Anti-pronouns letter to companies

[Sunkisses]

This is an email a friend wrote to a law firm about how seeing pronouns in their staff emails makes her feel, as a woman. Apparently it may have worked as the male lawyer stopped putting pronouns in his signature. She wants other women to adapt it. She set up a gmail account in another name as she didn't want her email to result in negative treatment from the staff, but wanted the firm to know how statements of allegiance to gender ideology makes her feel.

Dear XX

I am a client of yours but I am sending this from an anonymous email account as I do not feel safe sending this from my real account, and fear it will have repurcussions on my treatment by your staff.

I wanted you to know that two of your staff who I deal with have she/her and he/him in their email signatures. I don't know if this is a standard practice and encouraged by XX, or if this is peculiar to these two staff.

I see the statement of pronouns in email signatures as a political statement on an extremely controversial and divisive issue. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, alienated, and quite fearful that I may not receive fair treatment if I disagreed with your staff on this issue. I wanted XX to know how I feel about this, and how many people are likely to feel.

The two staff are clearly female and male, and there is absolutely no reason for them to add these pronouns to their email signature apart from to make a clear political statement on their position on a very divisive issue. I do not believe your staff should be inserting their political positions into their communications with clients, especially on uniquely divisive issues. You would not expect to see staff stating their position on Brexit in their email signatures, with "Leave" or "Remain" added under their contact details. Or people stating "Christ is Lord" or "Allahu Akbar". Or "Vaccinate now" or "Lift lockdown" added.

I profoundly disagree with gender identity ideology. I see it as regressive, sexist and homophobic. I do not regard it as progressive in the slightest. I regard much of gender identity activism as extremely authoritarian and a threat to freedom of thought, belief, and expression, and a threat to the rights of women and girls. I profoundly disagree with the attempts to redefine what a woman is, and what same-sex attraction is. From conversations I have, most people agree with me but many are too fearful of saying so as this issue is so controversial and trans activists are incredibly aggressive and target people in their workplaces.

When I see your staff acting as activists with political statements in their email signatures it does not make me feel comfortable at all, and makes me feel like they would not treat me fairly if they knew that I profoundly disagreed with their political views on the importance of women's rights. It makes me feel they oppose the rights of women and girls, and it makes me feel alienated and completely excluded.

I ask that XX reconsider whether it is appropriate for staff to have political statements such as pronouns in their email signatures, and whether staff should be using their workplace as a forum for their activism.

Yours, XX

@Bellusaurus

If misgendering third parties was really the problem, wouldn't HR be offering handy hints?

I've asked Alex, who's fine with this.
Alex won't mind doing this
Kai's completed the project with Alex - thanks for letting us know, Kai.
Toni'll be bringing a personal laptop, but Robyn's is broken - we will need to supply one for Robyn

For the rare circs where I write about individuals of unknown sex by name, there are always easy workarounds. So give us a few pointers and leave us in peace - unless it's compliance rather than courtesy we're asked for?

Which is exactly what everyone does. And using the name avoids any ambiguity about who's doing what.

@Floisme

I'm finding this interesting because previously I had no really strong feelings about pronoun declarations provided they weren't compulsory. But now I'm thinking more deeply about it.

If a colleague wears a headscarf or crucifix then, as far as I'm concerned, that's an expression of their personal faith and there is no expectation on someone like me, who doesn't share that faith, to modify my behaviour in any way; it has zero effect on me.

If a colleague states their pronouns, and particularly if those pronouns differ from their sex, then there's an implicit but clear expectation that I should remember and use those pronouns. And if the statement is on a work email then there's a further implication that the company expects this too.

So not the same.

I'm still sceptical of the value of an anonymous, unsolicited email because I imagine most companies would spend about as much time reading it as they do a speculative CV, I.e a few seconds. But it's made me think and I like threads that do that.

Thinking about this, I think for me it comes down to what is actively politically contentious, and where I feel under threat.

I don't care if people wear a cross necklace or a turban. I am even happy to (try to) remember that the librarian is the Rev'd Dr So-and-so, not Mr. So-and-so.

But I don't feel like any of that is trying to force me to publicly acknowledge some metaphysical reality I don't believe in, or even more, that it is trying to co-opt my complicity in political policies I disagree with.

There could be places where it would be more appropriate in some settings for people to avoid certain religious titles or symbols, too, even though they might not be asking for any kind of acknowledgement. Because they might also be really politically or socially contentious in a setting where that's not useful. But that's not the reality in most western places now.

@KimikosNightmare thanks for belittling my example. It was just me trying to come up with an example off the top of my head. So yes contrived but I didn't want to trawl through my work emails for an example (nor did I think you'd all care so much)

I have asked genuinely several times now for someone to explain to me how including my own personal pronouns in my email signature is me making a lot political statement (Because I am interested) and perhaps it was naivety that led me to do this (and I don't mean to cause anyone any unease or offence)

However despite asking a genuine question seemingly everyone on this thread would rather laugh at me than actually answer my question.

@MargaritaPie

If I put "she/her" on my email signature at work does this mean I can now expect to be complained about if my office has a Gender Critical who notices?

I would imagine the list of complaints about you would be quite a bit longer than that.

I would imagine the list of complaints about you would be quite a bit longer than that.

Don't worry, margaritafromPIE's imaginary boss is really supportive.

[quote CloudsandTeacups]@KimikosNightmare thanks for belittling my example. It was just me trying to come up with an example off the top of my head. So yes contrived but I didn't want to trawl through my work emails for an example (nor did I think you'd all care so much)

I have asked genuinely several times now for someone to explain to me how including my own personal pronouns in my email signature is me making a lot political statement (Because I am interested) and perhaps it was naivety that led me to do this (and I don't mean to cause anyone any unease or offence)

However despite asking a genuine question seemingly everyone on this thread would rather laugh at me than actually answer my question. [/quote]
I don't think you are making a "political statement". I think you are engaging in pointless virtue- signalling.

I also genuinely believe that in your "chain of emails" scenario it is better for clarity to repeat names rather than risking any confusion about which "she/ he/ her/him" is being referred to.

@donquixotedelamancha

I would imagine the list of complaints about you would be quite a bit longer than that.

Don't worry, margaritafromPIE's imaginary boss is really supportive.

You spelled the first bit wrong- it’s MaRgaritA

@MargaritaPie

If I put "she/her" on my email signature at work does this mean I can now expect to be complained about if my office has a Gender Critical who notices?

No, I have such people as my colleagues. Some of them I like.

I would never make a complaint about them. I simply roll my eyes internally and make a mental note not to get chatting to them at the Christmas party...

[quote CloudsandTeacups]@KimikosNightmare thanks for belittling my example. It was just me trying to come up with an example off the top of my head. So yes contrived but I didn't want to trawl through my work emails for an example (nor did I think you'd all care so much)

I have asked genuinely several times now for someone to explain to me how including my own personal pronouns in my email signature is me making a lot political statement (Because I am interested) and perhaps it was naivety that led me to do this (and I don't mean to cause anyone any unease or offence)

However despite asking a genuine question seemingly everyone on this thread would rather laugh at me than actually answer my question. [/quote]
I think people were just responding to the example rather than trying to avoid your question.

But it's seen as a political statement because it is associated with a political lobby that is trying to have certain ideas passed into law, and makes a belief statement around the nature of maleness and femaleness, and demands certain kinds of language use, as well as attempts to ban certain types of discussion.

So the implication is, I have these pronouns in my signature, I believe in these things, and I am happy to try and make the law reflect that so you had better as well.

Most people I suspect have no idea that's what people associate with it, but they do. My boss has them, what it tells me is that I probably should keep my mouth shut when certain company policies come up for discussion at work. The head teacher at my daughter's after-school activity added them recently, what that tells me is maybe she will be passing on information to the kids which I disagree with, and which is dangerous to my daughter.

@LobsterNapkin thank you for answering. Some food for thought. I appreciate it.

@CloudsamdTeacups essentially, putting pronouns in your email signature is a signal that you subscribe to gender ideology e.g. that you believe that men magically become women just by saying so, and that men should be allowed in women's spaces such as women's toilets, changing rooms, prisons, hospital wards, women's refuges etc. If you have any doubts about whether men can literally turn into women because they say so, or that being a woman has nothing to do with biology but is just a feeling in a man's brain, then go ahead and put your pronouns in your email.

Sorry meant to say that if you DON'T have any doubts....

That is a very well constructed email. Bravo!!

I was reading the email, and was thinking if the organisation you've sent it too has actually got behind the whole ethos behind putting their pronouns out.
They'd just label you as phobic and reply something along the lines of- they acknowledge receipt of you email but feel that they need to back their stance and if that means losing you as a customer they will be ok with that.

I could actually imagine them rolling their eyes at certain points of the email.

Obviously if they've never thought about some of the points you've raised before it may make a difference, but they could easily just dismiss it too.

This is a fantastic resource thank you.
Wondering if any such letter exists for communicating with schools?
I am a secondary school teacher and find it terribly concerning that the library has an entire display full of trans ideology propaganda. I’d really like to communicate to the head that gender identity is a hugely controversial theory and the jury is very much still out. Does anyone have any experience of this?

An excellent letter and the correct approach!

@donquixotedelamancha

If I put "she/her" on my email signature at work does this mean I can now expect to be complained about if my office has a Gender Critical who notices?

A gender critical what? Is it really that distasteful to say the word feminist?

This. Can we have a break from dehumanising language?

@SafeguardingQueen

This is a fantastic resource thank you. Wondering if any such letter exists for communicating with schools? I am a secondary school teacher and find it terribly concerning that the library has an entire display full of trans ideology propaganda. I’d really like to communicate to the head that gender identity is a hugely controversial theory and the jury is very much still out. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Oooh I'd like this too. Shall we crowd source it here?

Thank you for this.

@SafeguardingQueen

This is a fantastic resource thank you. Wondering if any such letter exists for communicating with schools? I am a secondary school teacher and find it terribly concerning that the library has an entire display full of trans ideology propaganda. I’d really like to communicate to the head that gender identity is a hugely controversial theory and the jury is very much still out. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Have you taken a look at the resources on the Safe Schools Alliance - a school should not be promoting this sort of thing. Possibly worth flagging to the governing body.

I have my pronouns on my email signature (she/her) because we have a non-binary employee so their pronouns are they/them. I added my pronouns to my signature to show inclusivity to my colleague, so that they weren't the only person in the office to have them on their email signature. Where do we stand on this? I don't want to offend/upset anyone (but that includes my colleague!?) xxxx

I added my pronouns to my signature to show inclusivity to my colleague, so that they weren't the only person in the office to have them on their email signature.
But they're the only ones who need to highlight that their pronouns are not what would be generally expected 🤷🏻‍♀️
Not really sure why this needs "inclusivity", tbh. They've already set themselves outside the box, happy to press the point that they are different, why do we need to get into the box with them so they don't feel excluded?

Excluded from what, exactly?

To me, adding pronouns to my email would be a statement that I have a gender identity. But I don't, so It would feel like wearing a headscarf or a crucifix to show inclusivity to a Muslim or Christian colleague when in fact I don't share their religion.

Love it!