Changing rooms update

[FairytaleofBykerGrove]

Little update - I came on here 2 years ago because my child’s school had told us there was a child identifying as a girl who wanted to use girls communal changing rooms for swimming. It’s taken two whole years (and the child is now a boy again after getting a haircut), but the school has finally published a statement making clear that changing rooms will be separated “on an anatomical basis” and anyone uncomfortable with this could contact the school to make a different arrangement. I was on my own, challenging the school board throughout this. Although others agreed privately no other parent was willing to get involved. So you alone can make a difference.

Oh well done!
Here's to difficult women 🥃

Well done!

Well done !

I genuflect in your general direction!!!

Thanks for letting us know! Such a breath of fresh air to hear about a success in this fight that should never have been allowed to start.

Well done and thank you for updating.

Have a think about all the other parents now breathing a sigh of relief, followed by a feeling of shame that they didn't do the right thing... Well done you

Congratulations @FairytaleofBykerGrove

I’m also thinking about the child’s adolescent (?) confusion and unhappiness with his body and his maleness. Pleased that he came through this with no damage to his body such as puberty blockers or artificial hormones. It attests to the value of waiting.

It also suggests that adults and institutions shouldn’t reorganise themselves on the basis of one child’s feelings. And that sec is immutable and girls should have their own single sex spaces.

Wooohooo! I needed this!

That's brave stuff. Huge well done to you x

Great news

Well done @FairytaleofBykerGrove.

This can be turned around. I like 'anatomical'. I expect they had a very long meeting to get to that word.

There's so little good news at the moment, thank you for providing some.
Also for the laugh at the gender-smashing haircut. I wonder how that conversation went.
"Mummy I want to have short hair like Harry and Alfie"
"But darling, that means you're not a girl!"
"Don't care, want short hair."
"Ok sweetie, I'll order some blue t-shirts for you"

Things I have learned, for anyone in a similar situation:

1. Ask mumsnet sages for advice and support
2. Deal with the school in writing as much as you can - conversations get away from you, especially if you get emotional - and things can be easily “forgotten”
3. Get on the school board if at all possible
4. Use the “sandwich” technique. Sandwich criticisms between gushing praise of the school.
5. Don’t make it personal. It’s not about any particular child, but about the policy.
6. Persist, persist, persist. They tried so many times to say they were listening but without acting. Don’t give up.

To answer a couple of questions - the boy desisted in lockdown. He’s been swimming since in the appropriate changing room with no issues.

The wording was very careful - no use of male or female. I was told it had been a “very long and heated process”.

Thanks to those of you who gave me desperately needed moral support as well as sensible advice.

Fantastic news Fairy and great advice too. Well done.

Well done for your perseverance - a trait not often seen these days. Sadly.

Well done Fairy, that is excellent.

✔🌟 Thank you.

Well done!!! That is great news.

Great news. Well done, you absolute star!!

Well done! Every battle won helps win the war.

Brilliant - well done!

Hang on....
No criticism of you, don't get me wrong, you've done amazingly.

But, is the only reason they changed the school policy to "on an anatomical basis" because this particular child desisted/ detransitioned?

I'm concerned essentially that had this child continued on a trans pathway, the entire school policy would be built around that. It's only because basically there aren't any trans pupils anymore that they're finally able to assert same sex spaces.

What happens when another boy wants to identify as a girl?

Many of us parents will find ourselves confronted by this situation.

@Circumferences

Hang on.... No criticism of you, don't get me wrong, you've done amazingly.

But, is the only reason they changed the school policy to "on an anatomical basis" because this particular child desisted/ detransitioned?

I'm concerned essentially that had this child continued on a trans pathway, the entire school policy would be built around that. It's only because basically there aren't any trans pupils anymore that they're finally able to assert same sex spaces.

What happens when another boy wants to identify as a girl?

Many of us parents will find ourselves confronted by this situation.

Perhaps the detransitioning of the child helped the school see past the "this is who they are, it's a fact, it's like being gay, it's how you're born, born in the wrong body, etc etc etc" mantras of the TRAs. It's probably harder to argue that A must be allowed access to girls' spaces because they are literally a girl, when A stops "being a girl" on their own.

Hopefully the decision will now stay in place, and the school may even be a little less enthusiastic about affirming social transition in future.