Banned from another breastfeeding support group

[veronicagoldberg]

I'm absolutely furious.

I have put so much time and effort into helping other women, giving advice, offering support on the Breastfeeding Oldet Babies FB group, only to be banned for politely asking not to be referred to as a "chest feeder".

It was one of my favourite Facebook groups. And now, I can't even access the page. I'm incandescent.

I agreed to their rules when I joined, which was that terms like "chest feeders" might be used if a transman posted (guess what - no transman ever posted in the 2 years I was a member...) However, I took exception to a post that referred to all group members thus.

I've written an opinion piece about it, and am wondering where to send it.

@Iwonder08

Why did you decide that a breastfeeding support group is the right place for the trans argument?

Why is trans the accepted default? and why can't someone voice their objection to being referred to a a chest feeder without it becoming an argument?

Worlds gone fucking mad.

You've joined a group specifically called "breast feeding older children and beyond" and you can't ask for them to call you a breast feeder.

Why did you decide that a breastfeeding support group is the right place for the trans argument?

Because a woman who has given time and effort to others to assist them to breastfeed in a support group should be able to expect to be respected and not dehumanised by being called a 'chest feeder'.

Why did you decided that a breastfeeding support group would be the right place for people to dehumanise others while some are already feeling rather demoralised and dehumanised already?

If you have never felt that breastfeeding can be incredibly hard and painful and needed assistance, compassion and understanding at such a time, maybe you will not understand just how women can feel very detached from their breasts. 15 years on and I still feel detached from my breasts after breastfeeding.

But crack on with your support of dehumanising labels for women.

Surely if you’re a trans man and you have a chest instead of breasts (mastectomy) you can’t breast feed anyway. If you’re a trans man and have not had a mastectomy then you still have breasts (not a ‘chest’ as such) so it’s still breast feeding. 🤷‍♀️

Surely if you’re a trans man and you have a chest instead of breasts (mastectomy) you can’t breast feed anyway. If you’re a trans man and have not had a mastectomy then you still have breasts (not a ‘chest’ as such) so it’s still breast feeding.

Oh stop it with your logic.

Anyway, could be worse. They could have decided you had to call them front bags.

Why did you decide that a breastfeeding support group is the right place for the trans argument?

Why did a breastfeeding group decide it was the right place to call people chest feeders?

At times my nursing aversion was so bad I wanted to pull her off and throw her across the room (this is the reality of NA) Women like me should never be in the position, where, when dealing with incredibly dark and/or difficult thoughts have to worry about offending others.

Utter stupidity, particularly as men get breast cancer. Noone calls it chest cancer.

I never knew that there were groups such as this, why do you need to have such a group. for the issue of breast feeding.

Women like me should never be in the position, where, when dealing with incredibly dark and/or difficult thoughts have to worry about offending others.

Ah, there are certain castes here, you see. Potential offendees and potential offenders. Woman like them never have to be in the position of worrying about offending you.

@Stellaris22

If you agreed to the rules of the group, then failed to follow said rules, then it seems logical to get the response you did. It must have been a repeated failure to follow the rules you agreed to.

Every single post I made in that group until today was helpful, supportive, respectful.

I asked on ONE post to please use inclusive language, i.e. breastfeeding women, OR breastfeeders and chestfeeders if absolutely necessary. And I was banned. For that one post.

I don't make a habit of purposefully causing beef on social media. I'm not a TRA!

@Iwonder08

Why did you decide that a breastfeeding support group is the right place for the trans argument?

I didn't.

The group admins decided it was, when they blocked me for politely asking not to be referred to by an anatomically incorrect term.

@1forAll74

I never knew that there were groups such as this, why do you need to have such a group. for the issue of breast feeding.

To help and support other women who are finding breastfeeding hard; to offer solidarity and a hand-hold during harder times; to exchange knowledge and wisdom.

What are the percentages here? What percentage of people seeking lactation advice feel excluded or at least belittled if it is not framed as 'chest feeding?" What percentage of people seeking lactation advice feel excluded or at least belittled if it is so framed?

It's been a learning experience to see how women's issues are instantly relabeled if a tiny minority has an interest in that relabeling. I can't imagine the same happening when the issues are general ones or men's issues.

This is about women not being allowed to have any boundaries at all and about women expected to be nice.

@1forAll74

I never knew that there were groups such as this, why do you need to have such a group. for the issue of breast feeding.

Why do you think?

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous and I would ask them why the group is called breast feeding.
It’s also very offensive to women, men and transgender people that they’re implying they don’t have breast tissue - so are they immune to breast cancer now?
Surely we need to get rid of the ongoing myth that breast cancer only affects women and acting like it’s a dirty word is not going to help this situation.

As you say chest pain and breast pain are completely different things (which I’d be saying) and I literally can’t understand why they’d use the term chest!

The issue is is that you agreed to use this term though so you can’t then be annoyed if they use it - I personally wouldn’t have joined the group and I am not anti-trans at all.

I’m sorry you’ve been kicked from the group after so much work you’ve put in, are these as bad as the safe sleep groups?

The people on there are venomous, we’ve had posters fleeing to our groups distressed because of some of the harassment experienced.

@1forAll74

I never knew that there were groups such as this, why do you need to have such a group. for the issue of breast feeding.

Hmm. I hope they vet their members. Though if they're captured by the TRA they probably don't vet them properly.

@Thissucksmonkeynuts

Awful group that one, I got banned for being homophobic/transphobic and all the rest because I said that the best thing for a baby was being breastfed by the woman who gave birth to it. It's a very strange mix of women , some who are deeply woke and some who are deeply Christian and belive their husband's should have sex on tap. And then there's the ones who dope their toddlers with melatonin so they don't have to wake up at night.

Excuse me but my child is PRESCRIBED Melatonin because she cannot sleep without it! I am not a part of the aforementioned group but I take exception to you describing parents who use Melatonin as 'doping' for our own benefit

I too was banned from this group.

@WarriorN

If you've been thrown out you can report them pdq.

They then get on a watch list.

I'm in the group so could spend some time reporting issues

Report to who? What 'watch list?'

@1forAll74

I never knew that there were groups such as this, why do you need to have such a group. for the issue of breast feeding.

I take it you've never breastfed a baby then @1forAll74?

Males have breasts with glandular tissue. In fact just under 1% of breast cancers are in males and they would be treated in a breast cancer clinic not a skin cancer clinic for example. It is usually more progressed at diagnosis. It does males a disservice to say they don't have breasts and stops people talking about an already embarrassing for them problem.

Males given certain psychiatric medication can lactate, which they find particularly distressing, especially when already fragile mentally.

Excuse me but my child is PRESCRIBED Melatonin because she cannot sleep without it! I am not a part of the aforementioned group but I take exception to you describing parents who use Melatonin as 'doping' for our own benefit

Please, can we not go tit for tat (no pun intended!) on issues external to the main problem. Nobody is accusing you of doping.

The issue is is that you agreed to use this term though so you can’t then be annoyed if they use it - I personally wouldn’t have joined the group and I am not anti-trans at all.

No, the issue was the sole use of the term to describe women. I've seen it used in the phrase "breastfeeding and chestfeeding", and although it caught in my craw, I overlooked it for the greater good. I guess that was my mistake all along.