Registering for conference: they want my pronouns

[mynameisnotkate]

I'm attending a conference in the US which focusses on equality in a particular field, and as part of registration I need to put my pronouns. I can't leave this blank - the form won't submit. I'm not sure what to do. I imagine these will be printed for the name badge. I definitely don't want to put she/her because this conflicts with my views on gender identity (i.e., I don't identify with my gender; I view it as the source of my oppression). But this is an important conference where I have an excellent chance to meet a lot of people that I could do valuable work with, and it's in the US where I know the gender arguments are in a different (more extreme) state to what they are here, and I don't want to spend the whole time at the conference with a badge which will say to many people 'I am a bigot'.

If asked about it, I would make the point that not everyone is comfortable putting their pronouns and that should be an option, but I have to just fill the form out. I might just put 'not comfortable disclosing my pronouns' as my preferred pronoun, but not sure if they'd print that out and put it on the badge?

Any suggestions as to what I could put as my preferred pronouns? Is there any space between not outraging my principles and not having something that will be viewed by most people there as hostile? They/them actually works for me in some ways because I think gender-neutral pronouns would be a big improvement over gendered, but of course that has a lot of connotations around being non-binary and trans that I don't subscribe to.

I should be brave, probably, but I also feel it's risky to be so upfront about my gender-critical beliefs in a professional context, especially in the US.

@SunniDelite

Saw this on Glinner.... chim/chim/cheroo :)

Really laughed out loud here

I'd be tempted to go with the Old English pronouns (potentially justifiable as that's one of my areas of academic interest) heo/hie/hiere/hiere and become deeply offended if anyone used the accusative when they should be using the dative.

People might complain that it's unfair to expect them to bear the extra cognitive load of juggling unfamiliar grammatical cases when referring to me, but extra cognitive load is exactly what they're asking me to take on when they request non-intuitive pronouns. And unlike them, my reason for extra difficulty is disability-related.

(obviously in reality I'd just type a space in that field, but I'd love to be able to somehow illustrate to people just how much they're asking of me cognitively when they request pronouns that don't fit what I know about their sex)

A friend of mine put 'Dude'

So is the underlying message that those of us who reject the declaration of pronouns, we're seen as being non supportive of trans. Is that the assumption?

No the opposite.

If someone is biologically female (or male) but didn’t want to use the pronouns she/her (him/he) then it would be seen as not identifying with their own gender and therefore possibly trans themselves.

Anyone else would not have an issue with using their own pronouns.

Isn't this non-binary-phobic? At least to NB people who change pronouns multiple times a week (or day) are stuck to fixed pronouns.

I feel the same as you do about pronouns, OP, but honestly in a professional context I’d just play along. Sorry.

@5329871e

I feel the same as you do about pronouns, OP, but honestly in a professional context I’d just play along. Sorry.

Be nice Be kind Play along

This is why we’re in this mess!

This is why we’re in this mess!

It's understandable, but yes. It's what Vaclav Havel wrote about in The Power of the Powerless and the true significance of the grocer's window sign (quoted in following thread).

In an era when metaphysical and existential certainties are in a state of crisis, when people are being uprooted and alienated and are losing their sense of what this world means, this ideology inevitably has a certain hypnotic charm. To wandering humankind it offers an immediately available home: all one has to do is accept it, and suddenly everything becomes clear once more, life takes on new meaning, and all mysteries, unanswered questions, anxiety, and loneliness vanish. Of course, one pays dearly for this low-rent home: the price is abdication of one’ s own reason, conscience, and responsibility, for an essential aspect of this ideology is the consignment of reason and conscience to a higher authority.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4382551-Live-not-by-lies-Solzhenitsyn-no-tambourines-involved?msgid=111900052

@mynameisnotkate

Sorry to have disappeared - I wrote a response earlier but it looks like it didn’t post, and have been running round like crazy since …

It’s not a drop-down menu, I can’t write anything, but I have to write something - if I leave it blank the form won’t submit.

I love all the funny suggestions and would go for sex-based / like-my-oppression if I were braver, but I don’t want to rock the boat too much so I think I will go for ‘no pronouns’. I might explicitly add ‘please leave blank’ as I don’t want to be walking around with ‘no pronouns’ printed on me!

I will email them about the Yogyakarta principles. It’s pretty personal information they expect you to reveal to a bunch of strangers. I really want to go to the conference, so I think I’ll have to put up with this - but I feel quite confident about making a subtle point that people will probably not see as hostile by having a blank badge, and if comes up making the point not only about the Yogyakarta principles but also about the problems of displaying female pronouns in a patriarchy and how it encourages unconscious bias and stereotype threat.

Thanks everyone!

Sounds sensible. I'd personally quite like ‘please leave blank’ printed on my name badge though

In an era when metaphysical and existential certainties are in a state of crisis, when people are being uprooted and alienated and are losing their sense of what this world means, this ideology inevitably has a certain hypnotic charm. To wandering humankind it offers an immediately available home: all one has to do is accept it, and suddenly everything becomes clear once more, life takes on new meaning, and all mysteries, unanswered questions, anxiety, and loneliness vanish. Of course, one pays dearly for this low-rent home: the price is abdication of one’ s own reason, conscience, and responsibility, for an essential aspect of this ideology is the consignment of reason and conscience to a higher authority.

A cult, in other words.

A belief system without room for debate or questioning is a dangerous thing. Doubt is a healthy and necessary aspect of any faith.

Not so with this particular Law of the Father. You'd think that this alone would be a loud klaxon alerting people to what it really stands for. I wonder, once we emerge blinking in the daylight, how many supposedly intelligent people who are right now trumpeting this nonsense will feel ever-so-slightly stupid or whether (as I suspect) they'll just pretend it never happened.

Unsurprisingly, many of my colleagues are completely silent on the subject but I did note that a fair few of them (mostly women on the cusp of retirement) signed the letter in support of Kathleen Stock. In a sector that's up to its nuts in allies, silence is very understandable. The furthest most of us will go is not to get on board with sporting rainbow lanyards and announcing pronouns at every turn. Some of us might, quietly and behind the scenes, contribute to crowd-funding organized campaigns and legal challenges.

Baby steps.

I would write something like "be kind" or "kind/nice". I'd like to be identified as kind and nice! Good luck OP. I dread situations like this.

Ok, I've registered. I put I didn't want to disclose my pronouns and asked for it to be left blank. I feel this is compatible with my principles, and also not likely to cause a huge stir at the event - and ideally create opportunties for me to tactfully bring up why I think insisting on pronouns is a bad idea. Thanks for all the ideas!

Excellent

I'd email them nicely and ask them to alter the form because you're not comfortable sharing and you think it may force some people to out themselves, which wouldn't be fair. I've done this with American institutions in the past and they've changed it instantly to optional with a grovelling apology

fab, OP, well done.

@mynameisnotkate

Ok, I've registered. I put I didn't want to disclose my pronouns and asked for it to be left blank. I feel this is compatible with my principles, and also not likely to cause a huge stir at the event - and ideally create opportunties for me to tactfully bring up why I think insisting on pronouns is a bad idea. Thanks for all the ideas!

Excellent. Score 1 for a small victory against the whackadoo.

But I wouldn't bother reasoning with them. You can't reason with irrational, or argue with stupid. Don't forget it's America and they are even further down the rabbit hole than we are here. Let the blank space speak for itself.

I'm betting yours won't be the only one. I'm in academia and we are captured in rainbow-coloured handcuffs and shackles here, but not everyone is in thrall to The Ideology. The numbers might be larger than it currently seems.

This would be a hill to die on for me too. I am not announcing pronouns, in any circumstances, ever.

I/me

No-thank-you

I don't see why you should have to put them if you don't want to.

It's nobody else's business how you want to identify!

What about putting ...

Me, Myself and I

If I were similarly pressed, id go for they/them as in its really none of your business.

In the same way that I avoid any title, feeling that my name is good enough

Odd, how these things come round again, I've been avoiding using a title since the 1970's

I would be tempted to put 'yourmajesty'.

I'd say I didn't want to reveal my pronouns, as evidence has shown that when a client knows someone they are dealing with is a woman, they treat them less respectfully than they do a man. Using pronouns at work can increase misogyny.

See theconversation.com/amp/using-she-and-he-reinforces-gender-roles-and-discrimination-of-women-92998 and www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aba7814

I/ We

They are the ones I use most about myself.