Advice: schools socially transitioning children without parental knowledge or consent.

[Libby55]

Hi,

The school I work in is socially transitioning children by changing their names and pronouns without informing parents. Adults working in school are supposed to keep this a secret when communicating with parents. I believe this is a safeguarding issue and that the school is harming children. This is something I know little about and I'm asking for help because I'm looking for an organisation that specifically campaigns against schools harming children in this way. My colleagues share my concerns but are afraid to raise their concerns. My union seems to have adopted gender identity politics. I have to do something: I can see children being harmed. If any of you know of a teacher's group that is lobbying against the practice of socially transitioning children without parents' knowledge or consent, please let me know. I would like to get involved.

@rogdmum

*They're not telling them to keep it a secret though?! I'm seeing it as you get asked at school what name you go by, and they then proceed to call you it. It's not like they're going 'dunt tell your mum and dad we call you that!' '' they just would surely, they don't send a letter home or ring them up to say this is what we're calling your child*

My son was told to not tell us that his sister was not a boy at school because she didn’t want us to know but agreed that he should be told in case she needed “support” at school. He did tell us. Definite attempt at secret keeping there.

The school pretended they backed down after we explained that a child psychologist who had assessed her the previous year when she identified as non binary recommended we not affirm. They eventually referred us to social services for not affirming her as a boy which had near catastrophic consequences to her mental health and more professional assessments. Social services agreed with the advice of the MH experts to not affirm her and said the school were causing division.

Keeping secrets from parents about gender distress can absolutely be a safeguarding risk and teachers who just see a snapshot of a child are not in a position to make that call.

And it’s still unlawful. 😉

So the teachers tried to coerce your son who was at the same school to keep it a secret too! That is seriously fucked up. Thank goodness your son knew it was a red flag and reported to you about your daughter.

@RedHoodGirl

I find it hard to understand how changing name or pronouns at school is a safeguarding issue? Why should there be any need to tell parents that?

I’m sure a teacher wouldn’t tell parents their child was gay, if they had been told in confidence? We understand there is no risk to the young person being gay. Similarly, there’s no risk in being called by a different name or pronoun.

Are you saying children are changing names and pronouns on a whim? And that this is trivial and so nothing the parents need to know?

If that's the case, then surely it's fine for schools to not indulge the random whims of the children in its charge, yes? There are a great many whims children would love to indulge in, at school or elsewhere, it simply isn't possible to accommodate them.

I mean you can't have it both ways. Either a child, who identifies as something other than their sex, is what they say they are, no exception. And everyone has to use the requested pronouns and names, or this is all too irrelevant to bother the parents with, in which case schools should not bother with it either.

We hear so often 'suicide!' and yet when a child is supposed to be at huge risk of suicide they keep this secret from their parents? During term time a child spends only 20% of their time in school and none at all in the holidays so surely if the risk is so high then it is vital to tell parents so they can be alert for this and seek mental health support? Or do they not believe the fake suicide statistics? And if not they what possible excuse can they have for allowing social transition in school behind the parents backs?

Great point.

“Trans kids are suicidal! But we don’t want anyone to keep an eye on them when they’re not with us!”

I mean you can't have it both ways

This could be a title of this forum, or a future thesis on all this, given the perpetual illogicality.

I'm astounded at the responses overnight to this.

Some people's unawareness of how safeguarding works and the implications of what's been happening at the school is shocking.

@NotBadConsidering

Always good to know which posters flag themselves up as having no interest in protecting children, safeguarding, and keeping gender non-conforming children in a secret little internet/teacher bubble away from those who know and love them best. I’ve always suspected it’s about your own commitment to your ideals rather than genuine concern for kids, and this thread removed all doubt.

My thoughts exactly.

And the same for Tibtom’s post - spot on.

You can’t have it both ways.

FemaleandLearning Yes, exactly, but the school still see nothing wrong with it. What I find just as incredible is that they have refused to discuss Social Service’s conclusions with us. They appear to be pretending they never made a referral. It’s utterly surreal.

Along the lines of Tibtom’s post, parents have responsibility for the safeguarding of their children, and if teachers keep secrets, they are removing that ability- e.g. Mermaids are adamant schools should not tell parents about social transition at school unless the child agrees which leads to situations like this in the attached screenshots. They say parents should not be told unless there is a safeguarding concern but because schools just accept what the child is saying at face value, they have no idea if there is a safeguarding concern or not.

Please ask all safeguarding leads to read Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shriver.

Rogdmum that exchange is jaw dropping. All teachers are taught that our duty of care to children involves making it very clear to them that we can't ever promise confidentiality. If we don't get this into our job interviews we won't get the job. This respondent has no idea how safeguarding works, but because its a trans issue, safeguarding professionals, who would know better in any other context, follow what Mermaids says.

I think all teachers who are uncomfortable with the secrecy being encouraged by SOME safeguarding leads should contact their union.

We should also read Trans by Helen Joyce.

And Material Girls by Kathleen Stock MBE.

@PamDenick

I think all teachers who are uncomfortable with the secrecy being encouraged by SOME safeguarding leads should contact their union.

I agree, however is it not the case that unions are captured as well?

If this is the case, and unions to not support, where would the next port of call be? (I’m not a teacher).

If the unions lose members in their swathes, then they might question their policy.

Unions are thoroughly captured. I would recommend any NEU members contact Kiri Tunks, who is a founder of Women's Place and also senior in the NEU. A good sign is she hasn't been ejected for wrong think. I get the impression that behind the scenes the leadership of the NEU gets it, but they are too chicken shit to say so.

Interesting.

God what a worrying situation op. And that mermaids exchange is so depressing.

Local authority designated officer. Most schools display the appropriate safeguarding routes in staff only areas- staff rooms and toilets.

Bloody hell, that Mermaids exchange, so children may be unable to express why the feel like they do as they do not have the language, but they supposedly can consent to life long treatment.

@ValancyRedfern

Unions are thoroughly captured. I would recommend any NEU members contact Kiri Tunks, who is a founder of Women's Place and also senior in the NEU. A good sign is she hasn't been ejected for wrong think. I get the impression that behind the scenes the leadership of the NEU gets it, but they are too chicken shit to say so.

Good intel/info, thanks Valency.

I felt dreadful at that age. Unliked, out of step with my peers, unhappy... by today’s standards I’d be John Toffee by now then?

And Libby55, please reassure your colleagues that they need to step up. They can't be sacked for being gender critical after the Maya Forstater case.

@ValancyRedfern

Unions are thoroughly captured. I would recommend any NEU members contact Kiri Tunks, who is a founder of Women's Place and also senior in the NEU. A good sign is she hasn't been ejected for wrong think. I get the impression that behind the scenes the leadership of the NEU gets it, but they are too chicken shit to say so.

Thank you for this! I don't want to leave the NEU - I want to campaign for the safeguarding of children from within the union. I will look up Kiri Tunks and Women's Place.

Here's a link to a Facebook post from ssa with lots of useful advice: www.facebook.com/2235615356752705/posts/2900959046884996/