Women are only as safe as their male partner allows them to be

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www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/02/08/women-safe-male-partner-allows-head-girls-school-body-says-emma/

A statement related to Emma Pattison from the chief executive of the Girls Day School Trust (a group of independent girls schools).

Women have a responsibility to themselves and to their children to not live with men who are aggressive, controlling, abusive and violent. Of course men have a responsibility to not do those things but women should never put up with them or expose their children to living with these men. There are no excuses for men or women putting children in that situation repeatedly- apart from the danger, the emotional damage is terrible and perpetuates the behaviour continuing when boys grow up, if that's what they grow up seeing.

But it DOES need bringing in when people are telling our daughters to ignore their instincts and allow men into women’s spaces. It’s absolutely related.

That is far too simplistic a view. It negates the impact of coercive control and financial abuse. It ignores the fact some women will be living under threat of their children being harmed if they try to leave. It assumes a robust support system is in place for women who flee. It disregards the fact the courts instruct mothers to hand their children over to abusive men for unsupervised contact in the event that they do leave. I do sometimes find it hard to fathom why women stay or return to abusive men, but then I give my head a wobble, remind myself “there but for the grace” and it’s far too complex an issue to be reduced to “shoulds”.

I agree to an extent-but when it gets to physical aggression of any kind for the furst time that is surely a turning point and a woman should leave and never go back. We can not choose to expose our children to this but that is what happens. Men should not behave like this but women MUST walk away with their children (if they have them). Yes, it's hard to do but there is no excuse for not doing it- no child should live with these men; the damage they suffer is lifelong.

I do understand what you say but I can't accept excusing women who stay in that situation, especially with children.

I agree but they must leave.

Try this: 12ft.io/

What did you mean then?

I can't read it. I'm not keen on the title. Yes we know that statistically most women are attacked by someone they know. But phrasing it that way I'm not keen on. Women could be attacked by any man, not just their partner.

Absolutely this is imperative for young girls; I'm a lifelong Lesbian. The male figures in my personal life have been strong and supportive.

The minute I leave my house, go into parks, bathrooms, gyms I am at the mercy now of strange males, no matter how they identify . And from childhood I have had men;
expose themselves, feel me up, make lewd public sexual remarks, follow me & curse me for not being sexually available, try to force their way into my dorm to have nonconsensual sex, write unfavorable recommendations/give a bad uni grade due to not having sex with them, falsify their sex to date me ( transwoman on lesbian dating site back in 2010), enter bathrooms behind me for sexual purposes, touch me sexually in the sea at a public beach.

It is imperative young women are taught strong boundaries and to defend themselves.

It's one line taken from a full quote - might be better in context. Don't have a link to the full BBC piece I'm afraid.

One woman is killed every three days by their current or former partner (in England & Wales). I think it's incredibly important this isn't dismissed as 'any man could do it'. Partners are massively more likely to hurt and kill you.

We need to face facts.

Even if all women were free to leave when they saw signs of violence, it's often hard to find housing, childcare, etc especially if they have been financially abused. It would be lovely if there was free money for all who deserve it but that isn't ever going to happen.

If you think women should leave you need to help create a society that supports women who leave.

That includes funding DV shelters, housing, employment opportunities and benefits. If you are in a position to influence any of those, please step up and do so.

At this point I don’t know whether I’m more angry at male violence and their inherently predatory tendencies - or the “my Dave” brigade who believe abuse-victims deliberately chose to seek out abusive men.

I imagine those women are also in the “my Dave would never cheat on me” camp.

Delusion is alive and well.

Of course "trans issues" are pertinent to a discussion on female safety and male violence. Under gender ideology, women won't even have 5 minutes a day in the Ladies away from the male gaze, let alone feel safe in an "inclusive" domestic refuge. Under self ID crime stats about male violence will become fudged and useless. Under gender ideology male oppressors get to claim that they are now actually oppressed, marginalised and vulnerable.

Why are we making it harder for women and children to be safe?

Once again, I am not going to fuck off. Sorry to disappoint you.

Male-bodied people having access to our single sex spaces and women being told they are bigots for not being OK with this, and for not being OK with our boundaries being further and further eroded is 100% part of this problem.

It is completely and utterly obvious.

It is one of the most significant issues facing women at the moment. It is yet another festering symptom of male oppression, and of even the most ‘progressive’ members of society not giving a shit about women and their safety.

If I was a relative, I’d be disgusted that people were conflating a horrific, tragic domestic violence case with trans people. This husband wasn’t trans. Trans people have nothing to do with this, and the vast majority of attacks against women- they’re overwhelmingly perpetrated by cisgender, heterosexual men.

i did respond, it got deleted.

My response said the opposite of the accusations in this thread- I work in gender equality, I work with trans people, I have been sexually assaulted, I have supported friends who have been sexually assaulted. I have never felt threatened by a transwoman. I have many, many times felt threatened by men.

More women are attacked by men than the group of men who identify as trans women, because that group is a small proportion of men. However, once you adjust for that, the attacks carried out by men identifying as trans are disproportionately high. While there are transwomen who are nice people who are personally no threat, that absolutely does not mean that transwomen as a whole do not pose a threat. They evidence shows that they, as a whole, do.

This case doesn't involve a trans individual, but it is symptomatic of the wider issue of male violence and female safety. For example, trans ideology meant a university student couldn't organise a women's group for female survivors of male violence without being called bigoted and phobic and having to take the student union to court.

Gender woo didn't cause the deaths of this woman and girl, but it makes it harder to try and do something about it.

I agree but predators tend to have an instinct for what they can get away with, the more 'successful' the predator the more finely tuned their ability, it's about controlling dominating and breaking the victim, a clever predator won't use violence at all it's too much of a blunt instrument or they won't use it until they are sure they can make the victim put up with it.
I think there's a lot of grooming and a lot of exploiting trauma bonds, this may be done instinctively some of it may be more conscious and strategic.

Abusive men begin by innocuously removing your support system, your financial freedom, your confidence... The physical abuse rarely starts before getting you into a vulnerable position where its not easy to leave. I would put money that the unemployed 'Dave' who murdered Emma Pattison told her if she tried to leave he was a SAHD and therefore would be the resident parent of their daughter. Not easy to leave if you think you are handing your daughter over to an abusive man for most of the time.

@LuluBlakey1 the situation isn't black and white. You don't give men credit for the amount of power they actually have. For the many women that do leave, these men then take the women to court, twist truths and can get 50:50 shared care and in some cases full custody. A mother cannot protect her children, the family court is not set up that way. It is set up and run by the patriarchy and is centred around a 'shared parenting model' which can be used by abusive men to control women in their life and is certainly not in the child's best interests in many cases. I suggest you go and volunteer with some DV charities to educate yourself about living with abuse.

@TheMatriarchy this! You just have to trawl through the posts on Mumsnet from desperate mothers who are being threatened with having their children taken away by bitter ex partners! Then these posts are hijacked by the 'fathers4justice' brigade who jump on these women's posts and shout 'what about the father. Go to court and you'll be forced 50:50.' Family court is used to abuse and manipulate vulnerable women even more!

As a Lesbian all my former safe female-only spaces; bathrooms, changing rooms, gyms, yoga class Lesbian dating sites, Lesbian groups, women's social groups, now permit men who can say they are women.
I want all men out; the good and the bad. Because bio men are the problem!
Putting on a dress doesn't change male behavior.
I want my fucking boundaries back!
I want safeguards for young girls

That’s not the point. I’m having trouble articulating my feelings but it certainly was not that. It’s more the fact that it feels she was describing this amazonian utopia is the only solution and that women must simply opt out of being around men.

Also the idea that women can’t and shouldn’t make their own choices because we can’t make good choices about men. that’s a very bad way of wording it but that’s what I mean.

It also erases the fact that many times women do marry there’s men they are often not violent in the beginning. The idea that they are forced or coerced into marrying them is very misleading and problematic.

If you want to have an imaginary argument go for it. But this definitely isn’t about me saying that my man is better than your man so they all must be good. That’s very much taking my comment out of context and you may effectively be arguing with a wall if you feel the need to push that narrative! But good luck if you like misrepresenting women and unfairly painting them in uncharacteristic ways!