Residential trips

[JustFuckOffPlease]

Name changed for this.
I knew it was only a matter of time.

I teach in a secondary school and we've so far not experienced too many challenges to our single sex provisions despite having increasing numbers of teens (mostly girls) that socially transition for a short period.

I'm running a week's residential course (tied to my subject) for 14 yr olds and one biological male who identifies as a girl has requested that they share with their friends. Girls. I responded before half term to this request and said that they must share with friends of the same biological sex. It went very quiet for weeks, but yesterday afternoon, parents have emailed me, cc'ing the Head to express their dissatisfaction that their child can't share with their female friends.

The accommodation we use are dormitories - minimum of 4 sharing, maximum of 8. I've emailed the hostel (who frequently run school trips) to see what their policy is on these matters so I'll hopefully hear on Monday.

We have quite a strong LGBT staff body and an SLT that will tick all the boxes to be seen to be doing the 'right thing'.

I'm anticipating being told that I need to listen to these parents who are insisting that I let their DC share and to not be discriminated against.

What are my options here? There's 4 staff attending this trip, 2 male 2 female. I organise it and I do NOT agree with biological males sharing a bedroom and changing rooms with biological females, no matter what feelings they have.

As a parent OP, I really appreciate what you're doing. Thank you.

And by the way, OP, you’re handling this marvelously. I really believe it takes a village and all that, and it’s everyone’s responsibility to ensure safeguarding is in place. Well done and good luck.

That's a really good point.

They've clearly buckled under pressure with these primary schools. Absolutely bonkers.
Mind-blowingly bonkers.

Thanks for the support everyone. I feel less alone. My closest colleagues tend to suck in their breathe and sidle away, as if they're trying to distance themselves from me.

It's worth saying that our trans community are all registered with ALNCO.

Ditto

Well done for standing your ground OP.

Just sending you massive support as I know this isn't easy.

Safeguarding is also about protecting kids from themselves.

If my DD was on a residential, and I found she'd been put in a room which was mixed sex, I'd remove her from the school and make a big fuss. Loudly. Thank you for standing up for those girls, and the boy who could find themselves in a very difficult situation.

The parent called in the one of the trans extremist groups to threaten the school what would happen if the trans boy couldn't share a dormitory with the boys.
The staff refused to go and the trip was cancelled.

This just reinforces my opinion that this is an entitled, narcissistic minority movement that ruins everything for the majority. So sick of the pandering.

Very impressed with, you, OP, for dealing with this and protecting girls. You're good people :)

Just another consideration.

If the transgirl was with the actual girls what is there to prevent that child being falsely accused of being inappropriate?

If a male teacher was to be in the girls room for any reason he'd be opening himself up to all sorts of accusations.

I would rather explain to a group of teenagers why a child identifying as trans needed a room of their own as part of their access, inclusion, and that privacy and dignity mattered equally for all, than I would try to explain to a group of teenaged girls that I was very sorry but their privacy and dignity came second to a male child's desires. Or worse, to try to explain to parents and to a child who is the victim of a safeguarding disaster why this happened to them while the child was in my care.

Is a single room not also a safeguarding risk, in that a hostel staff member or a member of teaching staff with ill intent could access the child overnight unobserved? Separating them from other children isn’t great either.

@BettyFilous this has also crossed my mind. Being on their own is a nightmare scenario as well. Who does the last doorway check? Who knocks on the door in the morning to get them up and ready to leave? Who does the room checks?!

I don't think this third space option is going to work unless they have a male friend that they're willing to share with.

The site you give cannot be accessed in the UK by the looks of it.

Point out that sleeping arrangements are segregated by sex. Not by gender.

This child may be trans-gender, but they are of the male sex.

They do not have a certificate to prove their transgenderism (GRC), nor any surgery (obviously).

By placing a person of the male sex, with persons of the female sex, you then have the risk of underage sex/pregnancy.

The only way to minimise this risk is to not allow anyone of the male sex to sleep with anypne of the female sex.

(DURHHHH)

You may be in a position where you have to tell the child in question that they are not permitted to sleep with females, due to risk. And that they are not permitted to sleep alone, due to risk.

Therefore their choices are to sleep in a room with other members of their own sex, or choose not to come.

I suppose to offer them an alternative might be to offer them a room with one male friend, if they don't want to share a room with multiple other males.

God how awful that primary school children have been accommodated according to gender on residential trips.

How confusing for those children to be affirmed in that way only to find it's all a lie and they are not really the opposite sex. Because they will find out. It's setting these children up to be entitled adults who will think they've got the right to trample all over women.

Well done OP, you are a shining example of teachers who genuinely care for their pupils.

I hope you can get school to see sense but I feel that if they don't you'll be able to make sure this trip does not proceed.

I have been on many trips and female staff have been allowed to do bed checks and morning rounds too.
I have had students share with just one friend and also had to share a room with one student and another staff member for very complex reasons.
Also had a transgender student who was offered a single room as we don't allow mixed sex rooms on trips.

I do think this thread brings up a side topic which isn't being discussed - the privacy, dignity and safety of the boy / trans-girl. Possibly his parents are mainly concerned with this rather than the validation of his identity (which does not excuse throwing girls under the bus).

I do not for a second feel he should be in with the girls, but is he at risk of bullying, harassment, physical or sexual assault if in with the boys? I'd imagine there are problems for his dignity at the very least.

A single room seems the most sensible solution but also does not go far enough to keep him safe unless he has a male friend to share with.

Ideally you'd have several trans girls who can all bunk together. We're going to need at least 4 room designations soon.

This madness needs to stop.

Yeah, I'm quite blown away by this. I've had all evening to ponder on it and I still can't square this circle.

Wrong on so many levels.

It hasn't been my main priority, but it is a priority.

I'd absolutely hate for them to be hurt in anyway. My duty of care covers them all. This is so hard

Op it is hard and you are being put in an impossible position. But ultimately it really isn't right in any way for a boy to wriggle his way into the girls room or vice versa.

The precedent has to be set male / female, regardless of skirts, dresses, jeans, pink leggings, kilt, regardless of sexual orientation it Sex is the only thing that matters.

Stick with the scientific facts or sooner or later an Isla will come along and pull you down. If he could pull Nicola down they can pull anyone down.

A room with him and other boys who he picks is probably the best answer minimising the bullying risk. I was thinking single room but I can also see that being abused, far too easy for a girl to slip in there - 2 become 3!

If a mixed scout troop are sleeping in a hall, they are allowed to use tents to separate boys and girls. If that's an option in the boys dorm.

I remember a primary trip where we had to put 3 same sexed names down to room with. They tried to make sure you'd be with at least one of those kids.
Let them do it anonymously so nobody knows who has put down who.
Then start with the trans kid, he'll put down who is least likely to bully him, and see if you can make that work.

What makes it more likely (than any other random male student) that this transgirl is going to be the target of sexual harassment from other boys on the trip? Even if he presents convincingly, he’s still male bodied and his classmates know it.

There’s a chance he may be bullied, because he’s ‘different,’ but I wouldn’t say he’s more likely to be a victim than (for instance) an outwardly gay pupil and I don’t suppose anyone’s advocating that they’re accommodated any differently?

Yes, quite.

@Nimbostratus100 can you tell us what happened? What a terrible situation for the girl