A poem for Nicola Sturgeon, by an equally talented poet

[Ofcourseshecan]

Private Eye has persuaded William McGonagall — known to Victorians as “the worst poet in the world” — out of post-death retirement to comment on Nicola Sturgeon’s remarkable prison policy.

worth turning my laptop for 😉

Love it 😁

Love it

The last line is what nails it.

For those of us who don't know how to disable auto rotate!

Awesome. William McGonagall is translife 😀

Oh well done, thanks FAL! I didn’t know how to do it. Much easier to read now.

That made my day! Love the image that looks a bit like Mel Gibson.

fantastic, thanks for sharing

😂 love the bit about Terf only rhyming with Smurf!

Not all heroes wear capes.

Terf and Smurf is my new favourite rhyme 😂

That's brilliant! Private eye is absolutely classic sometimes.

For our friends who use screen readers and cannot see images;

Lines Written on the Historic Struggle to Create an Independent Scottish Prison Policy
''Twas in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty-three
That the vexed issue of trans rights continued to vex the SNP.
Some of their SMP's joined in controversial demonstration
To support Ms Sturgeon's bold stance on gender self-identification.
Unfortunately, placards there read 'Terfs should be decapitated',
(Its very tricky for me to write poems about Terfs
Because the only feasible rhyme for such persons is Smurfs,
Who are very blue and small and live in toadstools
And do not worry overly much about the use of pronouns in schools.)
But I digress – these slogans were illustrated with a guillotine,
Which you'd have thought everyone would have seen.
The MSP's claim that 'we saw nothing' did them no favours
And folk commented that ''they should have gone to Specsavers''.
The First Minister said feminists had criticised her too in the past,
Though the difference in unpleasantness was clearly vast.
But Nicolas discomfort was not helped by embarrassing news
That a trans women prisoner was formerly a rapist in troos.
In the uproar, the Justice Secretary said he would not intervene,
But this was before Surgeon noticed how this farce was being seen,
So suddenly the self-defined woman was sent to a man's prison,
Which was the case of objections that had previously arisen.
So how would Sturgeon escape from her U-turn so screeching
To stop all the auld Scots voters whose support was now leeching?
She decided it was necessary to change her position
And from her previous policy she would have to transition.
''This prisoner was creating a risk to other women'' said she,
''Particularly one poor wee woman I know – ME''.

© William McGonagall 1867

Thanks, @TheInebriati!

And now I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much — but actually getting them up — about the possibility of the SNP choosing a rational leader and the GRR being binned.

I was about to 🙄at a poem but I liked that.

Love it!

amazing 😂