Advice: schools socially transitioning children without parental knowledge or consent.

[Libby55]

Hi,

The school I work in is socially transitioning children by changing their names and pronouns without informing parents. Adults working in school are supposed to keep this a secret when communicating with parents. I believe this is a safeguarding issue and that the school is harming children. This is something I know little about and I'm asking for help because I'm looking for an organisation that specifically campaigns against schools harming children in this way. My colleagues share my concerns but are afraid to raise their concerns. My union seems to have adopted gender identity politics. I have to do something: I can see children being harmed. If any of you know of a teacher's group that is lobbying against the practice of socially transitioning children without parents' knowledge or consent, please let me know. I would like to get involved.

[Datun]

@PumpkinSpiceWoman

Again, not a safeguarding matter. Nor a political one.

Yes it is. Please don't spread misinformation. Training a child that an adult and that child can have a secret is a direct breach of safeguarding and very dangerous.

If a child's parents are a danger to them, they will still be included in the situation, as other agencies become involved.

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

It’s one of the first things you chew here your kids! If an adult ever tells you to keep a secret - squeal to your mum ASAP!

[Datun]

@toffeebutterpopcorn

It’s one of the first things you chew here your kids! If an adult ever tells you to keep a secret - squeal to your mum ASAP!

Absolutely. And if, as in the OP, it's a school doing it, and are doing it to more than one child, find out where the hell they are getting their advice.

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

Chew here! Oh my predictive is crazy! You get the gist.

[Verbena87]

In my school we can only alter pronouns/names with parental support, and it’s the safeguarding team who liaise with parents (and sometimes I think mediate between parents and child) around this. I’m not especially anti-transition but I still think it’s inappropriate and unethical for schools to go ahead with social transition without involving parents/guardians and the child.

[Quaggars]

@toffeebutterpopcorn

It’s one of the first things you chew here your kids! If an adult ever tells you to keep a secret - squeal to your mum ASAP!

They're not telling them to keep it a secret though?!
I'm seeing it as you get asked at school what name you go by, and they then proceed to call you it.
It's not like they're going 'dunt tell your mum and dad we call you that!' '' they just would surely, they don't send a letter home or ring them up to say this is what we're calling your child

[Jellycatspyjamas]

And yes, outing a child to their parents in the circumstances described is, indeed a safeguarding issue,
But the way schools are working suggests outing any child to any parent is a safeguarding issue, which isn’t the case. If there’s reason to think the child would be in danger if their parents knew they were transitioning there should be a full multi-disciplinary risk assessment undertaken and safeguards put in place. I’d want to see evidence to suggest the child would be at risk - given how high thresholds are before statutory services take action in terms of safeguarding, there needs to be strong evidence to merit undermining parental rights here.

As it stands, education staff with no medical or psychological training are supporting children in life changing decisions without the usual multi-disciplinary support in place. Transitioning is more than just changing your name and pronouns, there really needs to be good psychological support in place - the school isn’t in a position to put that in place. I’d be livid to find my child was referred to a psychologist without my knowledge - it’s a massive over reach on the part of the school.

[Quaggars]

They just would meaning just would call you by your chosen name for clarity (even if nothing to do with being trans)

[LadyBonnibel]

Having had an abortion or being gay are also very different in that there is no element of encouraging a child to think something is possible that is not – that they can change sex. They can't, and it's encouraging them down a road that has a significant chance of leading to regret, pain and suffering.

[HipTightOnions]

They're not telling them to keep it a secret though?!
I'm seeing it as you get asked at school what name you go by, and they then proceed to call you it.

Disingenuous.

Jennifer now wants to be called Jen is one thing.

Jennifer now wants to be called Josh has entirely different connotations, does it not?

[Jellycatspyjamas]

they don't send a letter home or ring them up to say this is what we're calling your child

And change their name on school records, or in communications with parents, school reports, academic records - either they record the child’s choice of name, or keep official records in the child’s original name thereby lying to parents about the child’s known by name in school.

[toffeebutterpopcorn]

They are saying to keep a secret. For goodness sake

[Datun]

@Jellycatspyjamas

And yes, outing a child to their parents in the circumstances described is, indeed a safeguarding issue,
But the way schools are working suggests outing any child to any parent is a safeguarding issue, which isn’t the case. If there’s reason to think the child would be in danger if their parents knew they were transitioning there should be a full multi-disciplinary risk assessment undertaken and safeguards put in place. I’d want to see evidence to suggest the child would be at risk - given how high thresholds are before statutory services take action in terms of safeguarding, there needs to be strong evidence to merit undermining parental rights here.

As it stands, education staff with no medical or psychological training are supporting children in life changing decisions without the usual multi-disciplinary support in place. Transitioning is more than just changing your name and pronouns, there really needs to be good psychological support in place - the school isn’t in a position to put that in place. I’d be livid to find my child was referred to a psychologist without my knowledge - it’s a massive over reach on the part of the school.

This. My safeguarding training is fairly minimal, but reading what people are saying on here is just wrong.

You don't keep secrets from parents. And If parents are a threat, that gets dealt with. You still don't keep secrets.

Who on earth thinks that is acceptable? Adults, and in this case those in a position of responsibility, teachers, ffs, agreeing to keep secrets with their pupils.

[Datun]

The biggest indicator of medical transition, is social transition. And if teachers and schools are taking it upon themselves to do that and keep it from parents, then they'd better have deep pockets and good lawyers.

[sharksarecool]

@EyeEdinburgh

Dear Libby:

The reason your school, and your teachers' union, and the majority of the staff, have safeguarding guidelines that say "Don't out a LGBT student to their parents unless you have the student's explicit permission to discuss this with the student's parents" is the same reason doctors aren't allowed to discuss a child having an abortion with the child's parents.

If the child has made the decision that it is not safe to discuss these issues with the parents, the child has made an informed decision based on much more information about their parents' characteristics than the teachers (or a doctor) can have.

Allowing a child the freedom to say what pronouns the child uses, and what name the child wants to be called by, is a harmless freedom: there is no reason at all for the parents to be told the child has picked the name Dennis when the parents always call their child Claudia, any more than there would be if the child says "Call me Denny" and the parents have always called the child Dennis. The parents might want to know that their child no longer uses "Dennis", but they don't need to know.

Especially as there is always a risk - a real risk, even if a small one - that the parents will turn out to be bigoted against trans people, will react badly to discovering that their child is considering if they may be transgender or nonbinary. There is no reason to put any child at risk when it's completely unnecessary. As your trade union, and your school's safeguarding policies, and most of the other staff, have already let you know.

When you say there is a risk that parents will be bigoted against trans people, are you suggesting that there's a risk that parents will directly abuse or harm their children as a result of discovering that they have begun to transition at school? Or are you simply concerned that the parents might not agree that their child is trans and will seek to halt or delay their transition. Because if it's the latter, that is NOT a safeguarding issue by any definition.

As both a parent and a teacher, I find the arrogance of these schools and individuals to be spectacularly awful. I care deeply about my students, but I don't love them. By contrast, I do love my own children. Why do some teachers think they are better placed than parents to know what's best for a child? WTF is wrong with people?

[rogdmum]

They're not telling them to keep it a secret though?!
I'm seeing it as you get asked at school what name you go by, and they then proceed to call you it.
It's not like they're going 'dunt tell your mum and dad we call you that!' '' they just would surely, they don't send a letter home or ring them up to say this is what we're calling your child

My son was told to not tell us that his sister was not a boy at school because she didn’t want us to know but agreed that he should be told in case she needed “support” at school. He did tell us. Definite attempt at secret keeping there.

The school pretended they backed down after we explained that a child psychologist who had assessed her the previous year when she identified as non binary recommended we not affirm. They eventually referred us to social services for not affirming her as a boy which had near catastrophic consequences to her mental health and more professional assessments. Social services agreed with the advice of the MH experts to not affirm her and said the school were causing division.

Keeping secrets from parents about gender distress can absolutely be a safeguarding risk and teachers who just see a snapshot of a child are not in a position to make that call.

And it’s still unlawful. 😉

[Thelnebriati]

So to recap;
-The school is breaking the law by assuming parental responsibility.
-The school is breaching safeguarding by keeping a secret from parents.
-OP and her colleagues feel threatened and too scared to actually do anything about it even though they are mandatory reporters.

[RedHoodGirl]

I find it hard to understand how changing name or pronouns at school is a safeguarding issue? Why should there be any need to tell parents that?

I’m sure a teacher wouldn’t tell parents their child was gay, if they had been told in confidence? We understand there is no risk to the young person being gay. Similarly, there’s no risk in being called by a different name or pronoun.

[HipTightOnions]

Similarly, there’s no risk in being called by a different name or pronoun.

RTFT.

[Notthissticky]

@toffeebutterpopcorn

Safeguarding 101 - an adult and you have ‘a secret’...

I was coming on to say that the first thing you learn in safeguarding training is that secrets are a big no no. Can you speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead? You could consider whistleblowing but make sure you know your workplace policy on whistleblowing and be aware that whistleblowers often end up losing their job and more, even if they were in the right.

[sharksarecool]

@RedHoodGirl

I find it hard to understand how changing name or pronouns at school is a safeguarding issue? Why should there be any need to tell parents that?

I’m sure a teacher wouldn’t tell parents their child was gay, if they had been told in confidence? We understand there is no risk to the young person being gay. Similarly, there’s no risk in being called by a different name or pronoun.

The difference is that:

1. affirming social transition is more likely to lead to a child seeking physical transition. Physical transition involves irreversible experimental drugs and invasive surgeries, both of which are harmful to the child
2. It's reasonably likely that the child does not have genuine long term gender dysphoria, but might instead have some other struggles or issues which are not being explored. There are large numbers of detransitioned young women who look back on the affirmation they received as teens and recognise it as harmful.

[AfternoonToffee]

What I find incredibly frustrating as a mere by-stander is that posters are speaking from experience, saying what is happening and the consequences of that and they are simply waved away with either it isn't happening or if they agree it is that it isn't that important and doesn't matter.

It is absolutely bloody ridiculous that not only is this seen as a non issue it is actively encouraged.

[MaudTheInvincible]

Interesting to see people so keen to deny that the massive red flag waving safeguarding risk isn't a safeguarding risk at all.

Also interesting to compare those who claim social transition is completely harmless with the testimonies of detransitioners.

[Thelnebriati]

I find it hard to understand how changing name or pronouns at school is a safeguarding issue? Why should there be any need to tell parents that?

Did you miss the bit where the teachers have been too scared to tell the parents? Keeping secrets, especially from parents, is a safeguarding issue.
Teachers are mandatory reporters. If they think children are at risk from parents, they should report that.

[Libby55]

@sharksarecool

I find the arrogance of these schools and individuals to be spectacularly awful. I care deeply about my students, but I don't love them. By contrast, I do love my own children. Why do some teachers think they are better placed than parents to know what's best for a child?

I'm afraid that describes the arrogance of my school's safeguard lead.

Also, I assumed people knew this but maybe it needs pointing out because I'm seeing references to 'child'. This is not about about one child. This is about droves of children, usually girls belonging to the same friendship group, together deciding that they're all trans. Those of us who have been in teaching for a while know that this was unheard of a few years ago.