Men taking advantage.

[Bella3456]

So this is a random one. As a woman I know to be very careful and weary of strange men. But today honestly I'm baffled. Where is the line between someone being creepy and someone just being friendly? I'm on holiday eith my 6 year old in butlins skegness (if anyone else is im the stressed one in a bright pink coat LOL) and I went to get some food at the food court (son infront of me) and the chef was extremely chatty. Naturally I just thought the had to chat to staff as part of working at butlins but he was asking me loads of questions (infront of many other customers) but again I assumed maybe butlins policy for staff to be friendly. He then laughed and said 'left he husband at home then!' And because I assumed he was safe i said no husband for me single Pringle (assuming he was being chatty because he was supposed to be) suddenly infront of everyone he said 'give me your nunber then' now honestly in evry part of my life I always always say to men I have a partner at home. I think because I felt safe and secure I just had a laugh and was accidentally honest. This was onfront of everyone and I didn't want to embarrassed him so I said 'you give me yours' I felt like if I rejected his request he would have felt embarrassed. Also please on this post be kind. I do not like making other people feel awkward or embarrassed. That's why I asked to take his number. He gave it me of course I haven't text. I reall feel like he tricked me by being 'overly friendly' and because it was at butlins I really did assume it was policy to be over friendly which is why I basically accidentally told the truth. How could I have been more firm? I want to add i do not feel threatened or harrased. But I do feel tricked into an awkward situation because he did it infront of EVERYONE. Ive just never experience anything like this is a bloody family resort.

Certainly not for harassment, i just understand himans are flawed and wont always act in a manner youd like. I really dont see this as being an issue of harassment. Made to feel uncomfortable isnt the same as suffering from harassment.

@Kimilybob

I just understand himans are flawed and wont always act in a manner youd like. I really dont see this as being an issue of harassment. Made to feel uncomfortable isnt the same as suffering from harassment.

No, no. Silly to backtrack now.

It's is a manner you like though. You literally said that 'manipulation' and 'pressure' being applied to women by men who want to date / shag them is something you support. "Good for him."

And you've just repeated again that you think it's ok for men to make women uncomfortable.

Do you know any young girls? Or teens? You are comfortable telling them that when they're an adult, if a man does "use the situation to manipulate and pressure a bit.., good on him." You'd say that to them would you?

She didn't have a free choice to say No, because he asked her with an audience while she was trying to buy food on holiday.

And? She still had a choice.

If she said "No" she'd be embarrassing him in front of all those people, which women are socialised not to do, because it's mean.

And? There were so many red flags in that conversation, fair to say most would have killed the conversation dead long before it got to the husband question. I’d be more embarrassed at having people around me seeing me take the number of the chef. I’m certain other customers would have found the whole thing inappropriate too rather than been embarrassed for him.

He is also in a position of relative power over her in the encounter. So saying no had negative consequences for her, and therefore it's not a free choice.

Is he though? A customer has way more power than staff. He has to stay out, she can walk off, he should be serving other customers not having drawn out conversations. If I’d witnessed this little exchange, I’d have been talking to management about it.

@Grantingmum

Hmmm. So maybe he shouldn't have been at work when he asked but come on, all he did was ask for her number. He might do it all the time, he might have really fancied her and thought why the hell not and it was a one off, he might have something going on where he can't read social situations very well, he might be a entitled arse. I still think the OP needs more confidence in saying no (and that's ok). But the world would be a very boring place if we were all to scared to ask for someone's number for risk of offending anyone.

Four nights and a maybe.

Here are another two , maybe he hits on a new woman every week. He might not have an STD.

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@Kimilybob

I just understand himans are flawed and wont always act in a manner youd like. I really dont see this as being an issue of harassment. Made to feel uncomfortable isnt the same as suffering from harassment.

No, no. Silly to backtrack now.

It's is a manner you like though. You literally said that 'manipulation' and 'pressure' being applied to women by men who want to date / shag them is something you support. "Good for him."

And you've just repeated again that you think it's ok for men to make women uncomfortable.

Do you know any young girls? Or teens? You are comfortable telling them that when they're an adult, if a man does "use the situation to manipulate and pressure a bit.., good on him." You'd say that to them would you?[/quote]
Id be comfortable telling them to expect men WILL use manipulation and pressure in attempting sexual relations. That its to be expected.

Id be comfortable telling them to expect men WILL use manipulation and pressure in attempting sexual relations. That its to be expected.

It's to be expected because attitudes like yours perpetuate it.
Your comments are despicable and quite disturbing.
I think you're on a wind-up though, just as with the separate loos thing.
I hope so anyway.

@Kimilybob

Id be comfortable telling them to expect men WILL use manipulation and pressure in attempting sexual relations. That its to be expected.

So you wouldn't say "good on him" if it was directed towards your daughter? Only if it's other women. Got it.

Nobody has said men don't do these things. Everyone has said they do and that it's not acceptable. You said "good on him".

Gross.

My daughter does get advances from men i trust her judgement as to choosing who she dates or not.

@Kimilybob

My daughter does get advances from men i trust her judgement as to choosing who she dates or not.

You said "good on him" about the guy, specifically for being 'manipulative' and using 'pressure'.

Scary that women like you have daughters tbh.

I'm.glad your not my mum kim

I have needed my mum or another adult to step in befire to protect me.

Ironically I went on a Butlins holiday myself when I was 17. I spent half the time drinking and smoking weed with the lifeguards.

I probably shouldn't have been trusted to make a sensible decision

Being pressured is subjective but we use manipulation in some form or another in many scenarios, it doesnt always have to mean ill intent.

@Whatwouldscullydo

I'm.glad your not my mum kim

I have needed my mum or another adult to step in befire to protect me.

Ironically I went on a Butlins holiday myself when I was 17. I spent half the time drinking and smoking weed with the lifeguards.

I probably shouldn't have been trusted to make a sensible decision

Indeed, i can assure you i have put the work in early on in her life to be confident that at 17 she most certainly wouldnt be smoking weed and drinking on a family holiday. Stepping in too late likely wouldnt make a difference at that stage.

You don't think the whole " he was just being nice"

" he mis understood you "

" don't cause trouble "

Thing had no influence over any of it?

@Kimilybob

You said what you said re OP so no use doing this weird backtracking. You said "good on him" not just for asking her out, but specifically for using the situation to 'manipulate and put pressure on' her.

Let's hope your daughter has some other role models to talk to about relationships and male / female dynamics in general.

@Ionlydomassiveones

“I do not like making other people feel awkward or embarrassed.”

Saying no to men should be on the school curriculum to become second nature for girls so that when they become women they are not socialised into this toxic people pleasing.

Absolutely.

Kimilybob has been all over these boards as of late, telling women to shut up, ignore their boundaries and their rights.

Rhymes with doll.

I never realised that some people were so desperate for male attention that they find this shit to be no big deal.

Wow...

‘Good on him’. 🤮🤮🤮

Let's hope your daughter has some other role models to talk to about relationships and male / female dynamics in general

I absolutely shudder when I look back and think about alot of the situations I've been in with men. Often with men who were older than me. I grew up acquiring the notion that it would basically be my fault and that NAMALT etc. So when situations did happen I had no idea how to get out of them and I'd only put myself in them in order to prove to all the other " horrible women/girls" that he wouldnt do that. Men aren't like that. See its perfectly fine.

Except some times it wasn't. Sometimes I ended up.back.at someone s house unable to get home he'd driven or I didnt know the way or the adress etc. It was easier to not cause trouble and not say no in the hope all would be good in the morning and he'd just call me a taxi or drive me home.

One time I went back with someone who then started shouting and attacking his house mates. He'd seemed so nice and I didn't want to stay after that but I didn't feel safe to leave either.

I eventually got out of that situation before I had to do anything too much.

I no.lomger give men the benefit of the doubt. But that was a lesson a long time in the learning . I wish I'd have had it from my mum. Actually had it not just told no. And never spoken about it ever again. But properly spoken to and told its not my fault and this is what men do.

I think its admirable for men to speak up when they are attracted to someone. There was nothing wrong with what he did imo. No backtracking here. Adults can refuse advances such as these and chose not to be manipulated or pressured.
I dont think its the job of schools however to be teaching kids how to say no. This is 101 for mothers and farthers to be taught at home.

Wow I cant believe how many replies I've got from this post! If anyone wants to know I didn't text him and I haven't seen him at the kitchen....at all! Maybe he actually realised he was a bit pushy and is trying to avoid me thank god!! Its my last day today and haven't seen him scince so im happy! I'm not going to report him because I think he's at least had the decency to avoid me from me not texting him. Again amazed at how many replied I've had! Thankyou ladies!

@Kimilybob

I think its admirable for men to speak up when they are attracted to someone. There was nothing wrong with what he did imo. No backtracking here. Adults can refuse advances such as these and chose not to be manipulated or pressured. I dont think its the job of schools however to be teaching kids how to say no. This is 101 for mothers and farthers to be taught at home.

And what about the kids whose parents don't care or aren't equipped to have the discussion...? Kids from families that are culturally traditionally opposed to women being equal to men? Kids who are raised by grandparents who are old fashioned and don't discuss sex and relationships openly?

We just write them off and say not our problem even though issues surrounding consent, harassment and men making women uncomfortable and fearful affect the whole of society?

I really hope you are a troll and not a parent but unfortunately I think you are real.

Your beliefs minimise the danger women face within society and also enable men to make women uncomfortable or scared.

Yet dangerous men won't hate you any less because you post handmaiden shit on MN by the way. The dangerous ones will hate you just like they hate all women.

So while you enable toxic behaviour, those of us who tackle these issues instead of saying "good on him" are helping to protect you and your daughter too. You're welcome.

Adults can refuse advances such as these and chose not to be manipulated or pressured.

No wonder rape convictions are at 1% when people think being pressured is a choice.

And why do posters engage with 'k' all over these forums, who is obviously against women and is argumentative seemingly for the fun of it?