Changing rooms update

[FairytaleofBykerGrove]

Little update - I came on here 2 years ago because my child’s school had told us there was a child identifying as a girl who wanted to use girls communal changing rooms for swimming. It’s taken two whole years (and the child is now a boy again after getting a haircut), but the school has finally published a statement making clear that changing rooms will be separated “on an anatomical basis” and anyone uncomfortable with this could contact the school to make a different arrangement. I was on my own, challenging the school board throughout this. Although others agreed privately no other parent was willing to get involved. So you alone can make a difference.

Thank you

Thank you so much OP
I don't know the age group of the children at your school, but it's a horrible thought that for 2 years the girls had to put up with a boy in their changing room for swimming
I know some boys would see this as an ideal opportunity to gawp at girls and be gladly revealing what the girls looked like to their (boy) friends.
I'm just so happy to hear that, at your school at least, the right attitude has finally been taken

Well done, but seriously two years to sort this is a disgraceful for that school.

I heard rumours at our secondary school that a boy who said he was a girl was using the girls facilities. I emailed the school and had no response in two weeks so I went through a formal complaint and copied in Ofsted and Safe Schools Alliance. My question was any boys in those facilities. They said no so I then rephrased my question any males in female facilities. I got the answer no. I've since heard that the boy in question has left the school. So the next school now has the problem.

Safe Schools Alliance we're grateful for being made aware and they helped me word my emails.

There should be no males in our girl's facilities. I urge every parent to write to their schools and get this confirmation in writing.

Of course none of this is helped by the misinformation and misrepresentation of guidance and law around single sex spaces and children who say they are the opposite sex. A child does not get to choose which facilities they use.
Safe Schools Alliance
Transgender Trend
and
Our Duty
all have helpful information and templates to help you write letters.

Well done OP. A win for all the children, including those who may be gender confused.

Well done and congratulations

Brilliant work. Thank you.

Good job, OP!!!!

You're amazing OP. Truly.

I may be contacting you shortly got
Advice. DD's school has a very active LGBTQ+'community who create assemblies that are rolled out on almost a monthly basis.

A residential visit has been advertised for the summer and a number of pupils have asked their teacher about how rooms are divided. The teacher responded and told the class that the rooms are separated by sex and will not f course be in friendship groups of their choice.

DD said that there were lots of black looks and suggestions that there would be a complaint made in writing by these pupils should they not be allowed to have a non-binary dorm I.e. two biological males sharing with their 2 biological females (all 14 years of age).

I assume the teacher is pretty forthright - DD likes her and trusts her - but will this residential visit now come under the same pressure? I don't imagine that DD will be put in a position where she will have to share her personal space, but if this is pushed, then some girls are going to get their spaces compromised, even unwittingly under the pressure to 'be kind'.

*for advice

*of course be in friendship groups according to biological sex

I need to proof read more 🙈

Was it an Irish school? I think i remember it being about an Irish school. @FairytaleofBykerGrove

Yes it is an Irish school. So a lot of the advice regarding the legal status of sex vs gender in UK didn’t apply. However I did use the Irish definitions and legal status of gender and self-ID to point out that there is no legal self ID for children and no legal definition of non binary or any gender other than male and female.

Well done op

@Datun

Well done, fairy. And thanks for the update.

One person can absolutely make a difference. Most people disagree with the ideology, profoundly, but they're too scared to say so. So one person is often just the tipping point that's needed.

You are that one, very brave, person. Thank you.

I agree, 100%. Thanks for doing this, Fairy.

Brilliant, OP.

You're a national hero, op. Well done, and thank you for fighting for this

Can I ask if there are any Irish websites / resources that you found useful in helping you make your case? And would you be willing to share the key points you made when communicating with the school? I think many mums here in Ireland would benefit from reading them; it would forearm us for the battles that lie ahead.

I wish I’d kept all the emails I sent but I got a new phone and lost most of them. I used info on the GRC forms and Health and Safety guidelines for schools - if you can find my first thread I think it was all signposted to me there.

I was sympathetic towards the child in question but tried to speak in general terms eg what happens when it’s a 12 year old girl who wants to change with the boys? What about a male teacher who transitions, do they then supervise the girls changing?

And pointed out that the girls are so concerned about the feelings of the boy that they are ignoring their own boundaries and feelings of discomfort and the school was encouraging this, which was setting them up to ignore their boundaries in the future.

I asked if the boy had been asked to consider the girls’ feelings and if not why not?

I said it was not the girls’ responsibility to validate anyone else’s feelings by being naked around them.

There was a lot more but it’s been a long time and I’ve been challenging their SPHE programme at the same time. My main advice is be tenacious, demand an explicit policy and don’t allow yourself to be fobbed off.

Thanks for that.
It took a lot of courage to challenge this on your own - you should be very proud of what you achieved.
Just one more thing - could you please post the link to your original thread so I can read through it?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3840600-8-year-old-boy-wants-to-change-with-the-girls?pg=1

Good luck to you.