CAHMs therapist using trans name for DD

[kinfauns]

My 14 yr old DD is undergoing assessment for autism with CAHMs. We had our first appointment recently. My DD has recently told me she believes she is trans. I am aware that many children with autism identify as trans. My child has very black and white thinking - her reasoning is that she feels she doesn't fit in with the girls, therefore she must be a boy. I am GC and have been gently trying to explain that just because she doesn't conform to gender stereotypes, doesn't mean she is a boy.

The assessment consisted of a conversation (10 mins) with both of us together, then the therapist had a separate conversation with DD followed by a separate conversation with me. Following the conversation with DD, the therapist then referred to her by her trans name and pronouns in her conversation with me. I was not happy with this and said so at the time (my DD was not in the room).

We are now at the next stage of the assessment - filling in forms and a follow-up appointment - and the email I have been sent refers to DD by her new trans name and pronouns.

I really want to continue with the assessment - I believe my DD has high-functioning autism and a diagnosis would be useful to her now and later in life. However, I am very wary of the instant affirmation of her new identity. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I carry on with the assessment? We looked at going private but it is horrendously expensive.

If you believe that you clearly have no idea what you are talking about and it would probably be better you don't comment on areas you are not familiar with.

it’s not a gender appointment, it’s an ASD diagnostic appointment.

the child is 14 and CAMHS are allowed to cut anything off anyone.

the upcoming appointment is a bunch of puzzles, it’s not therapy.

LOL.

Why does everyone keep referring to this person as a therapist? They are not a therapist.

I do think you should contact them OP and insist that her correct legal name is used on all emails/documents to you - with dd I'd let them call her what they like for the few sessions they see her. DS was diagnosed in 45 minutes straight so I can't see it going on long if they have any idea what they're doing which to be fair CAHMS often don't seem to (in a bit of postcode lottery luck we didn't have to go through them).

@ArabellaScott Yeah it isn't clear. I suppose not using the preferred name on the email even if it is only to the parents would seem a bit disingenuous plus if the young person saw it that would be a bit betrayal of trust. And using the same preferred name throughout gives some continuity I guess

@TheClogLady I'd assumed it was just a normal email sent by the therapist, no templates or anything etc so wouldn't have to override anything

@BlueWhippets it’s an email from CAHMS with all the forms attached. CAHMS have dedicated admin staff so it’s hugely unlikely that the person OPs daughter spoke to and the person who sent the email are the same person.

@TheClogLady fair enough if that's the case but emails often come from the clinician doing the assessment of they would have told the admin staff what to send/say.

She already is encouraging her on a path to transition. The therapist has made this decision for you despite explicit instruction to the contrary. I would tell off the therapist very clearly both verbally and in writing, then put in a formal written complaint to whoever the therapist reports to.

I wouldn’t continue with the therapist, I’m afraid she’s actively harmful to your child. Affirmation is not a neutral act.

“Agreeing with young people that they were born in the wrong body and organising their life around that belief is not a low risk thing to do. It’s a serious psychological intervention based on denial and avoidance. Believing their happiness is conditional on denying reality puts young people in a fragile state, dependent on the pretence of others for their psychological wellbeing. Affirmation feels like such a relief, but it’s a seductive illusion.” Rest of article in link below.

www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/

they would have told the admin staff what to send/say.

Exactly. hence the boy name now being recorded in the system.

@TheClogLady that doesn't mean that the child's name is now recorded differently on the system. Where I work there's a bit for preferred name and this doesn't change the legal name and gender so wouldn't mean that they now have a boys name on the system just means that the admin staff would know that this is the name to use

Agreeing with young people that they were born in the wrong body and organising their life around that belief is not a low risk thing to do. It’s a serious psychological intervention based on denial and avoidance. Believing their happiness is conditional on denying reality puts young people in a fragile state, dependent on the pretence of others for their psychological wellbeing. Affirmation feels like such a relief, but it’s a seductive illusion.”

This is what happened with my DD, but as we weren’t allowed in on any sessions, we had no idea. Her behaviour and mood deteriorated so significantly that we removed her. Best decision we ever made

Except the emails sent to the OP refer to her daughter as her son. So clearly that's what is on the system.

And I don't know if you work in CAMHS but in my extensive experience, they get 90% of things wrong 100% of the time so I'd be amazed if they were capable of maintaining two names and sexes and remembering which was which.

It doesn’t mean it’s overridden the legal name but it means it’s in the system somehow/somewhere. Hence the point of the thread.

poor op. What a cluster fuck of irrelevant answers this thread has been.

I’m so glad your daughter is safely out the other side. Well done to you (and her).

Honestly the worst 4+ years of my life, but we are there now.
and definitely made worse by CAHMS

Thank you.
All of us want only the best for our kids, and trust those who are supposedly there to help.
The only advice I can give is trust your parental gut

Please go private if at all possible.

The same happened to us with our autistic child. It solidified an identity which she is now backtracking on, but the backtracking is made difficult by autism (rigid thinking) and CAMHS (reinforcing the trans identity).

This is such an important developmental time for your autistic child - you must keep her options open.

@TheClogLady well yes somewhere on the records I would imagine that the therapist has highlighted that this is the child's preferred name which isn't the same as changing the name

I've never understood why SEN needs like autism and ADHD need to go through CAMHS.

It's not a mental health issue! Problem is they all approach it like it is. Hence these wishy washy type of appointments, where the core issue isn't being addressed but "thinking" and "beliefs" are. You can't ask a neurodiverse person to suddenly adopt different belief systems akin to treating OCD, phobias or depression.

Being neurodiverse does not require a therapist and counselling service.

It needs diagnosing and support on coping/managing. How to move forward, acceptance.

I genuinely feel CAMHS fails neurodiverse people.

The thing is, the therapist needs to build up a therapeutic relationship with your daughter. How do they do that if they start off on a footing of not respecting your daughters wishes? All that will do is alienate your daughter and put up a barrier before they've even began.

What if the child’s basic wishes were for everyone to agree they're massively overweight so they shouldn’t be made to eat despite being severely anorexic?

Very good point. Are autism/neuro issues just shunted onto CAHMS, then? Is there no dedicated service?

In our area camhs diagnose adhd /asd if there are mh issues if not goes to pediatrician..

My ds was diagnosed by calmhs but other thsn meds done nothing.

CAHMS are shit, attended there when I was a teenager afew years ago. Had anxiety and depression, and the assessment was god awful. All sessions consisted of ‘breathing’ and i shit you not, i was told to take ‘a bubble bath’ when i felt down. Match that with some sheets of ‘feelings’ and that’s the fucking service you receive. Felt like a waste of time on everyones behalf so my parents thankfully took me out of it. Had other friends and met people at uni who all fully agree CAMHS did fuck all for them, one of my female friends had a hard time with self harm, and apparently the “advice” they gave her made everything worse. If you can afford it please go private OP.

But they aren’t a therapist, and they won’t be needing to build a therapeutic relationship. Rather they are (or should be) a clinician reviewing for autism