent through lack of close proximity.

I dont agree with the whole relating to character, but regardless of her thoughts and feelings she has a responsibility to her franchise. Many professions would be dismissed for doing what she did.

I feel sad for her as shes now completely remove from the world she created and I dont imagine adoring on twitter fills that hole.

Coffee is manky though

There must be a suitable castle dungeon somewhere in Scotland she can be locked in to protect herself from contamination of association. Stick her in there with a typewriter and a ream of paper, maybe a spare ribbon for the typewriter!

Y'all a bunch of coffee-and-walnut-phobic bigots!!!
Coffee-and-walnut rights are cake rights!
Educate yourselves and do better!

Dear Chers or Madam

This is my application to work in your Cute Zoo.

I am good at appreciation and brushing.

Please find attached my CV

Thanks

A Scott

Oh, buggrit. Fell for the cute animal trap again.

Oh no they are red - we are in France. So all autumn they are in and out of the garden stealing food. The wood backs onto our garden so we get all sorts here.

I picked mushrooms [cepes] the size of dinner plates last year in there.