Can anyone help me complain about this?

[sunflowersandtomatoes]

This is my first post on the Feminism board, but I've been reading you all for years, and have so much respect for you, and now I'm hoping you can help me deal with my first example of gender craziness in the wild. I've NCed for this, sorry about that, I just don't want any of this to be traced back to me.

So I'm doing a course - the first step towards training to be a counsellor. I'm not sure if I will do the subsequent levels. It's a course where you have to do a lot of soul searching, and a lot of it is about getting to know yourself, and talking about your own motivations and barriers and stuff. Interesting, although I find it a bit much sometimes.

A small part of last week's big assignment was to think about whether there was anyone we would find it difficult to listen to or help. I thought, and wrote, carefully, and I came up with this:

"I see gender as a social construct and I don’t believe that someone can change sex, so I don’t believe that transwomen are women. I espouse and defend people’s right to identify however they like, and I would always be respectful of chosen names and pronouns. However, I would find it difficult to listen to a transwoman talking about their struggles with their gender identity, and I don’t agree that affirmation is the best way of helping a young person who experiences gender dysphoria. Ultimately, I just don’t think I could be hugely helpful to someone with those kinds of issues, and I wonder whether that will be a problem in the future."

I think it's respectful and honest, but my tutor chose, in her feedback, to focus exclusively on this paragraph, to the exclusion of the other 1900 words I wrote, and sent me this:

"I acknowledge that you have identified a specific area that you would find it difficult to work with – gender identity. It is good and ethical to identify this so that when you work with clients you have the relevant experience and skill set and are giving them what they need. There is some interesting material on different websites around this subject: Gendered Intelligence, Mermaids and Stonewall, to name a few, which may broaden your understanding and research around this. It is worth mentioning here that gender identity is one of the nine protected characteristics in the Equality Act 2010 and as such it is unlawful to discriminate against someone on the grounds of their gender identity just as it would be to discriminate against race, religion or disability to name three others on the list."

I am so angered by this, which is why I'm finding it difficult to respond! I am very well read on the subject (although not as well read as some of you), and I find her suggestion that I should read those bullshit websites (again) to "broaden my understanding" very fucking insulting. It's also not her place to lecture me. If she wants to recommend literature about counselling, I'll be happy to hear it, but anything else (gender issues, the war in Ukraine, what colours suit me best, how to raise my children) just isn't in her remit. And thirdly, what, is she suggesting I might also be a racist, because I've said that men can't be women? It feels like another example of unthinking people talking shit about something they haven't really thought about, and it's SO damaging.

Honestly, I know a lot of you have faced much bigger injustices around this issue, and I salute you. Any advice you can give me about how to respond (complain, if we're honest) would help me to take the heat out of it. Or maybe you think I should just leave it - happy to hear that too.

Thanks for reading.

Well, she's wrong. Gender Identity isn't a protected characteristic. It's someone undergoing the process of gender reassignment.

I'm not surprised you're angry, OP. It seems you're in a difficult position. I would ignore her recommendations - that's just a personal opinion and as you know those are incredibly partisan and give bad advice. But if you do want to complain, I think it would be fair to point out her error WRT the Equality Act. You could send the exact wording, for her information.

Up to you, though, whether you think this may adversely impact your assessments/application.

Gender identity is not a protected characteristic in law, so I wonder what else she is wrong about. I think it is very difficult to work in one of the professions if you have strong views about this as we are being told to shut up. I would also find it difficult to work with child sexual abusers, for example, or probably most men in fact now. When I was younger I might have been more open and indeed arrogant about my abilities to work with anyone but after many years of experience and seeing things through a clearer lens, this would be impossible now.
We need women to support others who hold similar views but it is getting harder. I cannot believe that complete neutrality on all issues is actually possible. Personally, particularly if you decide to leave I would be giving this person the benefit of other more useful links and information as I stormed out.

They are classic names which never go out of date. Trendy try-hard names age fairly quickly. And lumber the poor child for life.

Why do you need to respond back to your tutor? She likely only addressed the gender identity issue because everything else you wrote was fine and met the assignment requirements. In addition, what she wrote to you was also respectful and actually complimented you on your good ethics by disclosing your beliefs and how they might affect your role as an impartial counsellor. I don’t see why you’d be angry at her about anything in her response to be honest.

Discovereads surely it is not ethical to only provide reading materials from one sided sources?

I don't think a complaint is required. You sound like a great counsellor - you are empathetic and respectful even where you disagree with the person's views. This should be no different than working with someone who has religious beliefs that you consider to be untrue.

A counselor's role is not to affirm or judge, it is to listen with empathy. That would have been the better response from the tutor. However by calling out a particular belief set as one you would struggle with they may have seen a need to educate on the empathy required. I would just say thanks and you will look more at it so you are able to empathize. I know that is capitulating and the tutor is at fault, however it would be a shame to escalate it as you will not win.

Discoverreads Why do you need to respond back to your tutor?

Because the tutor has misquoted the Equality Act for one and has provided deeply biased suggestions for reading material for two.

So that's my point, actually. I reflected and disclosed, and in response, she lectured and told me I needed to educate myself. That's not her role, and it will make me less likely to disclose in the future. That's important, because examining ourselves and the views and experiences that affect us is literally the point of the course. Thank you, perhaps that's the angle I should take when I write to her. (And no, I don't NEED to respond. But I want to. It's annoyed me.)

If the person had zero knowledge and no expressed conclusions about the subject, yes. But in the case of the OP where she has expressed a view that is obviously reflective of the gender critical side so the tutor can safely presume the OP has already read materials from that side and has therefore rightly suggested additional reading materials from that would likely balance out the knowledge she already has.

I don’t see that she lectured you. And it is her role as a tutor to provide developmental feedback on module assignments, which includes tutoring you on how to increase your professional knowledge and understanding of subject matter., e,g suggest additional reading you can do on the subject.

I hate to capitulate, but of course you're right, I won't win.

She's calling me a bigot, though, right? With her (mis)quoting of the Equality Act?

I would just say thanks and you will look more at it so you are able to empathize.

As @elferian said that is exactly what I would do in your situation. You’re not going to convert your tutor by insisting on your beliefs. As a counsellor you will be working with clients that have many different beliefs from you (not just about gender), and ethically you are not allowed to push your beliefs on them or express antipathy towards their beliefs. By getting into a spat with your tutor regarding gender identity, you will be sabotaging yourself.

I'd maybe not frame it as a complaint. Avoid getting her back up if you can. You're a student, she's a teacher. Ask her questions.

I would wonder what she means by "discrimination" in this context - has she clarified it? Is she saying it would be illegal for you to turn a TW down as a client?

So if I were you I'd request more information, and maybe also mention that "gender reassignment" is actually the protected characteristic and ask about that. Also in your request for further information you could mention that you've read the resources she mentioned but you've also read [helpful counselling oriented GC resources] and on balance you find the latter more persuasive so you would like to know how you can be true to your priniciples without falling foul of the law.

An in person discussion might be better than email if you can manage it. If she's not a full on TRA but is just saying the lines, she'll probably be very glad you're so interested and engaged and you're taking the topic seriously.

No she’s not calling you a bigot. She’s just gently reminding you of your ethical duty as a (trainee) counsellor that in your future practice you cannot discriminate.

I think you should correct her with regard to the Equality Act. But ignore the rest.

I read your tutor's reply more charitably. Cleary she is wrong about the Equality Act, but I think your assignment and her response are both mature and cool-headed. It's frustrating she has only quoted sources from one side, but this may reflect her own lack of familiarity with the subject (best case here!).

Could you reply positively, thanking her for her comments and for the reading suggestions, noting that you are familiar with them already, and repeating that you would never discriminate against any client on the basis of Gender Reassignment or any other protected characteristic. That way, you are correcting her, and ensuring that your position is the 'last word', if the correspondence is ever referred to again.

If as a counsellor you encounter someone you feel you wouldn't be able to work with, what's the protocol? Do you refer on to someone else? Not talking about gender per se, here, but there must be many issues where beliefs diverge.

You've said you're not sure about continuing this course so I think you'd be in a really strong position to take this on. Someone who was determined to continue might need to keep their head down, but you have the freedom to do something positive here.

I would respond by saying
a) Gender identity isn't protected under the Equality Act but Gender reassignment is and copying and pasting the relevant section for her.
b) Saying I was very well aware of Mermaids and Stonewall and she might find it useful to read James Esses and Az Hakim on this subject, or to read Abigail Shrier's Irreversible Damage or Helen Joyce's Trans or Kathleen Stock's Material Girls. You could link to them in order to make it clear to her that you understand what you're talking about.
c) I noted that she had confined her comments to just one paragraph and did she have anything to say about the rest of my essay?

I think that would send a shot across her bows. Her response would guide my next actions. The fact that she has the Equality Act wrong and is a real no-no in my book and the Forstater and Bailey cases are drawing attention to it. If she's biassed and prejudiced on that, what else is she prejudiced about? I know one would like to hold one's tutors in high esteem and think they know it all, but some of the worst practioners I've encountered in various spheres have ended up in academia, training others.

Good luck, OP. Have confidence. We're all behind you.

Absolutely all of this. I completely understand not wanting to get someone's back up, but correcting them when they are plainly wrong is quite within your rights.

It's ok to set your stall out as a well informed woman who can politely query someone's advice.

Yes, a good counsellor will say whether or not they feel they can be helpful to a client and refer on if they know of anyone who specialises in a particular issue. Of course the problem people wanting help for gender identity issues will find is that many good therapists will refer them to the wildly pro-trans gender identity 'expert' who will just affirm them.

Hi OP, totally agree with you here and you've had some good advice from PP. just a word of caution though on challenging her on the law. There have been some recent tribunal cases where the scope of the legislation has been debated. In one case the tribunal found undergoing the ‘process’ of gender reassignment should be understood to be a ‘personal process’ entailing a ‘spectrum of moving away from one’s birth sex’ and that to be protected ‘a person could be at any point on that spectrum’ so the protected characteristic in the Act is being interpreted by tribunals to include people who identify as non-binary, gender fluid or transitioning. You might want to be careful about getting into a legal technical debate with her on this point.

b) Saying I was very well aware of Mermaids and Stonewall and she might find it useful to read James Esses and Az Hakim on this subject, or to read Abigail Shrier's Irreversible Damage or Helen Joyce's Trans or Kathleen Stock's Material Girls. You could link to them in order to make it clear to her that you understand what you're talking about.

I would suggest segm.org/ and genspect.org/ as alternative sources.These groups are run by doctors, psychotherapists, counsellors and teachers. They also include contributions from detransitioners like Keira Bell.

We're all behind you.

@Pluvia Not really all of us though. You and others are encouraging falling on a sword, and how’s that work for the OPs career and livelihood? Is being a martyr really in her best interest? Myself and others are encouraging accepting the polite feedback from the tutor for the gentle suggestions they are and moving on. It even turns out per @PinkOwlReading that the tutor is not really wrong about the Equality Act if you look at case precedent for interpretation and application of the law instead of just reading the law’s text.

I would correct her misquoted EA2010 and ask her for some recommendations for the other side of the argument, given you have one side and now you want the other.