Bel Mooney advice column 'Should I tell my partner I want to be a woman?'

[Distractable]

Article in the mail www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-10552763/BEL-MOONEY-tell-partner-want-woman.html

Man in civil partnership with another man after failed marriage to a woman now wants to transition. Woman characteristics: sitting on the loo, crossing legs, brunette hair 'just below my ears'.

Some advice from David 'Diana' Thomas given. At least Bel Mooney says 'I do worry that your longer letter reveals some truly simplistic stereotypical ideas of what constitutes ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ behaviour.'

some truly simplistic stereotypical ideas of what constitutes ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ behaviour.'

That's all there is, my friend ...

If this person is going to transition, I would advise telling the partner.

Yes I think telling his 82 year old partner would definitely be advised especially as he points out their lack of sexual relations and his longing for ‘physical love’. It sounds like if he does transition he may be looking elsewhere.

Diana says: ‘As a general matter of principle, I think it’s vital for trans people to meet the rest of the world halfway.

Another man’s story in Femail?

I’m so sick of these men and their whining.

It's funny how the advice is never to tell the duped partner that they want to break up with him/her because he wants to go about the transition after. Not even as a male couple. There's sometimes the idea posed that partner may want to end things, but generally the idea is to place the responsibility tor what happens next on the partner, who might have "some big emotions", or "need some time to get their head around it".

Any responsibility for what happens next is only superficially placed on the man, like it's some kind of game or challenge to see how well they can manipulate the partner, while the partner is faced with being seen as a bigot if she/he doesn't want to be in a trans relationship.

At least BM also refers gently to what DT spent to transition, which IIRC they said at the time was north of £100,000. And DT obviously allows reference to their past name which is helpful.

Tbh Anthony sounds as if he was in the middle of a fantasy when he was writing.

Woman characteristics: sitting on the loo, crossing legs, brunette hair 'just below my ears'.

So that's most men in the 1970s.

I had hair to my ass before it fell out. Always sit on the loo. Used to criss cross my legs like elastic bands as a yoof . Ah..the tell tale signs were all there

@JellySaurus

Woman characteristics: sitting on the loo, crossing legs, brunette hair 'just below my ears'.

So that's most men in the 1970s.

Bar the crossed legs (PSA, everyone should stop this) that is a lot of men in many countries.

Yes I think you should tell your partner. You're welcome.

Yeah I read this today too and had a wee chuckle.
What a revelation.
Woman = sitting down on the loo, shoulder length hair.

Now we know, woohoo!

He has been married to a woman and still has no fucking idea about the reality of being an actual woman.

I think that letter is a spoof. 69 year old man with an 82 year old man doesn’t have a great sex life, what does he thinks will happen better if he decides he’s a woman.

" I have had one failed marriage; my wife was totally wrong for me and also unfaithful."

You were wrong for her you selfish idiot- being as how presumably she thought she was marrying a heterosexual man. No wonder she was "unfaithful".

Bit of a whinge about the sex life with current partner. When my (older) husband is 82 I'll be delighted if he can get up out of a chair easily at the first go let alone anything else up.

Anthony/ Yvonne sounds like a self obsessed prat who is about to chuck a grenade in somebody's else's life for the second time, except now the unfortunate partner is 82. Anthony may have shoulder length hair and sit down to wee but sadly Anthony's "feminine traits" do not extend to giving much of a toss about anyone except Anthony.

I have no hair whatsoever apart from on my toes so must clearly be a chap.
I haven’t read the article but, from what you’ve all said, Mooney is a least acknowledging the power of sexist stereotypes rather than bowing in thrall to the MAN-TRA (first time I’ve realised how apt that word is to this issue)

Oh fuck, my dad used to cross his legs when he sat down
Does that mean he was really my mother ?

Oh no! DP sits on the loo and I noticed in the cinema yesterday he had his legs crossed!

But hang on, he mowed the lawn today and has watched the rugby and the football so that's a relief, I don't think he'll have any news for me ;-)

Interesting that the advice is from Diana Thomas who Julie Bindell described as previously being a men's rights activist.

Don't worry, the clincher is the hair under the ears

@Somanysocks

Don't worry, the clincher is the hair under the ears

Surely most 69 year old men also have hair in their ears as well?

My DH is sat with his ankles crossed. Now I'm a lesbian.

Blimey who knew

Ooh, so’s mine!

I've always thought most agony aunt letters are made up, but surely that's the most made up one ever?