They/Them pronouns but gender conforming

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Can anyone explain to me why someone would choose (or not choose?) to identify as ‘non binary’ but then outwardly appear to conform to the gender stereotypes of their biological sex? Like, what part of you is non binary if you are a biological woman who dresses in traditionally feminine clothing? Surely in order for this to be ‘a thing’ you have to buy into some nonsense about male and female brains being different? Isn’t this idea inherently sexist? Am I missing something?

No one has to perform their gender. That’s really regressive.

Or it could be someone who wants to put the cat among the pigeons?

Surely the point is that they can dress how they want and it doesn't matter.
So wearing trousers doesn't mean you are dressing as a man, having long hair doesn't mean you are dressing as a woman and a person who is non binary, like everyone else, can dress how they want, because wearing traditionally 'gendered' clothes doesn't mean anything.
Gender identity is not the same as gender stereotypes.

But if you just identify as your normal, boring, traditional gender, what would make you special?!

But if gendered clothes don’t mean anything, which I agree with, how do people ‘live as a woman/man’? What does that mean?

I know someone who is female, married to a man with two children and dresses in fairly identifiably"women's" clothing. But she identifies as non-binary (prefers they/them pronouns but not offended by she/her) as she doesn't feel she identifies with society's expectations of women so would rather not identify as a specific gender. She's much younger than me so interestingly when I was younger and didn't feel I should confirm to society's expectations of women it made me dig my heels into being a woman, but a feminist woman who rejected gender stereotypes. She went another way because that's what her generation does. I find it baffling.

Useful identifier of:
a desire to be special,
a desire to identify into an ‘oppressed class’,
someone who has failed to se the entire point of gender being a load of bollocks.

I’d think they were doing it for attention or because they think it makes them seem more interesting. My teen claims plenty of his peers do it because they think it’s fashionable.

This.

I don't think how anyone dresses has anything to do with what sex they are. Gender is a feeling, not clothes or hairstyles.
You're no less a woman or any more a man if you don't wear "traditionally feminine" clothes.

People can wear what they want. It's irrelevant to sex or gender.

Ok, so 'gender stereotypes/expression' (clothes, hair etc) means fuck all.
And according to TRAs, sex means fuck all.
So what exactly is the whole world meant to be validating?
FWIW I agree, all the external trappings/internal preferences lumped into gender mean sweet FA about you as a person.
It also has naff all to do with your sex.
But your sex is important, immutable and not an identity.
I don't think any 'identity' should follow stereotypes anymore than any sex should.
So knock yourself out and wear whatever you want however you identify.
But don't deny sex, that shit matters.

Attention and a desire to be seen as 'queer' and therefore trendy.

Your go-to guide is definitely this but I've given a spoiler below as it's a very long essay: Brock Colyar on Pronouns, Identifying as Nonbinary.

"These days, it feels as if an identity that, not long ago, felt unique to me in most rooms I entered has gone mass. Yes, part of what I’m personally upset about is the fact that this thing I loved isn’t so alt anymore. But more than that, it feels as if pronoun culture has contributed to nonbinary becoming just the third gender after male and female, more static and concrete than its original fluid intentions. The same nonbinary person who complained about nonbinary stereotypes lamented to me, “I don’t want to be a homogeneous normcore mashing of the two genders.” Ben hoped, “If man or woman can mean so many things, then so can nonbinary.” We all became nonbinary to escape gendered expectations, and now we’re stuck again. I can’t help but think that the walking-on-eggshells battle for pronouns is turning my gender into a human-resources-approved corporate product, more neutered than neutral, and, maybe above all else, profoundly unromantic. Next time, just call me by my name."

www.thecut.com/article/brock-colyar-pronouns-nonbinary-essay.html?

But if gendered clothes don’t mean anything, which I agree with, how do people ‘live as a woman/man’? What does that mean?

No-one knows the answer to that - it's a meaningless term.
It either has confused "woman" with "culturally feminine person" - a rather basic error - or it means trying to appear female. It can only be based on stereotypes.

Still waiting for that definitive list of what identifies you as male gender and what identifies you as female gender...

I'm clearly not special enough to just 'know'. Guess I'll have to stick with sex+personally.

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest they’re slightly dull, and have tried to adopt someone else’s struggle (by which I mean LBG people and some T) to make themselves a bit more interesting.

It’s a particularly good plan, as they don’t need to change anything about themselves or their behaviour or anything else that may inconvenience them, but they will expect others to dance around them now they’re special.

So why is "non-binary" a thing then? If you don't have to "perform your gender" then you can just be a woman who happens to prefer trousers and short hair.

Desperation not to be the dreaded, oppressive "cis" thing maybe?
Regarding clothes and stuff not being linked to gender id, I've seen loads of transwomen complaining about being misgendered despite the fact that they were wearing a dress and makeup and had long hair (didn't occur to them men can do that too). They definitely felt that their presentation was a signifier of gender identity.

If its a not a non binary person but a trans man for example, I think living as a man would mean being called Sir or Mr in letters and in formal introductions and He when being spoken about by others. If in a relationship with a woman- not being classed a lesbian, but if in a relationship with a man being classed as a gay man. But I'm not sure.

Stop expecting any of this stuff to make sense.

I suppose it all comes down to your definition of gender?

To me, gender IS expression, however ‘reductive’ that seems. Because it’s not biology. And what else is there? I am female and therefor I am a woman. I can wear whatever I like and I am still ultimately female. I don’t know how I could feel male, or non binary, because I don’t have the lived experience to know how those things feel.

Because they’re attention seeking

Once again, for those who've not being paying attention, it's a power play - a "be kind", fashionable, weaponise my self perceived "oppression", genderist powerplay.

And it's bs.

It means they're a spicy straight. Basically, a boring heterosexual who wants to be part of the oppression alphabet. Using they/them pronouns gives them a way in.

Tedious as anything, try and avoid at parties.

@Fizzgigg "she doesn't feel she identifies with society's expectations of women so would rather not identify as a specific gender.". And that's why it's such a toxic trend. For 'society' read 'Patriarchy'. Every woman who opts into this trend is betraying other women. Some may be doing it because they're scared - "do it to Julia!" - but they are collaborators with the Patriarchy all the same.