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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Registering for conference: they want my pronouns

101 replies

mynameisnotkate · 05/04/2022 15:37

I'm attending a conference in the US which focusses on equality in a particular field, and as part of registration I need to put my pronouns. I can't leave this blank - the form won't submit. I'm not sure what to do. I imagine these will be printed for the name badge. I definitely don't want to put she/her because this conflicts with my views on gender identity (i.e., I don't identify with my gender; I view it as the source of my oppression). But this is an important conference where I have an excellent chance to meet a lot of people that I could do valuable work with, and it's in the US where I know the gender arguments are in a different (more extreme) state to what they are here, and I don't want to spend the whole time at the conference with a badge which will say to many people 'I am a bigot'.

If asked about it, I would make the point that not everyone is comfortable putting their pronouns and that should be an option, but I have to just fill the form out. I might just put 'not comfortable disclosing my pronouns' as my preferred pronoun, but not sure if they'd print that out and put it on the badge?

Any suggestions as to what I could put as my preferred pronouns? Is there any space between not outraging my principles and not having something that will be viewed by most people there as hostile? They/them actually works for me in some ways because I think gender-neutral pronouns would be a big improvement over gendered, but of course that has a lot of connotations around being non-binary and trans that I don't subscribe to.

I should be brave, probably, but I also feel it's risky to be so upfront about my gender-critical beliefs in a professional context, especially in the US.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 05/04/2022 17:57

Just make up your own pronoun.

I do like this, may I suggest.

Eeeeoooowwpppffffittzzz/Ka-caaa

dudsville · 05/04/2022 17:58

If a dash, as suggested upthread, or ellipses, etc., don't work then I'd try the statement you suggested and take some sticky labels so that on the day you can nip to the loo and cover over whatever it is they've put on your badge so that you can then answer as you said you would in person, which I respect and thought was a good response. I wouldn't put the more "out there" pronouns as that might start a conversation you don't mean to get into and it's also engaging with the phnomenon in a disengenuous way.

MumMaria · 05/04/2022 18:01

Bits/Bobs

VelvetChairGirl · 05/04/2022 18:02

Fuck/No

Mind/your/business

N/A

JoodyBlue · 05/04/2022 18:07

Not/App

Moodlesofnoodles · 05/04/2022 18:07

N/A - if anyone queries this, explain that it means that you have no preference. They surely can't argue with that?

Concestor · 05/04/2022 18:08

If it makes you then I'd name up some that look like they could be "real"

Vo/vum
Po/ba

That kind of thing

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/04/2022 18:09

Not/Today.

Seriously, I've had it with this shit. I'm a frequent conferencer and although I know it's cutting off my nose to spite my face I think this might just prevent me from attending.

SO sick of being told what to think, say and do and tired beyond measure of this bollocks and all that comes with it.

No/ThankYou.

DontLikeCrumpets · 05/04/2022 18:29

Use a neo-pronoun which you can make up yourself. You could use girlself or walkingself. Neo-pronouns I recall seeing are frogself and bugself.

TanquerayTickles · 05/04/2022 19:24

OfNotKate?

MayMorris · 05/04/2022 19:34

I’d put he/him if it was me. I’d not be presenting anything other than a clearly biological women in non stereotyping clothes (e.g trousers)
I’d like to have everyone paying special attention to not upset me for the entire conference and try to get their heads around referring to me as him
It would cause me much amusement as I hate networking 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/04/2022 19:44

Bunself, and you can put a little rabbit face emoji 🐰 as emoji pronouns are perfectly reasonable

SunniDelite · 05/04/2022 20:09

Saw this on Glinner.... chim/chim/cheroo :)

mynameisnotkate · 05/04/2022 20:13

Sorry to have disappeared - I wrote a response earlier but it looks like it didn’t post, and have been running round like crazy since …

It’s not a drop-down menu, I can’t write anything, but I have to write something - if I leave it blank the form won’t submit.

I love all the funny suggestions and would go for sex-based / like-my-oppression if I were braver, but I don’t want to rock the boat too much so I think I will go for ‘no pronouns’. I might explicitly add ‘please leave blank’ as I don’t want to be walking around with ‘no pronouns’ printed on me!

I will email them about the Yogyakarta principles. It’s pretty personal information they expect you to reveal to a bunch of strangers. I really want to go to the conference, so I think I’ll have to put up with this - but I feel quite confident about making a subtle point that people will probably not see as hostile by having a blank badge, and if comes up making the point not only about the Yogyakarta principles but also about the problems of displaying female pronouns in a patriarchy and how it encourages unconscious bias and stereotype threat.

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
mynameisnotkate · 05/04/2022 20:13

Sorry, should read through before posting:
‘Can’t write anything’ => ‘can write anything’

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 05/04/2022 20:18

Why take the piss? Either participate or put a blank sign of some kind.

DomesticatedZombie · 05/04/2022 20:21

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Bunself, and you can put a little rabbit face emoji 🐰 as emoji pronouns are perfectly reasonable
Aw, I actually love that.
Chloemol · 05/04/2022 20:24

Put your name

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2022 20:28

@PermanentTemporary

Why take the piss? Either participate or put a blank sign of some kind.
Comedy has a long proud tradition, particularly in the UK, of brining about social and political change. Everything from pamphlets distributed to the populace to Spitting Image.

Demonstrating non-compliance with absurdity is protest.

PermanentTemporary · 05/04/2022 20:34

Confused What social change did Spitting Image cause? It started in 1984, the ruling party eventually changed 13 years later after it had stopped broadcasting. There's a strong argument that satire is a safety valve that props up the status quo.

Non participation is another matter - I'd include adding a blank character /hyphen to that.

Stealhsquirrelnutkin · 05/04/2022 21:12

I'd identify out of female oppression for the duration of the conference and put he/him. Extra points for boastful irrelevant interruptions, talking over women, and sitting with your legs spread so wide you take up three chairs.

I agree very strongly with the previous poster, turn up, obviously female and demand to be referred to by opposite sex pronouns. Remain completely po faced if questioned, with a strong hint of offence at anyone daring to question your identity and make you feel unsafe.

After all, we are supposed to take no effort, beardy blokes at their word, when they demand female pronouns, so turnabout is fair play.

Electrox · 05/04/2022 21:17

Gender/Critical/Feminist

Halo
MsItchy · 05/04/2022 21:28

Not/decided
Elf/Elfself

thenightsky · 05/04/2022 21:30

@SunniDelite

Saw this on Glinner.... chim/chim/cheroo :)
I love it!
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2022 21:32

@PermanentTemporary

Confused What social change did Spitting Image cause? It started in 1984, the ruling party eventually changed 13 years later after it had stopped broadcasting. There's a strong argument that satire is a safety valve that props up the status quo.

Non participation is another matter - I'd include adding a blank character /hyphen to that.

You asked why. I told you why.

The Confused face is not required.