How does this place view single and celibate women

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

I was reading the comments on other thread (I have a point, so not a TAAT) about the asexual person.
And I’ve also been lurking on Ovarit (I can’t register there) and they also have, just like comments here about asexuality, very disparaging things to say.

So I was wondering does that extent to women who do not have sex? Maybe ever, even once?
Or is the problem just that you don’t like people calling themselves or being asexuals?

And once I’m here.
There’s been lot of talking about virginity being a social construct and shouldn’t matter, but IRL a self-proclaimed feminist (and happens in other situations too) bullied a person who was a virgin. Why was that seen as an okey thing to do?

They usually don’t.

It’s almost as if they feel starting the thread is some sort of mic drop and their job (of showing what vile harpies the women of FWR are) is done.

So many on this thread are insisting that asexuality is no big deal, that nobody cares, big shrug etc.

And yet, on the recent thread started by someone asexual there were umpteen posts from people who were really keen to explain to her that she was mistaken about her sexuality, must have suffered some kind of trauma or was going through a phase. It’s really not the case that people accept asexuality.

Could you quote or link to the posts where people told her she was wrong, that it was just a phase, or was traumatised? Thanks.

Which thread?

Well speaking for myself I find people who tell me they are asexual every bit as annoying as people who tell me they are very sexual people. I absolutely do not want to know about the sex life of anyone other than those I am having sex with.

were really keen to explain to her that she was mistaken about her sexuality, must have suffered some kind of trauma or was going through a phase. It’s really not the case that people accept asexuality.

To be fair this is common with any aspect of human behaviour, not just sexuality or lack of.
Off the top of my head I can think of tons of examples ranging from having an autistic child to declining a piece of cake.
It’s very human to try to analyse why one human is different to you. It’s wise to ignore it and not let it dictate your life.

@JodyMitchell this is exceptionally frustrating, to be castigated for the words of other people on a different thread that may or may not still exist. Indeed the posts themselves may have been deleted by MN for breaking talk guidelines. Who can say? All I can say is that those are not things that I have ever responded to people who state they are asexual.

I don't give a fuck who people do or don't have sex with. I have no wish to know anything about anyones sex life, or lack thereof. I find it weird how so many people think that it's the most important part of themselves nowadays and that everyone needs to know. I feel like they should go out in the real world and get a job, or hobbies, and find out that actually no one bloody cares.

But, if someone didn’t feel the need to shout about how they are asexual, no one would care at all.

Many of us simply don’t talk about our sex lives outside of the relationships in which we have sex. Why would I imagine anyone would be interested in my sex life or sex drive?

Virginity isn’t a’social construct’ ( I’m tempted to add FFS) . It’s the physical state of not having had sexual intercourse. It applies to male and female , although the male does not have a ‘proof’ like the hymen.

Until quite recently, virginity and celibacy were seen as praiseworthy options in the service of religion.

It’s just as tedious to have to be told about someone’s asexuality as it is to have to listen to people banging on about their polyamory and/or their kinks.

Mostly, the world isn’t that interested in whether you’re having sex or not.

What happens when someone goes online and invites people to comment on their sexual preferences just isn’t indicative of how anyone feels when the topic isn’t brought up.

I honestly don't care who you do or don't have sex with. I do care that you seem so utterly fixated on it and start so many threads.

Perhaps you should get a hobby or something. Because this relentless focus on your absence of a sex drive seems very unhealthy for you to my mind.

I do understand that feeling of difference.

But asexuals are not oppressed. There is no need for legislative changes as there were for gays and lesbians, or POC or women or disabled people as no-one is discriminating against them.

If ‘no one cares’ about people’s sexuality, why do gay and lesbian couples get beaten up for holding hands or kissing in public? People very clearly do care, and anyone who argues that sexuality should be kept private is effectively telling homosexuals to get back in the closet. Unless they are also advocating any displays of heteronormative behaviour should also be kept ‘private’.

Great post.

I haven't been on the asexuality thread (although I have seen the photo a PP referred to on Twitter) but my issue with this is that OG Pride was created as a response to LGB people being discriminated against for their sexuality: unable to marry, persecuted for being 'out' - real persecution, often including violence - and in the case of gay men, demonised and avoided because of the fear of AIDS. At no stage of history have asexual people been discriminated against for not feeling sexual attraction, so why they feel the need to claim any kind of victimhood, I'm not sure.

TBH I couldn't give a flying fuck who anyone does or doesn't sleep with so long as it's legal and consensual. I just don't need a running commentary on whether you're a furry or a leather pig or a TPE 24/7 sub or all or none. Celebrate your relationship(s) or absence of them by all means, but keep the details of what you do in bed to yourself.

If you're single and celibate by choice, crack on. If you're single and celibate not by choice, I wish you well in finding a partner who makes you happy.

I have no issue with asexuality or asexual people. It makes sense, if you've got people who like the opposite sex, and people who like the same sex, then you're gonna also get people who like no sex.

But it's another label that's been coopted by the super special club. "Ooh, I'm an aromantic demi sexual hexadecidodecahedron"

Either you like men, like women, like both, or don't like anyone. Anything else is justusing extra words to try to get attention

No one is denying homophobia. But people don't get beaten up or targeted or harassed for not wanting to have sex.

Yea, the echo is that of the various outsiders making accounts to start goading threads.

Good lord.

The focus on asexuality when the LGBA judgement was in the cusp of being out
..really timely.

Anyway they won.

there is a difference between asexuality - which is just not having sex, so there’s nothing to demonstrate or show - and homosexuality, where people have had to (and continue to) hide their sexuality.

It’s ridiculous that anyone cares about gay and lesbian couples holding hands or whatever. But no one cares if you’re not walking along holding someone’s hand. There’s nothing to be kept private. No one even knows unless you shout about being asexual and requiring validation and acknowledgement of that.

Loads of people are single and celibate (and may not ‘identify as asexual’). It can be crap when the world is set up to assume couples as the default. But it really isn’t the same thing as homophobia and the lack of equal marriage laws and so on.

I don't think about other women's sex lives at all.

It's just Stonewall. making people think people don't like asexuals whereas noone really cares/given it any thought. they're trying to divide society, make us rip ourselves apart.

It's really shit to try to appropriate the appalling violence, crime, prejudice and even murder that gay and lesbian people have been subjected to for centuries.

Equal marriage, laws against homophobic discrimination, legal recognition of same sex relationships are hugely important. I have a relative who was actually sent to prison for 'cottaging' as recently as the 1960s.

It's awful to try to claim some sort of similar oppression because you're 'demi aro ace' - bollocks. Alan Turing didn't die because he was 'sapiosexual' or whatever. He was a gay man in a society that treated gay people appallingly. This does not fucking apply to 'asexuals'and it's horrible appropriation of someone else's pain and suffering.

Yes @Superfood.

I think activists in this space are so used to appropriating others’ suffering that they don’t even realise they’re doing it.

I was single for around 8 years. I have to say I did experience feeling patronised by people who seemed to assume that, because I didn't have a sexual partner or children, I didn't have a life. It would mainly come to a head over work situations such as booking annual leave and assigning unpopular shifts.
I would never, ever describe it as feeling oppressed because that, I think, would be absurd, but I did find it annoying sometimes and occasionally upsetting. So I'm not unsympathetic, but what I don't know is what being asexual would have added to the mix, and how giving it a label changes anything?