I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

Well I think women receiving death and rape threats is nasty, but you do you
Has anyone said they don't think that's nasty too?! 😕

I do have a pattern, as it happens! It starts with:

I am not responsible for the hurt feelings of men., repeat x 5

And goes on to the main body:

Feminism isn't always about being naice and avoiding offense, it's mostly about standing up for the things that matter and working to free women, even the women you don't like or get on with or who have misremembered the Dworkin quote and also those who crack jokes in really poor taste to let off a bit of steam and especially those for who are willing to be mocked, threatened, heckled, harassed, arrested, fired, cancelled or insulted day in day out but are nevertheless expected to always respond civilly and like a proper laydy for fear of being called nasty

and then there's the tricky bit around the neck, for which you can either swap to circular needles or simply use a few rounds of:

I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar.

Bind off as usual.

I get it. You are allowed to call other people nasty but they are not allowed to call you ridiculous. Is this a whirred rule or one you’ve made up in your head?

There is a pattern here. Some people really are given two pieces of cake- one to eat now, and one to have to eat later.

Others get the grand amount of zero slices. Don't want to have your new non-binary identity to be discussed at a meeting because it makes you feel awkward? No problem! Your friends at work will pretend there was a meeting and go around testing people in whether they abide by the briefing that didn't happen!

I saw a few comments on what a good manager did. Well, I think a good manager shouldn't allow the entire workplace to revolve around the desires of a small minority of employees. Why should they be allowed to think they moral entitlement to chastise people for not following the preferred pronouns they haven't even been informed of?

What about the feelings of Jade and Damien in Logistics and who both have undiagnosed autism, and who struggle with social anxiety and depression? What impact does it have on either of them to be unexpectedly told they're talking about Dylan wrongly?

What about the confidence of Veronica, who speaks English as a third language, and who gets embarrassed when rude people point out her mistakes when she speaks?

Other people have feelings too!

I'd rather be rude than a fucking liar.
Is that a phrase you came up with yourself or is it a mantra you're parroting?

@PearlClutch

That pattern is a thing of glory. I am getting my needles out right now.

I'm a little sleep deprived and I don't want to reread the whole thread. That said, what nastiness? The nastiest thing I can recall is someone calling other posters nasty. Admittedly, the OP reduced a grown man to tears in a team meeting by forcing him to explain what a pronoun was...oh no, that didn't happen. Paul (hiya Paul), has been gently mocked on this thread. The OP assured us that didn't happen in the meeting.

Nastiest thread on MN? You should see what's being said about Sarah Raven over in Gardening.

Hyperbole aside I thing the posters on this thread are at odds but not nasty.

I've read most of the thread, including the concerns expressed by Kanaloa et al. I'm generally hampered by my inner nice girl.

In this case however, OP did nothing wrong. What she did, very explicitly, was turn on the bright lights in a murky room.

People are bumbling around willynilly, not really knowing what they are doing or why. Paul, a nice bloke, thinks he'll show how nice he is by declaring his entirely predictable and uncontroversial pronouns. Everyone else starts to feel pressured to join in, though not sure why.

OP comes along with a bloody big torch and spotlights those pronouns. 'Pay attention, colleagues. Here we have Paul, a bloke, whose pronouns are he and him. Thanks everyone'.

That bloody big light makes everyone start to wonder what it's all about. And that's a good thing.

Sunlight.

Fair enough I'll get back in my box now and keep my opinion to myself.

Is that a phrase you came up with yourself or is it a mantra you're parroting?

It's a Magdalen Berns quote. Perfectly expressed. RIP Magdalen.

You seriously don’t know where they’d from but you spend a lot of time on the FWR boards. Bless you@GoodJanetBadJanet , you’re always a delight

Gaslighting a gaslighter. This bloke had his power ploy neutralised. It is unsurprising some people feel VERY uncomfortable about it. When you expect benefits from an action and it backfires, cognitive dissonance is the result. Good. It is not bullying. Bullying is what has been happening to people who call this out overtly.

All those stating this thread is nasty, posters are being mean, etc., have without exception swerved any and all of the serious points made by posters regarding pronoun usage, have refused to explain clearly why the OP ensuring that all her staff members were aware of Paul's preferred pronouns is inappropriate. We've had that Paul's pronouns cannot be shared amongst colleagues but if said colleagues use the incorrect pronouns for Paul they will need to be corrected. As PurgatoryofPotholes said a deliberate trap is being set for employees who will then no doubt suffer the slings and arrows of not being kind, inclusive, trans positive, yada, yada, yada, when their only 'crime' is not to have fucking known because no-one in management gave them a heads up but are more than happy to jump on them when they make the mistake and then lecture them into accepting compelled speech.

Is there any reason anyone should answer your questions when you don’t have the basic courtesy to answer questions put to you?

It's a quote.

It’s always the same posters who seem to pop up telling us we’re near, nasty text, then when questioned, pop off to find another thread to lecture and tone police people on. I’ve not been on here that long and I’ve started to see patterns. It’s quite amusing in a way.

Sometimes I play bigot bingo as the inevitable dialogue plays out..

To be fair to the pp, there was mention of 'gobbledegook'.

Perhaps the post/thread ought to have had a content warning, idk.

😂😂

OP only wanted to ensure everyone addressed Paul by his correct pronouns. I thought that was the point of adding pronouns to things 😂

Yeah. I like doing the bingo cards. To be fair I am waiting for the words literal violence then I get a line.

Thar was me @PearlClutch . I did offer to repent in sporners corner. Can we use ‘total bollocks’ or is that also banned?

Man here. I have said already that the op did a good thing. It really is that simples.

If Paul is white, and had put ‘white’ in his email signature, would that matter?

I’m really not asking for a bashing here. But it seems that it’s more acceptable to highlight some characteristics than others.

I think the OP was indeed probably pushing it. But who’s saying to Paul, ‘you’re bloody pushing it mate, for so many reasons’. Nope.., instead Paul is applauded as an ally.

The reasoning is perverse. It hurts my head.

This. Except, though Paul may be nice, he knows exactly what he's doing and his motives were self serving.

Praise be and thank you Paul Hehim.