AIBU to wonder why the women just accept this?

[CremeEggsForBreakfast]

I am in a fashion-reated FB group. There are two men in the group who describe themselves as "men who like to wear dresses". These are their own words. The rest of the group are women.

The women bend over backwards to compliment the men who like to wear dresses, enthusing about the colour choices they wear, their accessories, and even their figures. This was fine by me - live and let live and all that - until recently when one of these men posted a photo of his bra and pants (albeit nearly folded on the bed) and how excited he was that they matched his dress. Again, the women enthused loudly, asking where he got said underwear etc.

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious? And why are all the other women leaping to accept him instead of asking him to keep him underwear out of shot?

Yes, I can see men are different in the way you say @terryleather. He isn’t a young teenage girl, so what is it all about.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

It made me massively uncomfortable. Am I right in thinking he's getting off on this or am I just too suspicious?

Yes
No

This.

If they are not fetishists, they would not want the fawning response, they would want women to react to them the way they react to the other women on the site. The fawning dynamic suggests an awareness that it is fetishism.

@TheGreatATuin

I think its about wanting to be liked and be nice, along with a little naivety because they don't realise it's sexual.

With out meaning to be rude, you seem somewhat naive about blokes (speaking as one)

I'm in a bra-related group and recently there was a post by a FTM raving about how comfortable their new bra was with a full picture. I was surprised at how many felt the need to comment on how lovely the post was (normally the comments are focused on fit) when I just felt a bit uncomfortable and it struck me that this person was courting such replies for validation.

Maybe I'm just massively jealous because flitting between a B/C cup would be a dream compared to the melons I have to lug about.

It reminds me a bit of the way some teen girls interact with each other. So my guess is that on the side of the women it's something to do with power hierarchies.

[quote SometimesIwalksideways]@Porridgeislife same . I was on a vintage 40s group and there was a self Iding trans woman in it who changed clothes two/three times a day. Expensive brands and expensive vintage items , with matching accessories,shoes etc. I ended up leaving the group as all these women were fawning over them. I wondered if they had a trans widow somewhere who was struggling for cash and raising their children ,while they maxed out the credit cards. ( Yeah this will be deleted won't it?). Yep can't understand why women make a fuss on these groups[/quote]
I think this was the same group I was in. I left.

all these women pushed out of groups they enjoyed by men

and as a poster points out above, the main clue is bras

men don't have breasts, they don't need to wear bras. If a man is wearing a bra that gives you a clue about what's going on. He is aping women, either because he hates us, or for sexual gratification, or (most likely) both

Until it all implodes in a purity spiral !

@Hasselhoffsheadband

This happened in a FB beauty group I was in. A transwoman posted lots of full length selfies, and there were loads of fawning comments.

It then transpired that this person was trying to message inappropriately to some of the younger members of the group and it all went a bit tits up!

Was that Mrs Gloss? Because I remember a similar incident there. The guy's pictures were getting a bit much but anyone who suggested that was told to #bekind etc and then he was kicked out of the group for messaging a teenager!

[quote SometimesIwalksideways]@Porridgeislife same . I was on a vintage 40s group and there was a self Iding trans woman in it who changed clothes two/three times a day. Expensive brands and expensive vintage items , with matching accessories,shoes etc. I ended up leaving the group as all these women were fawning over them. I wondered if they had a trans widow somewhere who was struggling for cash and raising their children ,while they maxed out the credit cards. ( Yeah this will be deleted won't it?). Yep can't understand why women make a fuss on these groups[/quote]
I read that as Self idoling transwoman first (dyslexic)

I think I know the FB group that you mean.

I left the group for a lot of reasons, but this was one of them.

@roarfeckingroarr

Style sisterhood by any chance? It's awash with certain men

I’m in this group. There are at least 3 that post regularly and one is now a moderator. They nearly always get far more likes/loves and comments than the women do.

The most recent one just the other day posted:
‘omg I am so glad I am transitioning, lovin the fem world on my new journey in life’

I particularly enjoyed the selection of emojis they used. How stunning and brave. They truly know what it means to be a woman 🙄

What surprises me is how naive many women are about men using these platforms as an opportunity to indulge a fetish
It also surprises me. Don't most grown women know that there are men who have fetishes for women's clothing and underwear?

When I was in my mid 20s I used to work in a high steer clothes shop which was popular with TV men at the time.
Most were fine
Once, I shut the fitting rooms for a big hairy farmer one - underneath he had those patterned tights of the late 00s with his big boots.
He tried on a lacey dress and was stroking his body and asking my opinion (me : um yes it’s lovely? ) I now realise he was probably just a creep
But now we’re “woke” and not allowed to stop creepy men from coming into the fitting rooms
How tf are 16 year shop girls supposed to figure whether a man is TV ( in which case no business being in the woman’s changing rooms) or a person going through gender change?

@Carbiesdreamhouse totally agree. Also do any real women use the term camisole in the uk? This trans "woman" is always talking about wearing silk camisoles with pencil skirts and how feminine he feels and ugh, why do they all fawn over him ?!

@Theimpossiblegirl

I'm in this group, tempted to leave but also curious to see how far they go. A while ago someone wanted everyone to stop using the term ladies/women and when some members objected there was a massive pile on. People were banned. The company says it's about women but there's a lot of pandering and yes, fetishism in plain sight.

I missed this discussion.....

I was part of the one where a headteacher asked the group for advice regarding a student struggling with gender. EVERYONE suggested Mermaids. I gently and tactfully suggested that she look at Transgender Trend to see the other side of the argument. Another poster suggested a Watch and Wait approach with links to research etc.

The one trans-woman in the group called us transphobic and the mods deleted our comments without a word to us 🙄

@WonderfulYou

I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it’s similar to the photo you posted but I would if they were posing in their underwear (same as I would if they were females actually).

Some men do enjoy dressing in females clothes. I personally don’t see the appeal but I don’t judge as I do have some items of clothes that are men’s too.
I have quite a few friends that wear men’s boxer shorts instead of female underwear but I don’t think they don’t do it for sexual reasons.

I wear a few items of men's clothing occasionally because I find they're a more comfortable fit than the women's equivalent. I don't dress up as a man, though. These men are dressing up as women.

I may be being uncharitable (though I am relieved to see the majority of people here would also feel uncomfortable) but I feel this man is testing the waters. It started off as just him in a dress and now he's being applauded for showing us his underwear. Now he knows that's okay, how long will it be before it's a photo of him in said underwear?

I was in a Facebook group for vintage fashion, and it was definitely more about authentic fashion rather than burlesque etc. I was already a bit put off my the couple of MTF posters on there, as their posts seemed to regularly involve a flash of underwear (not something any of the women's posts did). But the final straw was when they posted a photo of one of them sat, literally, on the other ones face. 🤮

The comments were all about how fun and glamorous they looked though

Medusa So they were simulating a sex act and no one said anything or banned them?

Reddit is awful for this.
On makeup and hair subs, and 2xxchromosomes if you scroll through the highly rewarded posts tend to be by transwomen, often with nsfw profiles proving they are anything but women.
Don’t get me started in the lesbian subs! 🤬🤮

@QueenSue

Medusa So they were simulating a sex act and no one said anything or banned them?

Nope. It's beyond belief isn't it?

Now he knows that's okay, how long will it be before it's a photo of him in said underwear?

Shall we open a book? Definitely only a matter of time, just nudging away at those boundaries all the while and so many women just don't seem to be able to see it

It really is beyond beleif. There clearly is a need for women's fashion forums with rules against male pervs.

How tf are 16 year shop girls supposed to figure whether a man is TV ( in which case no business being in the woman’s changing rooms) or a person going through gender change?

I think you'll find that nowadays this distinction doesn't exist in terms of policy making.