Mermaids Training...

[OttilieStonelady]

Firstly, apologies for my username I've literally just joined and I have no option to change it (android!). So, AIBU to refuse to go to this training? I'm feeling utterly exhausted by everything. I feel completely silenced at work and scared to speak out about my views for fear of being accused of transphobia etc. I was shut down by a friend re the Laurel Hubbard case, trans women are women apparently. I'm scared that if I refuse to go on this training, I'll be accused of something that just isn't true. I just find mermaids problematic and don't think they have any place in giving training for me and my colleagues. Please help me Mumsnet! I'm educating myself slowly and feel like I'm swimming against the tide sometimes.

@OttilieStonelady I have nothing to add but you have my empathy. It's shit and it's horrible that you can't talk about it in real life.

Ask them about their GI Joe and Barbie gender scale, and why males and females in Britain in 2021 are being asked to define their 'gender identity' according to white American dolls designed in the 1950s. You could point out the white American cultural imperialism at play and how inappropriate it is to expect women to pledge allegiance to patriarchally defined stereotypes.

@Helmetbymidnight

I'm not sure why you've just joined specifically to post this thread really.

Ignore the thread police, OP.

Massive sympathies - and agree with others, ask about other diversity initiatives -
If there really is no other way of getting out of this, I'd call in sick on the day.

Why not? We all joined at some time or another.

Ask them where GI Jane features on their scale.

Ottilie -if you aren't angry then you aren't paying attention!

Yes this is awful, sounds like you have recently figured it all out. It is horrifying.

I'm mad that our workplaces aren't more disabled friendly. Wfh is now accepted etc. And yet is the focus on that? No on 0.01% of the population. There are at least 10 million disabled adults of working age in the UK. Who is caring and promoting them? Drastically underfunded charities. Who do not have an entire bloody month focused on them.

Dear Ottile,

Firstly, welcome. And don't worry about getting everything perfect. Nobody does. You are new. Take your time. You will get used to things. It's okay.

Secondly, I am sorry to hear how much you are struggling. I know when I started to realise what debates were taking place about women's rights (about a year ago), I was really quite distraught. And very angry about how I felt discussion was being suppressed. What really helped me was finding a small group of like-minded women, here and amongst friends and colleagues. Please reach out to some women you trust and get some support. Don't try and do this alone.

Take care.

I can understand your distress if other aspects of diversity are not treated with the same regard. I would be interested to k ow what they have to say, but I agree that diversity training can be really helpful but it should cover much more than gender identity.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down op, it must be very upsetting to watch people who have obvious privilege peacock how oppressed they are.

On a lighter note you can buy those mermaid tails from finfun.com. if you teach yourself the dolphin stroke they are so much fun. *Disclaimer not for children and take a friend, as they have a tendancy to flip you upside down when you are learning.

Op id Gp and take notes, copies of handouts etc. Report back.

I'm quite furious this thread has been moved.

The odd aibu around sex and gender has gone into aibu and remained, with important debates. Are they all going to get shoved here? Or is it that it's not a real aibu?

I'm also furious on you behalf this seems to be compulsory where other diversity wasn't.

Don’t they focus on children...? Why are they in a workplace anyway (let alone anywhere these days)?

@toffeebutterpopcorn

Don’t they focus on children...? Why are they in a workplace anyway (let alone anywhere these days)?

Here....

mermaidsuk.org.uk/training/

Mostly talking about young people and children though... mission creep I assume (get in everywhere...£££)

you’re not the only to feel angry, you’re not alone.

I am no bigot. I am a black woman and it pains me that the training around inclusivity re ethnic minorities was not compulsory but this appears to be. I just don't really want to go.

I’d start by going to HR and asking them why this recent training was not compulsory when the Mermaid course is.

You then have a starting point for discussion, which isn’t “I don’t want to go to the mermaid course”.

Point out that other courses aren’t compulsory so why is this one. It may make them reconsider their stance.

In some ways I would love to be invited to Mermaids training. Obviously I would need my brain to be at the GI Joe end of the scale that day though, not Barbie, so I understand the answers when I quiz the trainer about things like sterilising children etc.

Also I (my brain is at the Barbie end of the scale this morning! ) vaguely remember something about jelly baby brains in previous training, so I would ask for clarification on that (although I'm sure someone here will be able to recollect that in full!)

@OttilieStonelady I second the suggestion to come over to FWR where you will get far more intelligent conversation and support. I would definitely be recording the session (would you have to ask for permission? It would be interesting to see the response if you bought out a tape recorder and asked for permission...)

Hey Ottile
You're very much not alone. But suddenly finding your very reasonable thoughts are considered bigoted and unkind can be a shock.
I first cottoned on to the ways women are disadvantaged by the more insidious aspects of trans inclusion - loss of female specific language, erosion of single sex spaces, dangers to non conforming children to name a few, a couple of years ago and was deeply shocked. The more I found out, the more upset I became.
My poor family were treated to me telling them about my latest read or discovery on a regular basis! Some of my friends don't agree, but most of the people I have spoken to where this has come up are in broad agreement. There's not hate for trans people but concern about how this is going to affect a much wider tranche of people if demands are met without considering wider implications sufficiently - such as the current discussions around trans athletes in the Olympics and how that has resulted in women not being selected.
There is a talkative feminist community on MN and you'll see a variety of opinions on this matter.
With regard to this training, if you have to go, then go. Listen and take notes. Don't feel obligated to challenge anything during the training if you think it will become combative and uncomfortable. You can always follow it up later in a more calm way..

Yes Ottile please come over to the Feminism board “Sex and Gender”. Start a thread there. You’ll get loads of advise, as many of us have been where you are.

If you’re worried at being called a bigot for pushing back on this, it might be useful to know that quite a lot of trans people aren’t keen on Mermaids because they (claim to) speak for trans people but have few actual trans people on their board or working for them. It’s a group for parents of trans kids and has run into similar representation issues as organisations claiming to speak for autistic people it which are actually run by parents of autistic children.

That might give you a “non-bigot” angle to ask how Mermaids were selected as the best organisation to deliver inclusivity training.

Indeed, Morred. One of the (not trans) members of staff at Mermaids tried to get a transwoman prosecuted for transphobia. The judge threw the case out on the first day.

I don't understand how the organisation survived that.

A lot of work places raise money for mermaids; virgin money raise specifically for the residentials.

Hence "training."

I wouldn’t go. And they get £100 per attendance? That’s ridiculous. It makes me so cross that these organisations can get away with this.

I do think with the increased awareness of these issues (via Hubbard and Olympics, Maya etc) amongst the general public, there may well be more "pushback" at these training sessions

I wish more people were aware of Mermaid's history eg taking Miranda Yardley to court, taking children abroad for surgery on their 16th birthday.

This is exactly why threads like this need to be visible on MN and not moved to an almost OTBT area of MN. Surely this is an employment issue - what would happen if it was posted there?

mirandayardley.com/en/when-a-transsexual-is-prosecuted-for-transgender-hate-crime/