Is anyone else struggling with the obvious unfairness of this issue

[Fariha31]

I am begining to find the obvious unfairness of how woman are being treated, combined with the seemingly universality of the voices going along with it, is begining to affect my mental health?
I dont know if its triggering things from my past or if its just the insanity of this moment but I am wondering how other people are copping with all this?

I probably have not worded this that well and would really appriciate others imput.

Honestly it’s normal to feel like this. In a world where the government has said effectively that it can’t make misogyny a hate crime because there’s just too much of it, where women are discriminated against every day because of their sex, the fact that so many ppl are clapping along with the idea that men can become women because feelings is almost unbelievable- and yet Hete we are

I find that sometimes you just have to step away Abd that’s ok! There are many many of us and we will keep on fighting. Step back when you feel able

I think I know how you feel.

There are no big demons in my past, but it feels like gaslighting for all the hundreds (thousands?) of little things over the years to he waved away as unimportant... Like those things weren't because of my sex, but because of some kind of nebulous gender identity.

How many times I've lied to men on public transport about my name, where I'm going and who I'm meeting.
How many times I've had a man 'accidentally' brush against my boobs or bum in a busy environment.
I'm supposed to believe that I'm just paranoid... Those men weren't really following me along the street, even though I changed direction more than once and they still followed.
The list goes on and on and on, and I know that pretty much every woman when she stops and thinks about it has a list too.

The problem is that the church of gender identity forces us to think about these little things that we've brushed off over the years too.
We are forced to confront the unfairness of all the small things in an attempt to defend against the big things, and are chastised for doing so. We're 'weaponising our trauma' while in the same breath not supposed to have any trauma at all... He was just being friendly, it was an accident, it was a coincidence.

It is unfair. It does affect mental health.

Yes. We had a thread like this a couple of years ago that ended up being derailed and removed.

I'm in my mid 40s and I've never experienced a worse time to be a woman or girl. Now women much older than me may disagree with that because women of my mother and grandmother's generation undoubtedly had far less freedoms and rights.

Nevertheless for someone who came of age in the 90s with the sense that big equality battles had been won it's shock to realise these things are not linear and they can and do go backwards.

It makes me feel like the first half of my life was just a bit of an illusion and it's really hard to stay positive in this current dystopian headfuck era.

I understand that it must be very overwhelming at the moment and take a big toll mentally but I think that things are better than they were and will continue to get better. There are some positives that you can look at (they will reform the police culture). It’s just because it is very much in the news at the moment that it seems all is lost but it isn’t!

I think that most of these threads get deleted sadly. Any time anyone starts discussing how it makes them feel or the events causing them to form their opinion, it tends to get deleted.

You are not alone though OP

You're not alone Fariha. As a survivor of coercive control I find the tactics very reminiscent and distressing. The misogyny, both casual and overt, which is shown up by this issue can be overwhelming.

Nevertheless for someone who came of age in the 90s with the sense that big equality battles had been won it's shock to realise these things are not linear and they can and do go backwards.

Completely agree, Ova.

Nevertheless for someone who came of age in the 90s with the sense that big equality battles had been won it's shock to realise these things are not linear and they can and do go backwards.

Yes, this. I really struggle with this.

It is stressful. It’s gaslighting on a global scale and watching powerless as your rights are stripped away in some kind of terrifying mass delusion that has suckered governments, corporations, the media etc.
Having to suppress your feelings online in case you get trolled, or it affects your career, or you’re accused of a hate crime.
The mental disconnect of people like Owen Jones or fucking Lammy talking about the need to protect women while calling us transphobes and dinosaurs for trying to protect single spaces. The cognitive dissonance is breathtaking and disorienting, and sometimes I feel like I’m having a low key panic attack.

But we aren’t powerless and we are fighting back and have voices and the message is starting to cut through.

I find the best way to cope is by taking small actions - donating to and supporting organisations and individuals, raising issues with your MP, signing petitions, offering to volunteer, sharing/retweeting posts and stories, buying GC books, even small things like buying Robert Webb’s book (How Not To Be A Boy) or voting for him on Strictly (which I have never done before lol!). Supporting the people who have been cancelled trying to support/protect women and girls.

There is a huge support network of women out there and a huge network of women fighting effectively for our rights and connecting with them really helps.

You're not alone Fariha.
Once you see it you can’t unsee it.
It helps to play the long game.
Look after yourself, take breaks from this, do things that make you happy and don’t feel obliged to fight women’s corner individually if it feels too much. There are lots of other women feeling the exact same as you and this idealogical supertanker (our old friend misogyny in shiny new clothes) won’t be turned around overnight, whatever we can or can’t do individually. Take care.

But agree. It’s impossible currently not to end up continually thinking about or reliving your experience as a girl/woman, times you’ve been followed home, assaulted, abused, endured violence or harassment, whether that’s within the context of the threat that men pose to women and the vital importance of female spaces, or just the complete steamrollering of the female experience and what it means to be a woman. The obvious, blatant fucking trollery of violent rapists and murderers who are men until they put on some joke shop wig and change their name to Karen so they can access female prisons. No wonder we’re all feeling fucking triggered.

Anyway, I will return to my small efforts with making donations etc now and try to get that awfulness out of my head for a while.

@MildredsMoustache

Nevertheless for someone who came of age in the 90s with the sense that big equality battles had been won it's shock to realise these things are not linear and they can and do go backwards.

Yes, this. I really struggle with this.

Yeah. I second this (as somebody who came out of age in the 80s).

I'm angry, and slowly chanelling my anger into action. Small things, chipping in on fundraisers when I can, scouting for volunteering opportunities, stuff like that.

For me, that's how I deal with it.

Also, know that you're NOT alone.

You have put it perfectly and I completely relate.

Sometimes I find it helpful to step away for a while and focus only on trivial or pleasantly domestic things for a while ('self-care' in modern parlance!) Don't feel guilty about it - we all need to recharge. Sometimes u find it helpful to defiantly donate to a crowd-funder or relevant charity everyone I feel like I'm going to explore with the injustice of it all.

You're definitely not alone, and it is a really deep injustice, made worse by the fact that society's attitude is basically misogyny-is-definitely-a-thing-in-the-West-and-really-bad-but-oh-not-that-bad-stop-making-a-fuss-you're-being-horrible-to-men-and-misogyny-isn't-really-a-thing-anymore-in-the-West.

Oh for an edit button.

It is quite depressing reading this so I just want to try and provide some reassurance that I don’t think everything is lost or is going backwards! It may seem all doom and gloom right now but I really believe as a result of all the coverage at the moment things will change for the better. Keep your heads up ladies!

Yes. It's a small thing next to the very real visceral fear in the wake of Sarah Everard, but I'm getting so upset by things.

One of my favourite podcasts (American, gay male hosts) devoted a section of an episode recently to 'of course, because a woman can have a penis and gender doesn't matter at all these days' and it just feels like a punch in the stomach.

It stuck me all of this has come from the States and their have-it-all culture and I just feel so resentful. What they're saying is equivocally not true and has real life implications beyond their fantasy land, but they believe it wholeheartedly and it is just becoming more and more ingrained in the culture. Why?

It was the realisation that my local council considered 'women don't have penises' stickers as abominable hate speech that send me over the mountain and it seems common sense is just not prevailing.

I have long thought that we're going backwards in terms of women's rights. The pornification of society is hugely depressing.
Dominic Raab saying that misogyny against men is wrong too is just mind-boggling. The man's a lawyer?
Sometimes (most of the time) it feels that there's no hope.

Also, coming to the realisation you're politically homeless is hard too. That is affecting me.

But as others have said it is good to be able to help with crowdfunders and the like. People like Maya and JKR are always a shining light of sense and compassion in the face of such mindless smears and abuse.

I sometimes think we need a collective "red tent", a female-only space where we can rest from the relentless barrage of misogyny.

There are only two options here. Give in and let women’s rights go back to the dark ages.
Or fight.
I know which I prefer!
I may add, I’m a sixty something radfem, who goes back before the Equal pay act, before legal abortion, and I think the current war on women is more shocking than anything I lived through - because it is being conducted by terrifyingly blinkered woke idiots who are convinced of their moral superiority and are trying to block any discussion. It is like the days of the Maoist cultural revolution or the McCarthy witch hunts. Old time sexists were a doddle by comparison, and were willing to engage in debate and change misogynistic laws.

I have this deep anxiety at the moment that even the Conservatives will come down in favour of self ID. Then, even if I spoilt my ballot, it would be impossible for anyone to be elected that wasn't in favour of destroying women's rights....
I feel despair that our concerns aren't being taken seriously, even as politicians rail against violence against women and girls....
So no, OP, you're definitely not alone...

I came to adulthood in the 80s as well and had children in the late nineties and early two thousands. I feel horrified that my children are coming of age at a time when things are so awful. If I could go back, I might think twice about bringing them into the world, but I didn’t have any idea things would start going so far in the wrong direction, not just with women’s rights, but other things too, like job security.

You are definitely not alone Fariha31. Sometimes I have to step right back. Other times I feel stronger and can fight more.

I think there are lots of us though. You can see it in the pushback on Twitter and in the speed with which almost every related fundraiser goes up.

Thanks for all the replys, it helps to know there are so many women aware of what is happening despite the deadening silence from the bodies you would exspect to be guarding against and highlighting injustice.
I think what really triggers me is the fact that people in power refuse to recognise what we are saying even though it is entirely sensible and reasonable. It really reminds me of being a kid for some reason. Being dismissed and ridculed is such a common experiance for women.
It really does feel like we are in some kind of dystopian nightmare. As a non white woman who grew up in the 80s, there was always injustice (though things have changed for the better in some areas, imo out and out racism ended in this country in the early 90s) but there was never anything as insaine as what is going on now.
And it seems like people I would have exspected to never go along with this madness are going along with it, it just beggers belief!

I find it very upsetting. Knowing how little people value women. How our power in society is dependant on men allowing us to have it. I've distanced myself from a few people now I know their true view of women. I found having to leave the Libs Dems hard. Although cheered up a lot yesterday when a friend said out of nowhere she thought pansexual was bollox and they were just bisexual. I think we all need to drop hints everywhere as to how we feel and that emboldens others to speak their minds. My feeling is that the vast majority are GC too.