What is the correct response to TERF?

[flashpaper]

I was called a TERF at work the other day. Someone made a comment about JKR and I just said "JKR said nothing wrong". There was an audible gasp from the others around but the conversation stopped immediately when someone else walked in and asked what was going on. The person who made the comment about JKR in the first place said "we have some trans exclusionary radical feminism going on over here" and pointed at me. I just said "I'm not a trans exclusionary radical feminist". I honestly didn't expect it and didn't have an response prepared.
DP has said I shouldn't make comments like that again as he's worried about me losing my job, so it probably won't happen again, but what should I have said back? What's the correct response to it?

If they are allowed to express their views about JK Rowling why are you not allowed to express yours. It is very concerning that reasoned polite debate has been replaced by a type of cancel culture on these issues. They can persuade you ( or shut you up) you are not allowed to present views to persuade them.

Thanks all. Will definitely take some of these responses with me, in case my mouth has a mind of its own again!

‘Why yes, I am Tired of Explaining Reality to F@ckwits.’

@Babdoc

Someone on MN coined the wonderful comeback that TERF stood for “Tired (of) Explaining Reality (to) Fuckwits.” I’d have said that your accuser, OP. They are obviously a shallow virtue signaller, pointing and shrieking “heretic”. Tell them to “read JKR’s statement and find a single transphobic thing in it. I’ll wait.”

Excellent!

Smile and nod. Then ask if they have actually read JKRs essay for themselves or are they relying on misinformation?

@flashpaper

Thanks all. Will definitely take some of these responses with me, in case my mouth has a mind of its own again!

I really wouldn't get into "Tediously Explaining Reality.." comebacks. They work fine in print, but not in conversation with a bully. In the workplace, they also open you up to "he said, she said" accusations, when you want the moral high ground, in case of any HR blowback.

Like it ever happened Most of the women I work with aren't interested abd don't e en kniw what TERF means.

Penis havers exclusionary radical feminist. PHERF

“Oh dear, is a witch hunt on? How very seventeeth-century of us. Not to worry, a man has arrived to explain to us all what feminism should be! Carry on.”

@MogtheMerciless

‘Why yes, I am Tired of Explaining Reality to F@ckwits.’

I would say thank you! I am proudly terf.

@Neverreturntoathread

“Oh dear, is a witch hunt on? How very seventeeth-century of us. Not to worry, a man has arrived to explain to us all what feminism should be! Carry on.”

I too favour something along the lines of "oh goody, a MAN has arrived to tell me how I'm feministing wrong" when it's a bloke, or "what's radical about biological facts?" when it's not. But I'm in no danger of losing my job.

I avoid a lot of topics because these days you aren’t allowed to think for yourself and have an opinion. You will be accused of being homophonic, transphobic, racist, the list is endless. You can still be respectful and not believe exactly the same thing about everything.

Some strategies:

1. Wide eyed innocence, "oh what did she say?" Either they'll reply with something true, e.g. that spaces for women should be legally protected and you then say, smiling but with a slight note of surprise in your voice, "oh, what's wrong with saying that?" And let them dig a hole. Eventually you can say something about we can see where she's coming from given her history. Or they say something false e.g. "JKR said trans women are rapists" and you say, again surprised, "oh where did you read that? She didn't say that, all she said was..."

1. Approach it from a discrimination perspective. "It really makes me uncomfortable how women, especially women who historically have been marginalised and silenced, like lesbian women or survivers of abuse, are being targeted for attack for voicing their opinions on controversial topics."

1. The TERF word. Don't say it's a slur, it isn't. Say: "I don't identify as a TERF because I don't think that protecting women's spaces is a feminist issue, let alone a radical feminist issue. It's a problem for everyone." If you're feeling ballsy "Also I don't exclude trans people from anything, I just don't think they are biological women, and am interested in protecting spaces for biological women "

1. General freedom of speech stuff

@Neverreturntoathread

“Oh dear, is a witch hunt on? How very seventeeth-century of us. Not to worry, a man has arrived to explain to us all what feminism should be! Carry on.”

Scrap what I said, this is the reply!

What makes you say I'm a feminist? - being the first one I'd ask in that situation.

Genius. I'd love to see the answer.

You could responds with:
"I didn't know that JKR was a radical feminist"

I now how my head up high and explain that 'indeed yes, I'm extremely pro-women.'

I've had a situation like this recently with someone saying JKR was 'up to her usual tricks' again. I played dumb and mildly interested, saying
"oh, what did she say?"
Response was "more of the usual shit, like last time"
I replied, "what did she say last time?"
They then started getting flustered - "all the transphobic stuff she wrote in her essay" but couldn't be more specific when I tried to drill down further. She just said JKR had 'upset a lot of people'.
When I said I'd read the essay and was interested to know which bit they found offensive they started with the personal insults saying that they couldn't believe I was a TERF and how I should be ashamed of myself. Then they stormed off.
Afterwards a couple of people told me privately that they agreed with me and was pleased I'd held my ground.

were pleased, not was!

@lemongreentea

What is a TERF?

"Trans exclusionary radical feminist". Basically anyone who hasn't drunk the KoolAid.

I’d have so much fun stirring if I worked with people like that. Everyone here in the back of beyond is full on TERF, even if they don’t know it.

I tend to say "What exactly is radical about wanting to keep convicted rapists out of womens prisons?"

Or quote Mary Bourke 'If you call me a TERF, I'll call you a SMURF - a Sexist Misogynist Undermining Real Feminism

@Babdoc

Someone on MN coined the wonderful comeback that TERF stood for “Tired (of) Explaining Reality (to) Fuckwits.” I’d have said that your accuser, OP. They are obviously a shallow virtue signaller, pointing and shrieking “heretic”. Tell them to “read JKR’s statement and find a single transphobic thing in it. I’ll wait.”

I was going to say this. I said exactly this to my Aunt who was a radical feminist in the 70s and was at the coalface of womens rights and who has totally drunk the koolaid and who expressed the concept that if a few women and girls were violated so that self identified and intact transwomen could acces female sapces that this was essentially collateral damage. She called me a TERF. I said this meant i was tired of explaining reality to fuckwits.

made for an interesting family zoom call, but frankly I don;'t give a fuck.

@MogtheMerciless

‘Why yes, I am Tired of Explaining Reality to F@ckwits.’

This is exactly what I was going to post. Short and sweet. If they've got any more questions, then fire away.

Can't wait for the point where it would take longer to complete a disciplinary investigation than I have to work till I retire. I'm going to go completely rogue in the last few months of my career. I'll almost be disappointed if this has all been sorted out by then. I did once manage to have a discussion with one of the LGBT committee reps where they basically gave up trying to answer my questions and said they weren't really an expert and I should speak to someone else. Very woke workplace.