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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Registering for conference: they want my pronouns

101 replies

mynameisnotkate · 05/04/2022 15:37

I'm attending a conference in the US which focusses on equality in a particular field, and as part of registration I need to put my pronouns. I can't leave this blank - the form won't submit. I'm not sure what to do. I imagine these will be printed for the name badge. I definitely don't want to put she/her because this conflicts with my views on gender identity (i.e., I don't identify with my gender; I view it as the source of my oppression). But this is an important conference where I have an excellent chance to meet a lot of people that I could do valuable work with, and it's in the US where I know the gender arguments are in a different (more extreme) state to what they are here, and I don't want to spend the whole time at the conference with a badge which will say to many people 'I am a bigot'.

If asked about it, I would make the point that not everyone is comfortable putting their pronouns and that should be an option, but I have to just fill the form out. I might just put 'not comfortable disclosing my pronouns' as my preferred pronoun, but not sure if they'd print that out and put it on the badge?

Any suggestions as to what I could put as my preferred pronouns? Is there any space between not outraging my principles and not having something that will be viewed by most people there as hostile? They/them actually works for me in some ways because I think gender-neutral pronouns would be a big improvement over gendered, but of course that has a lot of connotations around being non-binary and trans that I don't subscribe to.

I should be brave, probably, but I also feel it's risky to be so upfront about my gender-critical beliefs in a professional context, especially in the US.

OP posts:
Zerogravity · 05/04/2022 15:38

Can you put a dash?

TheSonjaMorgan · 05/04/2022 15:40

I'd put what you said - not comfortable then add "please leave this blank for me."

ChuckBerrysBoots · 05/04/2022 15:41

Leave it blank? Or “as/you/wish” would do

dementedpixie · 05/04/2022 15:41

Put N/A?

Redshoeblueshoe · 05/04/2022 15:41

I'd put ODFOD

BobbinThreadbare123 · 05/04/2022 15:43

I/me, or a couple of dashes?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2022 15:43

As zerogravity says, you could just put a dash or -/- if necessary.

Or could you contact the organisers and say you feel it is outing for people not yet ‘out’ or decided and you don’t want to upset anyone so you want to leave it blank? This is what is suggested in cases, where people don’t want to out themselves as GC.

Olderbadger1 · 05/04/2022 15:43

Principles are fine but if omitting your pronouns means that people will immediately dismiss anything you say (regardless of the topic) I'd definitely stick sex-based pronouns on your badge and go undercover. Much more chance of planting small seeds that way.

ThatsGoingToHurt · 05/04/2022 15:43

Could you just put a full stop.

ZaraSizeMedium · 05/04/2022 15:43

Not applicable
Please leave blank

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 05/04/2022 15:43

In a similar situation, I emailed the organisation privately to let them know that mandating pronouns was against the Yogyakarta principles because it forced trans people to out themselves when they weren’t ready. They were completely mortified that they might be seen to be being damaging trans people and change their form immediately. I suggest you try the same.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 05/04/2022 15:44

That happened to me. Forced choice with drop down menus. You couldn't progress with the application unless you made a selection.

I decided against attending (it would have been good to be there but not at the price of my implied loss of freedom of thought).

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 15:47

Can you put your first name in?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2022 15:50

@ChuckBerrysBoots

Leave it blank? Or “as/you/wish” would do
And get hit on by every Princess Bride nerd. Grin

Sorry, to be serious I'd do a full stop.

PermanentTemporary · 05/04/2022 15:53

If I had to I'd put she/her, just as if I were visiting Saudi Arabia I'd cover my head.

Bergamotte · 05/04/2022 15:54

Could you put either " - / - " or your first name (good idea NoSquirrels*!) just to get the form to submit, then see if there is an "any other comments" box later where you could ask to have the badge without pronouns?
I hope and think that either of those two wouldn't be seen as anti-trans if they did end up being printed on the badge.

tabbycatstripy · 05/04/2022 15:54

Put ‘None’.

OneEpisode · 05/04/2022 15:54

We/our? Or as you attending an international conference, use we/our from another language, eg Welsh?

Zerogravity · 05/04/2022 15:59

Or you could put she/her and take some tippex or a sticker and cover it up.

LizzieMacQueen · 05/04/2022 16:00

So is the underlying message that those of us who reject the declaration of pronouns, we're seen as being non supportive of trans. Is that the assumption?

REP22 · 05/04/2022 16:04

sod/off? Wink

Seriously though, I can understand why you don't want to.

Hope it works out OK and you enjoy the conference.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 16:04

@LizzieMacQueen

So is the underlying message that those of us who reject the declaration of pronouns, we're seen as being non supportive of trans. Is that the assumption?
Unfortunately, in very many environments, yes.

Contacting and quoting Yogyakarta is a good idea. They should be optional not mandatory.

Movingonup22 · 05/04/2022 16:06

FFS/HRH

BrownOwlknowsbest · 05/04/2022 16:08

Could you not take a sticky label and some scissors and cover up the offending pronouns when you get there?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/04/2022 16:09

Just write "no pronouns". I've seen genderist people claim this unironically, i imagine they will have to default to using your name like we do on here.

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