I did it. I stepped up!

[RhubarbCrumbled]

I'm in a development day meeting online and someone suggested we should all share our pronouns. I declined and THEY ASKED ME WHY! I asked why I should and was sent a link (sorry, I didn't copy it in time) and advised I read up about it.
I said I didn't share in the belief that required pronouns to be shared in the same way as I wouldn't insist on people sharing their religion. As a woman I felt excluded. And others who had already put up their pronouns removed them. The pressure to do it was removed. Im hoping this means people will think through what they're being asked to do in future!

It's a very shallow post, but usually I wouldn't stand up like this.

With my children, on the other hand, asking for a gender list and identifying keenly as a panromantic demiboi was quite enough to get them off the subject

Well done!! That's not a little thing, it's huge!

OP well done

Brilliant and well done. I was shocked to discover how many are not at all educated on this. I was asked to put pronouns in a low level presentation and another manager complained one of their agents didn’t want to and I said well you can’t ask her why and her reasons are probably … XYZ. He said but loads of people do it just to make the trans people comfortable and I said well what if it makes people extremely uncomfortable to use pronouns.
I also said stonewall have been taken to court for trying to make people do things like this and have lost as they try to say what is legal and isn’t and aren’t always correct. I said as an organisation Stonewall were terrible and people just don’t get it. They think adding she/her is a nicety that harms no one. Makes me rage

Well done Rhubarb, this stuff really does make a difference.

I have 2 jobs and in one job we were told to add pronouns to email signatures, I said I would prefer not to for personal reasons - I wasn't asked to elaborate and that was that (in the end some people have done it and others haven't). In my other job I haven't been asked to add pronouns, but do have non-binary colleagues there (fine, everyone just gets on with it) and we are all having Gender Awareness Training later in the year. I imagine we'll be asked for pronouns at some stage during the training (we all know each other though so it would only be for the trainer's benefit, surely), and the fact that gender is the focus of the day and NB colleagues will be present will make it harder for me to say no. I just want to get through the day, have my awareness raised, and crack on with my actual job, while continuing to be respectful of everyone's personal beliefs with no drama (imagine!) If pushed I think I would have to give the fact that it's very personal info to be asked to share at work as a reason not to habitually share my pronouns. What a faff though.

(I'm so paranoid about all this I NC'd to post here)

@Tidyspy

Well done Rhubarb, this stuff really does make a difference.

I have 2 jobs and in one job we were told to add pronouns to email signatures, I said I would prefer not to for personal reasons - I wasn't asked to elaborate and that was that (in the end some people have done it and others haven't). In my other job I haven't been asked to add pronouns, but do have non-binary colleagues there (fine, everyone just gets on with it) and we are all having Gender Awareness Training later in the year. I imagine we'll be asked for pronouns at some stage during the training (we all know each other though so it would only be for the trainer's benefit, surely), and the fact that gender is the focus of the day and NB colleagues will be present will make it harder for me to say no. I just want to get through the day, have my awareness raised, and crack on with my actual job, while continuing to be respectful of everyone's personal beliefs with no drama (imagine!) If pushed I think I would have to give the fact that it's very personal info to be asked to share at work as a reason not to habitually share my pronouns. What a faff though.

(I'm so paranoid about all this I NC'd to post here)

Why not just say ' My pronouns reflect my sex'. ?

for those asking for an answer.
I saw on another thread the quote from the equality law? Or wa it a declaration of LBG rights?
Anyway, it was the one about forcing people to be outed whent hey didn't want to be.
The asking of pronouns may make it easier for some, but it will force some people to be outed that are not ready.

I think this is a good one to use, as it throws the issue right back to the questioner

Well done Rhubarb, I think that illustrates beautifully how it can be done. 👏👏

@RhubarbCrumbled well done you on showing the rest of us how it can be done politely and nicely.

@deadleaves because I'm pretty sure that would be seen as confrontational tbh. I feel like I need to tread more carefully but have no intention of just going along with it.

Well done!! It shows that one person talking up empowers all the others who are uncomfortable with this nonsense to speak up/act/refuse to comply etc.

@MistandMud Panromantic demiboi

Well done! This is a big thing and you did it!

Well done, Rhubarb -- you didn't crumble, unlike most people up till now!

I'm delighted that many of your colleagues are now reasserting themselves. It shows it only takes one person to speak up and others will take courage on realising they're not alone.

yogyakartaprinciples.org/principles-en/

"Ensure the right of all persons ordinarily to choose when, to whom and how to disclose information pertaining to their sexual orientation or gender identity, and protect all persons from arbitrary or unwanted disclosure, or threat of disclosure of such information by others."

Asking for pronouns breaches the Yogyakarta Principle 6 as you are demanding people " out" themselves.

I am not employed.

But if I was, and this request was made of me... I would request further information:

I would ask if my contributions to the meeting would be taken more seriously if my pronouns were he/him. I would ask if they would allow me to speak over other colleagues, take credit for work I hadn't done, if my request for a raise would be more likely to be successful etc.

If I could not gain male privilege by changing my pronouns, I would refuse to have female ones plastered up front as a reminder to people of my my lower status in society and as a stereotype threat trigger to me.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

Well done, Rhubarb -- you didn't crumble, unlike most people up till now!

I'm delighted that many of your colleagues are now reasserting themselves. It shows it only takes one person to speak up and others will take courage on realising they're not alone.

OP should name change to This Rhubarb’s Not For Crumbling 😆

If we stay silent and unheard we remain the monstrous bogie men the gender ideologists want to portray us as. And everyone thinks everyone else must be on board with the gender stuff.

Absolutely!

It'll be men who will be benefiting of all these reminders of she or he. Whenever sex is made salient by reminders like these, people will live up to sex stereotypes, even if they are aware of them and try not to, because of stereotype threat.

It is not harmless!

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

Well done, Rhubarb -- you didn't crumble, unlike most people up till now!

I'm delighted that many of your colleagues are now reasserting themselves. It shows it only takes one person to speak up and others will take courage on realising they're not alone.

Definitely thinking about the name change! I'm so glad that this is helping others either to stand firm against the pressure, find ways of saying no or prepare for when we will (inevitably) be asked.

And it is really hard. I was shaking and a bit sweaty and so glad I could hide behind my keyboard, but now I've stood up once I'll absolutely do it again and again.

I just say I give as little personal information out at work as I can, and them asking me to do just that makes me uncomfortable so maybe they shouldn't. Which is true.
As an academic, back in the day, I used to refer to myself as Dr X DeclineandFall so if someone hadn't met me they would just assume I was a man to try and avoid the rampant misogyny.