Male violence at the Oscars

[RoseslnTheHospital]

Is anyone else disappointed at the reaction to Will Smith's display of aggression at the Oscars? I am really surprised that they didn't have any security staff to remove him from the room when it was apparent what he had done. Everyone there just seemed paralysed into inaction. And then to see all those other men (Denzel Washington, Tyler Perry, Bradley Cooper) consoling and reassuring him, rather than escorting him out.

I'm also disappointed by the wider reaction, with so many people justifying his behaviour due to the (unfunny and vile) joke about his wife. I also think that it's a massive shame for Venus and Serena, that he has won an Oscar for a film about their lives, and yet this is the focus.

@tabbycatstripy

'Middle class people tend to opt for lawyers.'

This is crass stereotyping. Working class people aren't all violent types who slap people for making bad jokes, you know.

I never said we 'all' were, but I've seen a fair number of punch-ups and deckings in my life and it wasn't in the middle class places. The most physical I've seen there was an upended glass of wine.

"This is just... I mean, we all talk about male violence being the problem, and here is a high profile example of a man using violence in response to words, and so many people are rushing to justify it as totally acceptable"

💯

It was totally 100% unacceptable and WS should have been removed. The only thought I had was whether as well as shock people thought it could be some kind of stunt, it seemed such a crazy thing to happen it probably caused a lot of confusion. It should now hopefully cause a lot of outrage.

He’s got issues. He watched his dad smack his Mum so hard in the side of the head that she spat blood and never forgave himself for not standing up for her. Not justifying it but that’s clearly where it came from.

I haven't seen it so I can't really say what I think, but the one thing I would say in mitigation is that it's harder to hear someone you love being mocked than to be mocked yourself. If Rock had made fun of Will Smith, perhaps he'd have just laughed at the joke, but to hear your wife made fun of like that - it's just horrible and cruel. If someone publicly made fun of my partner or other family member like that I would be absolutely enraged.

It seems like a stressed person not reacting in a proper way. Not excusing but we have all had red mist occasions

This is why we have a problem with male violence. Because so many people think it's okay in some circumstances. So the lines get blurred.

Either violence is okay or it isn't. The moment you start putting conditions on it, understanding it, you start condoning it.

@SpringHasSprungYay

I can't believe they let him receive an Oscar after that.

Where were the security guards? Why didn't they remove him for assaulting someone?

Money. Not going to interfere with the money making event. Money.

The O's generate money its transmitted around the world live and then sold in segments.
Each award has a fixed time slot speeches have to be limited. They have unpaid seat fillers for people taking bathroom breaks.
If WS decided he is not moving from his seat production would have had to manage a brawl in front of the stage.

"Not justifying it but that’s clearly where it came from"

Yes this is called a cycle of violence. Children who are or who witness abuse often grow up to be abusers themselves.

He has a LOT of money and could make better choices than this - therapy etc . His speech was all over the place, there is clearly a lot going on there.

@Clymene

Violence is never okay. Never.

That was not about defending Jada's honour either, it was about protecting Will's ego. He was shouting 'my wife'. Not Jada but 'my wife'. She is a possession, and Rock dissed her.

Will Smith is an aggressive violent man and I'm appalled that anyone condones his behaviour.

No wonder we have such an epidemic of male violence in our society.

I have a brother. He is 'my brother'. No one has ever claimed by referring to him that way meant I possessed him.

In the context of American ‘roast’ style comedy at award shows, I didn’t think the ‘joke’ about Jada was terrible. It could even have been taken as a (albeit slightly shit) compliment since GI Jane is a strong character and both Demi and Jada look incredible with that haircut. However, it was obvious from Jada’s reaction she didn’t appreciate it, which is understandable.

I thought the ‘joke’ which immediately preceded it, about Javier Bardem getting a hard time from Penelope Cruz (whom he didn’t even bother to name except ‘his wife’) if she didn’t win Best Actress, was also pretty awful. Lazy misogyny all round, and utterly unsurprising coming from Chris Rock.

There is still no justification for hitting him, and I think it’s appalling Will Smith wasn’t immediately escorted off the premises.

I wonder how many of the people here would have a different opinion if someone was verbally abusive to you and your husband just stood idly by.

I liked Will Smith - don’t know everything about him but enjoyed watching films etc Not a fan of Chris not really liked things he’s in. (Madagascar excluded from that!)

BUT violence should never be the answer. I’m slightly concerned by the slightly tilt head brigade ahh but Chris provoked him. Will shouldn’t have hit him.

@BootsAndRoots

I wonder how many of the people here would have a different opinion if someone was verbally abusive to you and your husband just stood idly by.

In the context of an Oscars show, I would expect my DH to hold my hand or put an arm around and not laugh at the joke.

At the earliest appropriate time, I would expect to him.to listen to my thoughts and feelings and support my decision about how to respond to this joke'. Being in show business, I would know that Chris Rock was following a script.

male violence

male on male violence and male on female violence are different categories though.

Notably, murder rates of men vary hugely by country. Murder rates of women vary less. So in countries with very low murder rates like South Korea, more women are murdered than men. I think "male violence" isn't the most useful designation. We all know on this board that there are some men who are violent and abusive and predatory to women, who wouldn't say boo to another man.

I wonder if the reverse holds? Are there some men who get in fights with other men in public who would never harm their wife? I'm inclined to think yes, although I'm not sure this is an example of it. Abusers abuse people they see as subordinates. Will Smith is clearly used to treating the entire world like they're his subordinates.

I can't defend his behaviour, but tbh I didn't mind seeing that slap. A world where everyone acted like that would clearly be a worse world, but it would also have fewer mean-spirited jokes.

I am in two minds about this. Both think Will Smith and his fragile male ego should have been removed, arrested.

Both also think Chris Rock deserved some kind of cummuppence for his frankly tediously long and regularly abhorrent career.

But not this. This was, in every way, inexcusable.

"In the context of American ‘roast’ style comedy at award shows, I didn’t think the ‘joke’ about Jada was terrible. It could even have been taken as a (albeit slightly shit) compliment since GI Jane is a strong character and both Demi and Jada look incredible with that haircut"

@Ogwen do you have alopecia?

I'm sadly unsurprised by some comments here despite this thread being on the fucking feminist board. I posted on the AIBU and will see if I can copy it here. I can absolutely understand the instinct of someone wanting to protect someone they love (wife, husband, child whatever) who has been hurt, but male violence is never acceptable. People can give justifications or reasons all they like but they are excuses. There is no excuse whatsoever for male violence. We all have instincts but it shows more strength and integrity to resist those instincts than it is to give into them.

@BootsAndRoots

I wonder how many of the people here would have a different opinion if someone was verbally abusive to you and your husband just stood idly by.

There were other options WS could've picked. He could've walked out in protest taking Jada with him, he could've taken to the stage and called him out, he could've mentioned it in his acceptance speech.

He chose to just walk up and lamp him which is not acceptable. Full stop.

The pics of him partying after makes me feel sick.

@BootsAndRoots

I wonder how many of the people here would have a different opinion if someone was verbally abusive to you and your husband just stood idly by.

My partner would have turned to me and checked that I was alright, and asked me what I wanted to do. Never in a month of Sundays would he ever have taken violent action against someone for saying something cruel. That's one of the (many) reasons I am in a long term relationship with him, is his rock solid refusal to be physically and verbally aggressive, despite being a physically intimidating man.

The oscars is effectively a work function for the attendees. If I went to a work do and my husband leapt up on stage amd hit someone I would be beyond mortified. Horrified.

Put it on tv as well ... honestly I feel sorry for JPS right now. The rest of her day / evening must have felt awful. Just awful

And no matter how she actually feels, I expect she will put out a statement saying how much she loves him for being a strong husband father blah blah.

@spacehardware

The oscars is effectively a work function for the attendees. If I went to a work do and my husband leapt up on stage amd hit someone I would be beyond mortified. Horrified.

Put it on tv as well ... honestly I feel sorry for JPS right now. The rest of her day / evening must have felt awful. Just awful

She was at the after party dancing along with Will as he waved his oscar around and rapped to his old songs.

Neither of them are going to feel at all bad. Will's acceptance speech made it quite clear that he was not sorry.

@BootsAndRoots

I wonder how many of the people here would have a different opinion if someone was verbally abusive to you and your husband just stood idly by.

Strawman spotted.

If somebody made an offensive joke at my expense and my husband at first laughed and then decided to slap them only after seeing my reaction, I'd be upset at the person who made the joke, but I'd be horrified at my husband's over-reaction.

I’d expect my husband
a) not to laugh in the first instance
b) not to physically attack someone in my name.