Lost friends because I am not a believer

[WhatIsGenderQueerAnyway]

Regular poster but NC.

Please tell me how refusing to go along with the delusion that a person can change sex and that everyone has a gender has affected your relationships and friendships.

It’s proving to be a bumpy road for me as I peaked several years ago and since then have lost a few friends. It’s been an eye opener actually.

Everyone agrees with me so far

i think i bore my children but thats about it

so sorry if you have lost people

I have not met anyone over the age of 25 that thinks you can actually change sex- even trans friends. There is a lot of "you can just be kind". And I will be kind to a point

I’ve told a lot of people about being GC now, Ive had some interesting discussions . And I haven’t fallen out with anyone. I do try and listen to others views, and in turn give my own , that TWAM and they should stay out of single six spaces meant for women. The best thing I ask is how does someone live as a woman if they are a man, without resorting to stereotypes.
I don’t tell they are wrong or bigots when they repeat the TWAW mantra, bit I do hope they think about what they are saying.

PS 90% of people think the trans ideology is daft if they give it a moment’s thought. Unfortunately it’s not something the majority of people give much thought to yet.

A close family member went total woke stasi on me when they found out I was a terf and said they was no longer speaking to me unless I renounced my views.

This was around a year ago.

Haven't spoken since.

In everyday life, as opposed to online: I think you can agree to disagree with people on the details, but being actively exclusionary, discriminatory or hostile towards actual people or groups is not generally a good look and people will swerve you.

‘What does it profit a woman ,if she gains the whole world, but loses her soul?’

I’m sorry, that’s very sad. I haven’t lost any friends and now have talked to many, however my sister told me the other day that she had to convince my aunt that I don’t hate gay people….

...it’s not something the majority of people give much thought to yet.

I've been surprised at the number of people I talk to who haven't given it much thought but who believe and are prepared to argue (some of them quite passionately) that:
men can be a sort of woman;
"intersex" means a male-female hybrid;
women prisoners/patients/refuge clients are responsible for the well-being of male prisoners/patients/refuge clients.
They still talk to me, but they say: "I'll bet you support Donald Trump", and "how does it affect you?" and "you've become a right-wing bigot". Many of them are intelligent and academically inclined, and I see that that doesn't make a person invulnerable to propaganda.

I don't talk about it much. I kind of keep in my head that anyone I know might be about to transition (based on experience so far this is quite likely - I'm quite posh so know a lot of trans people). So I'm v careful what I say. I genuinely have no interest in making life harder for others unless there's some issue that requires that I speak up. In the meantime, I keep in mind my own perspectives, donate and support according to my views, and if I need to make a point I will.

I don't think 'everyone is GC' at all. But I do think that pretty much everyone i know doesn't buy into all of it; however much they are fully into it all and have the trans flag t-shirt etc, and even if they do transition, they don't like the bland professionalised face of the Stonewalled public services any more than I do, and not one of them has absolutely no area of this that they disagree with me on. Ultimately for quite a lot of people transition is about breaking out of one life and living another, and it's a very boring way of doing it, especially if everyone around you is wearing a rainbow lanyard, has a 13 year old Harriet who is now known as Jaime, and would never be caught dead misgendering you. It's less and less rebellious and less and less interesting. And thereby lies salvation.

Everybody I've talked to agrees with me but no family or friends are bothered by these issues like I am. I think it makes my family uncomfortable when I talk about it as these issues are weird and uncomfortable, same goes for friends so I don't talk about it with them.

Friends tend to be few and far between, though many people are primarily social creatures and prioritise group belonging over individual integrity. Having " lots of friends" creates a feeling of security but to maintain that security you often have to go along with things you'd really rather not do, or censure yourself lest you fall out of the circle. I'd call these sorts of groupings 'circles of acquaintances', rather than friends. True friends do not reject you for such reasons.

Sometimes we end up with a circle of acquaintances that have come together out of some type of shared circumstance such as all having young children at the same playgroup, or all being colleagues at the same place of work but the friendship doesn't last much beyond when the shared circumstance changes

Personally, I have few long term friends, and those that I do have are those that I connected with when we all had small children. We are all now separated by geographical distance, across Britain and the wider world and so do not have regular contact. There is just one who I regularly FaceTime with and she lives in Florida.I'm quite self sufficient and enjoy my own company, positively enjoying time alone to do the things I enjoy. When out and about I tend to connect with people who are on my wavelength or who resonate with me in some way - new relationships then start to develop from that.

My main female social relationships are now with fellow Resisters in the city in which I live. We coalesce around our shared goals.

Do you have a 'Resisters' group, or similar, where you live?

Except that is not what the OP is doing, it is what the supposed 'friends' are doing to her. How ironic!

To add: those friends who I do retain very much share my views on the issue - though are not actively involved in the push-back in the way I am.

I've only spoken to my two closest friends and my brother on this subject and due to our age and that we all took biology and science subjects at school decades ago, we firmly believe that you cannot change sex.

As I believe Sir Robert Winston pointed out last year on Question Time and he should know.

I know of only one person over 25 who believes you can change sex. And that is a C of E vicar who also believes in polyamory.

Brava!

My best friend and my partner are both TWAW. We dont talk about it. I also got into a bit of debate with another friend a couple of years ago who was also TWAW, other than that, I have no idea as I now tend to keep my views to myself unless asked in RL.

Alot of people do tend to be surprised at my view though, they cant seem to fit the idea that I hate the Tory party and everything it stands for now, yet can be GC.

I feel awful for people who have been excluded for knowing that sex is real and saying so. It does show how strong the instinct to stay in the group is, heretics have to be isolated if their arguments can't be defeated.

I lost Facebook friends and a couple of real life friends, but mostly back in 2016/7 my feminist friends thought I was a bit of a nut, it was a fringe issue that didn’t matter.

Now the majority are full on GC, absolutely not having any of it, and the minority (about 4 of them) have trans-identity teenagers.

My friends and I who disagree just don’t talk about it. There’s plenty more stuff we agree on and can engage with.

You're not alone, OP. I've lost an entire friendship group and it was extremely painful. Two of them blocked me when they discovered what I thought (and actually it was all pretty mild - if they really knew what I thought no doubt they'd be totally horrified).

Luckily my partner and family all understand and accept reality - you can't change sex and male people are a threat to female people, whatever they say their identity is. And I've connected with a few terfy women online which has been really nice.

But no doubt it can be a lonely and difficult path. Meghan Murphy has talked a bit about how it can be scary saying your views out loud, but once you do, the liberation is fantastic. I totally feel that. Even though it's been painful, I wouldn't go back.

@FlytingMachar outstanding! Thank you