Quillette
'Replacing One Kind of ‘Conversion Therapy’ With Another'
written by James Esses
Published on March 11, 2021
(extract)
One ironic outcome of such legislation would be that it would serve to inflict more conversion-based pseudoscience on gay boys and girls—as gender dysphoria sometimes is exhibited by children trying to reconcile their identities with straight expectations and stereotypes (e.g., a gay boy might prefer to imagine that he is actually a straight girl). Indeed, past research suggests that most boys who demonstrate gender non-conformity in childhood will eventually end up coming out as gay or bisexual.
When I work with clients who have identity issues, I try to explore themes of control and acceptance. Often, only when you accept yourself as who you are, does real change actually take place. I help children ask why and where their unhappiness with themselves comes from. Sometimes, it is not clear, though often we can pinpoint various contributory causes or factors—ranging from past traumas and harassment, to fears about sexuality, to attachment issues with parents. I also encourage children to feel free to express themselves in ways that are atypical, as compared to traditional sexist stereotypes. There’s nothing wrong with being an effeminate boy or a tomboyish girl.
I am certainly not attempting to “cure” their gender identity, even if that is how legislators might seek to criminalize my work. In many cases, I observe a shift from the start of our conversation, at which point medication and surgery had felt like the only option. After the fact, young people I have spoken with have told me that what they appreciated was that I did not simply affirm them robotically, but asked them to reflect on a decision that would change their lives forever. In cases where these children hated who they were, my goal was to get them to stop the hate, rather than to remake their bodies. This isn’t conversion therapy: It’s conversion therapy’s antithesis." (continues)
quillette.com/2021/03/11/replacing-one-kind-of-conversion-therapy-with-another/