Teenage DD, general shit I'm absolutely fed upwith Re being a man

[LadyHag]

Yep, as title shows, it's one of these situations and tonight I am sat in bed having a massive cry as I am fucking well fed up with my naive, stupid, dd and if that sounds awful. I don't mean to be but I m just fed up.

DD in gcse year, over years at high school quiet, very few friends, anxious, hardly any self confidence, self harm issues a coupke of years ago. Hates anything where their achievements will be measured, if that makes sense, or in comparison to. Peers (had to drop a course at school as went into a huge panidlc their work would be shown with other pupils so hers would look rubbish, so she thought) yet won't push herself, prefers to withdraw and not challenge herself - very much a head in sand person

Anyway, during the general shit storm of past coupke of years we found dd had been in hidden chat rooms, discord et,c and chatting to (apparently-who can tell online e?) teenagers all bigging up saying they were trans, wearing maid outfits, nothing about dysmorphia etc that would imply a serious identity crisis, but obvious teenage attention etc.

DD loves this - here is a club anyone can join and there us no test you have to pass, no minimum criteria, you say you are trans and that's it, you're in with the cool kids. Dd is so naive she will not question anything she is told. We removed her phone for a long time while trying to. Get support for her and was told she needs to have it back, even though we were concerned she was abandoning the very few real. Life friendships at school to. Invest on online e groups that seemed to. Thrive by love bombing each other.

So, dd comes out with all the usual trans stuff, she told and event guest she was a man when asked about herself and was delighted that the organisers apologised to ger for not making a safe space, she loved the attention. She admits she likes to shock people to get attention but then worries about peopke looking at her, says she is a man, she is a gay male, some days she is 'T' and some days she is not, had been wearing a binder but didn't understand how it can damage breasts and on the says she is not 'T' the breasts over time won't just bounce back up. She seemed genuinely suprised by this.

We have had goth phases, trans phases, retro clothing phases, wanting items like the tiktok strawberry dress because other people have it

Now she has tonight told me for prom she needs a man's suit to look more masculine on photos.

I am absolutely fed up. I am worn out.

She is brainwashed, doesn't think of anything g long term, has stopped any after school clubs etc, the only club she will go to. In school is LGBT because hey guess what! Unlike knitting (people can see what you knit and it might not look as good as someone else's!) art club (people can see your drawings and it might not be as good as soneone else's!) debate club (people can listen to your debate and it might not be.... You get the idea....

We had organised counselling but dd after a couple of session said she didn't want to do. It as she would have to face her insecurities so avoided it.. The counsellor said they can't force her to engage.

I'm just fed up. I want to shake her and point out she is just talking bollocks (she absolutely does not have dysmorphia or identity issues) but she is again dropping out of comparing herself to other girls as dd has short hair, refuses to exercise (I won't pick her up from schoil so she has to walk to ensure she gets some exercise as she won't walk or do physical activity at home) and school let her study instead of PE - so I know she looks at other girls in her year group and sees them as totally different as she is withdrawn, overweight (I NEVER say this to her) never had a boyfriend or girl friend I honestly think that she is using trans as an excuse for feeling like she is not as pretty, outgoing or confident as her peers.

The worst thing is she could be anything if she just tried, but she is so brittle and not willing to try hard / be brave with anything g she just uses the trans as a mask.

And I 'm just fucking fed up.

Sorry for the rant. I just am feeling so sad for her, so angry and so worn out.

Hi OP,

I agree with the point some posters are making about not overtly challenging her thinking on Trans ideology for fear of entrenching her position further and alienating her relationship with you.

That said, I'd have a hard line on supporting any interventions that were permanent.

Listening to the testimonies of the detrans community a common theme is making a change, feeling great for a while and then becoming low again.

Rather than rationalise this as a realisation that their gender identity isn't a solution to other issues, the response is often a presumption that they need to take the next step and rince and repeat.

It's only when they reach a point themselves (often when long term harm has been done) of finally admitting there's no next step that is going to help that the whole commitment to transition crumbles.

From listening to parents whose children didn't go on to make permanent changes a large part of this was them taking a hard line on it. Change your name, pronouns, clothing - I'll support you, but whilst I have parental responsibility this goes no further. If you want to make different choices as an adult, that's up to you, in the meantime you might want to think about if the changes you've already made are not making you any happier, why increasingly more radical ones will.

The point being that every member of the detrans community was 100% certain of their choices at the time and every one if they had the chance would turn back the clock and tell themselves to wait and trust in themselves that they will come out the other side of these feelings.

Yes, it was very moving. I was thinking of Mary Harrington who talked about how this late stage capitalist phase we're in, where we're encouraged to exploit our own bodies for profit on things like Only Fans and where we're exploited by the plastic surgeons promising perfection, requires bravery not to conform to expectations. To go grey, not worry about wrinkles, deal with ageing — like every previous generation till we entered this brave new world of botox and regular facelifts.

There's no silver bullet to deal with this and hey what the hell do I know - but I myself was unequivocal in the "you weren't born in the wrong body 'cos that's just not a thing that happens. People being uncomfortable about their body is however pretty common especially in puberty"

nowt wrong with wearing a suit but you need a lot of confidence to pull it off at a prom ime. If all the other girls are going 'all in' and putting a lot of effort in she might need to think what will actually make her feel good on the night.

at #5 pink suit with matching heels https://lookbook.nu/look/9245358-Mango-Suit-Zara-Heels-Guess-Bag-Happy-Pink-Easter
#4 wide leg trousers/ flares and a silk shirt https://www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/womens-suits-tailoring

#3 mens suit in cool fabric https://www.aristocracy.london/angel-red-3-piece-nehru-suit/
#2 similar energy but waay cheaper from monsoon https://www.monsoon.co.uk/metallic-stretch-jacquard-blazer-4505350124.html?gclid=CjwKCAjw0N6hBhAUEiwAXab-TTiWuzCR65WNNjy6VDmD7oJjC0rfjiVlTuFe7E8-eV082NcY_e-mfhoCVT4QAvD_BwE

#1 for value and reuse potential https://www.marksandspencer.com/double-breasted-blazer/p/clp60434218?color=BLACK#intid=plpnav_pid_pg1pip48g4r11c1

she can't be anyone else so she just has to figure out how to be herself.