CAHMs therapist using trans name for DD

[kinfauns]

My 14 yr old DD is undergoing assessment for autism with CAHMs. We had our first appointment recently. My DD has recently told me she believes she is trans. I am aware that many children with autism identify as trans. My child has very black and white thinking - her reasoning is that she feels she doesn't fit in with the girls, therefore she must be a boy. I am GC and have been gently trying to explain that just because she doesn't conform to gender stereotypes, doesn't mean she is a boy.

The assessment consisted of a conversation (10 mins) with both of us together, then the therapist had a separate conversation with DD followed by a separate conversation with me. Following the conversation with DD, the therapist then referred to her by her trans name and pronouns in her conversation with me. I was not happy with this and said so at the time (my DD was not in the room).

We are now at the next stage of the assessment - filling in forms and a follow-up appointment - and the email I have been sent refers to DD by her new trans name and pronouns.

I really want to continue with the assessment - I believe my DD has high-functioning autism and a diagnosis would be useful to her now and later in life. However, I am very wary of the instant affirmation of her new identity. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I carry on with the assessment? We looked at going private but it is horrendously expensive.

If they use a name that your child has said they do not want to be called then chances are they'll not trust the therapist and not engage.
I would imagine that would be the same with any therapist private or nhs.
If it's just for an autism assessment then they probably wont need to see her that much anyway and it's probably better she has a positive experience from it. Also on a quick side note - we've moved away from using functioning labels now as they are not very helpful in actually highlighting someone's level of support needs. Lots of autistic people have spoken about the limits and issues of this
Hope it all goes well!

I would remove her from CAHMS. If the choice is between therapy which affirms this nonsense or no therapy at all, I’d choose the latter.

CAMHs must have a policy on this. It can hardly be unchartered territory for them.

An autism assessment is not therapy either. It's entirely different.

I honestly don’t think they have much understanding of these issues from a family perspective. They just seem to want to passify the kids/ parents by sticking on labels. That way they tick the box and their job is done. No real care care about the individuals at all.
It took a while to find the right person for my dd, but when we did, everything fell into place

As several others have suggested OP, the issue to establish with the therapist is why they are taking this approach? If they're using it as a tool to engage and model respect, while being open to the transitory nature of this in a teenager and addressing other issues, then it's likely worth persisting. If they're a flag waving supporter of Mermaids seeing parental concerns as transphobic and focusing on the trans issue then they're a safeguarding hazard to children and lack the appropriate skills to work with those questioning what sex they are.

As the name is such a minefield, why use any name at all? Just “Hello, come in, how are you?”
I don’t feel the need to keep sticking someone’s name into the conversation when I’m actually already talking to them. This is what the pronoun “you” is for.

From the link I shared on the last page:

[the assessment is] *typically scheduled with a clinician with whom they [they=the child] have little to no familiarity to obtain a sample of the client’s behavior that is not influenced by previous interactions^

www.childrensresourcegroup.com/a-brief-overview-of-the-ados-2-an-assessment-for-autism-spectrum-disorder/

relationship/trust building really isn’t necessary for an ASD assessment. It’s just a session or two of puzzles, a clinical history taken from the parent, a report from a teacher and maybe an observation in school.

it’s not a therapeutic relationship

How is a therapist supposed to build trust with your daughter if they don’t respect her enough to use her preferred name? It doesn’t sound like she’s encouraging her to take hormones or undergo surgery that could cause irreversible damage... She’s just respecting her right to choose how she presents herself to the world.

I know you think she should be taking your feelings into account, but it’s much more important that your child feels comfortable than you when it comes to her therapy. You’re not the patient, she is.

If possible though , it might be worth pursuing some therapy of your own. It sounds like this situation is really difficult for you too, and having someone separate to concentrate on your needs could be helpful.

I have real doubts that you'd fine anyone at CAMHS anyway, a lot of the therapists with real sense and integrity seem to have left. The ones that remain I suspect all buy in to gender ideology in a pretty whole-hearted way.

What are you talking about?

it’s an ASD assessment, not therapy.

An ASD assessment still involves the young person and if they don't trust the therapist then they might just not consent to the assessment being completed at all

Well, they might. But if we're talking in random hypotheticals, the young person could decide not to consent for just about any reason. Doesn't seem to be a sensible argument for changing their name and sex on documentation. At all.

Not trusting the person doing the assessment is a big reason to not consent. Also depends where the name and gender have been changed. Most of the time it's clear that this is the young persons preferred name and pronouns but their legal name and legal gender are still on the document

True. So OP could email therapist and clarify that they are aware of her DD's correct name and sex, and clarify why they are using a different set of info.

How is a therapist supposed to build trust with your daughter if they don’t respect her enough to use her preferred name?
@Countingdowntodecember
This isn't therapy though, and they never offer this for ASD. It's an assessment like, say, a dyslexia assessment. The doctor/psychologist needs to get your DD to answer questions but a diagnosis can be made from a nonverbal child so it isn't essential.
We were at CAMHS for my DS ADHD review today and the paediatrician couldn't get his name right after seeing it, presumably, on the clinic letter 2 minutes previously though. So maybe act dumb and say "this is wrong, I think you're a bit confused". DS has a long slightly unusual name and we've had both the shortened form (which we never use, think Maximilian and they use Maxie) and the name that sounds similar but is more common and isn't his name (think Benedict and they use Frederick - the similar name doesn't start with the same sound even).

@ArabellaScott it doesn't sound like the legal name and gender have been changed on the system though, just referred to them by the name they had been asked to be referred by in an email to parents

"This isn't therapy though, and they never offer this for ASD. It's an assessment like, say, a dyslexia assessment. The doctor/psychologist needs to get your DD to answer questions but a diagnosis can be made from a nonverbal child so it isn't essential."

This is hogwash. A diagnosis might be made when it is clear from history that the likely cause of an individual being nonverbal is related to the condition, but if the individual has a clear ability to speak in other contexts and chose not to engage in the diagnostic process then a diagnosis would not be made and the practitioner would have no choice but to stop the process.

OP please don't jeopardise your child's opportunity to get a diagnosis and the subsequent support they could benefit from as soon as possible.

Well, perhaps! It's a bit unclear. In any case, I don't see why the therapist wouldn'
.t use correct name/sex when emailing parents.

If it’s written on an email it’s clearly part of the admin system - whether it’s overridden the main name of just being used as if it has, we can only speculate.

hence reassuring OP to use legal name on all paperwork and ask why OPs daughter has been unexpectedly (and without express parental permission) transed in the comms.

Sorry for extra full stop; cat is helping me type.

Is there any indication that the OP's daughter won't engage with the assessment process unless the therapist uses her new name and pronouns?

A lot of assumptions being made

Your child cannot legally change their name but can go by another name if they wish, the therapist is respecting that. Using a different name when alone with you could get very confusing. They are also a lot less inclined to do anything like gender reassignment surgery on autistic individuals as feeling like they don't fit into gender stereotypes is a common symptom of autism so that may alleviate some of your fears.

Give it a go for a bit longer, see if they actually help your child before assuming they won't.

This is hogwash.

no it isn’t.

They are also a lot less inclined to do anything like gender reassignment surgery on autistic individuals

Cripes, that escalated quickly. Plus I've seen absolutely no evidence to suggest this is the case.