The idea that harmful sexual fantasies about abusing others should be de-stigmatised, as it will help men come forward for help to control them before they act on them, is misguided in my opinion.
When a harmful sexual behaviour has been eroticised by someone, it is associated with pleasure for that person, and the desire to continue to engage in the fantasy and escalate it by acting on it will be strong. People are more likely to be motivated to seek help to manage their harmful sexual fantasies, if the negative results of continuing or escalating it, outweigh the pleasure they feel from engaging in it. For example, in the case of S&M someone is more likely to seek help for their eroticisation of masochism if it is stigmatised, as it also has negative consequences for them, beyond just the stigmatisation. Whereas sadism has no negative consequences to the person who eroticises it, beyond the stigmatisation itself, so they are less likely to seek help for it.
Moreover, since the desire to experience pleasure is very strong, one is far more likely to try to justify the cause of their pleasure, even if it is harmful to others, so they can continue to engage in the fantasy or escalate it and act on it, rather than seeking help to manage it. Stigmatisation and harsh punishments can assist, in helping those who fantasise about abusing others to be motivated to seek help, though I think the pleasure of engaging in the abusive behaviour will often be a stronger motivator. However, when there is strong stigmatisation men find it harder to justify their behaviour to others around them, when there is less stigmatisation men find it easier to justify their behaviour to others around them, this is why men campaign for harmful sexual behaviours to be de-stigmatised.
I think it is misguided to think that men who are not seeking help, to control their harmful fantasies when there is more stigma, will be more motivated to seek help when there is less stigma. I think all that will happen is they will be more likely to try justify their behaviour to others. This is exactly what we have seen when a certain fetish, has been rebranded, and fetishises such as S&M/BDSM have been rebranded as ‘kink’ or ‘sex games’. Therefore, I think P should actually be more stigmatised, rather than less stigmatised, regardless of whether the person claims to act on it or not. Otherwise we are likely to end up with ‘don’t P shame’, or the claim that someone is ‘P-phobic’, when someone talks about the harms of it.