Mermaids Training...

[OttilieStonelady]

Firstly, apologies for my username I've literally just joined and I have no option to change it (android!). So, AIBU to refuse to go to this training? I'm feeling utterly exhausted by everything. I feel completely silenced at work and scared to speak out about my views for fear of being accused of transphobia etc. I was shut down by a friend re the Laurel Hubbard case, trans women are women apparently. I'm scared that if I refuse to go on this training, I'll be accused of something that just isn't true. I just find mermaids problematic and don't think they have any place in giving training for me and my colleagues. Please help me Mumsnet! I'm educating myself slowly and feel like I'm swimming against the tide sometimes.

For those who would interested in "learning" supplied by Mermaids...

This is the organisation that encouraged children to decide their gender identity based on where they feel they are on the "gender spectrum" (attached photo from Mermaids training)

So - the female to male scale has Barbie at one end to GI Joe at the other end. Fucking Barbie.

I don't think it's unreasonable to decline "training" by such an organisation.

I really hope this isn't moved to Sex and Gender - this is an issue for the general public/employees/employers as a whole. This isn't some "niche" interest - it affects every single person.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Because I can't seem to talk to anyone in real life about my opinions without being told I'm transphobic, and I'm exhausted by it.

So you though AIBU on MN was the place to go?

Post in the relevant section, I'm sure you'll get all the pats on the back and advice you're looking for.

Sorry for annoying/offending/confusing you... I think I've done at least one of those things! Didn't realise AIBU was reserved.

@Namechangedlady

I am so disappointed, I thought this thread was going to be about the swim/underwater mermaid tail training you can get.

Same 😂

OP this is yet another one for the sex&gender discussion, YABU to post in AIBU, HTH

So it’s voluntary? If it’s voluntary don’t go. If it’s mandatory unless you have a special exception, I’d go because otherwise I’d know it would Mark me out to be difficult and potentially bigoted.

I manage to go to church services and come out still agnostic. I even manage to associate with gay people and remain straight. You’ll be fine. Irritated no doubt, but fine.

Does anybody know of any organisations that provide more balanced training on gender/identity in children?

It's my first ever post on Mumsnet, I'm sorry for posting in the wrong place.

@Brainygaga

Does anybody know of any organisations that provide more balanced training on gender/identity in children?

Do we really need this though? Most things I see and read all really fall down to personality. I was a real Tom boy as a child, was just left to get on with it. I'm so glad I wasn't a child today and then fed loads of confusing information saying that as I liked trousers and short hair I am not realy a girl.

Time we just stopped genderising everything and just accept people like what they like and if a boy wants to play with dolls it's okay.

If you need to stay away to keep your sanity (and your job) OP, then stay away from it.

I know that if I went along to anything like that, it would end up in a blazing row between me and the trainer, as a mermaids trainer will be wrong, factually, on almost all points.

If you can go, keep your cool, challenge repeatedly and politely, then go.

Good luck

@Namechangedlady I don't disagree with you but we can't just ignore that more and more workplaces are insisting on such training and turning to organisations such as Mermaids which then in turn perpetuates a dangerous narrative to a wider audience. Just wondering if anybody knew of any more ethical balanced organisations....

@OttilieStonelady

It's my first ever post on Mumsnet, I'm sorry for posting in the wrong place.

@OttilieStonelady Don't apologise, not your fault. Some people are just enjoying being mean. There has recently been a rearranging of topics within the Feminism section and a renaming of them too, which has been divisive and unpleasant. Your post has just been caught up in all of that, unbeknown to you!

It seems to already have been moved into the "‘special’ waste paper bin", or 'Feminism: Sex and Gender debate' as it is now rather clunkily named.

Your post sits perfectly well in AIBU because you are asking if you are BU by not attending.

It would also sit well in the other suggested areas as a place to debate the training in broader terms.

Dont apologise.

On one hand I'd go just to find out what on earth it is they're peddling to organisations nowadays. On the other, if they do get money for every attendee they can bugger off!

No need to apologise OP.

@OttilieStonelady

It's my first ever post on Mumsnet, I'm sorry for posting in the wrong place.

Hi Ottilie, you sound like a very brave women and there's no need for you to apologise, this site is confusing and I'm relatively new here too. I can't even figure out how to 'bold'.

You sound like you are pretty stressed about Mermaids. Don't be, don't go if you don't want to and if you do go use it as an opportunity to learn what it is Mermaids is actually 'preaching' . Would be very good exercise for you to report it back on here. You are not alone being in an organisation where it's difficult to speak up, but there are many of us and don't assume you are the only one. Well done you on already understanding why it is you don't want to hear what Mermaids are selling. I wouldn't let them next nor near me, mandated by work or not. But I'm in a very strong position to say no to such things. I'd actually love if Mermaids came to my workplace, because I'd be well prepared for them and the nonsense they peddle.

I don't know how to calm down and feel positive again.

I would go. I would ask lots of questions and also record it. In fact I would love to attend a Mermaids training session.

@Cailin66 if you copy and paste what you want and then put an asterisk at the start and end of it, it should bold it for you.

Op it's shot, especially as mermaids get £100 for every person attending that would defiantly put me off going, but I also think if you attend you can question a lot of the narrative after, referencing some of the various recent court cases, so you don't necessarily have to say they are your view but based on the cases you have seen.

I agree with others who say you didn't post in the wrong section and that there's no need for you to apologise.

You're ok, take some time to collect yourself, this is your first post and you're clearly finding this difficult.

In terms of advice for what to do next, in your shoes I wouldn't attend. You are distressed enough at the prospect of having to endure the session so actually sitting there and listening to the nonsense they are likely to spout, and witness your colleagues (who I'm sure you have respect for) nod along...it's a no from me.

If you feel unable to give an honest reason I would say it's sensitive and you don't want to attend and as it's not compulsory you will not be attending or say you are ill on the day. Some would say the latter is cowardly but being pressed to outwardly state your reason for not going takes a lot of bravery and strength and you have said how tired you are.

I feel for you OP. There may be other times in the future to stand against this but this may not be it. Take care of yourself.

As for having real life people to talk to, please consider joining a ReSisters group. Having real life support makes such a difference.

You will find supportive voices in Feminism Chat and Feminism: Sex and Gender - as a PP says the split of the boards is very recent and you appear to have been caught in the crossfire! Not your fault.

When you are feeling a little calmer, would you feel comfortable emailing HR asking why this training is mandatory and other E&D training is voluntary?

@OttilieStonelady

I don't know how to calm down and feel positive again.

I get you OP, it's particularly difficult for women of colour to see all the endless attention and pandering to that gender wank gets and real issues of oppression and racism often get overlooked. I certainly find that, although I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell me I'm wrong, #bekind and criticise me for having a legally protected opinion. And don't apologise for posting in the 'wrong place'. Other posters don't get to police your actions.

Asking questions is likely to be very stressful for OP and may count against her if her colleagues are as close minded as they appear.

Can you just book annual leave for that day or call in sick? Sounds like the stress is causing you illness so it wouldn't be a lie.

Fuck off with the accusations of bigotry, eh?

If bigotry illustrates a complete lack of receptiveness to a contrary opinion, I'd align this with threats to dox, threaten, kerb-stomp and rape women - and note it is only women - who refuse to align themselves with a particularly pervasive ideology.

As for all the murk surrounding Mermaids over the past year - not least their about-face that no one can be born in the wrong body and their disingenuous statements about puberty-blocking being harmless and reversible, I'm open-mouthed that any organisation could legitimately employ their dubious 'training'.

OP, in your shoes I'd give this one a hard pass. I'd also be telling them exactly why, despite the fact that my employers are up to their nuts in allies and would consider me persona non grata. Really had enough of humouring this shit.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Have they supplied training to cover all staff eventualities? Working with colleagues with disabilities, additional learning needs, or characteristics of other marginalised groups,m

I would definitely be asking them about this and their future plans for training about other issues.

First, OP, ignore the people having a go.

Second, you might find it helpful to have a look at the resources on safeschoolsallianceuk.net/resources-2/factsheets/, especially the one about Dept for Education guidelines on what can & can’t be taught in schools around gender identity. I know this context is a bit different but it might give you some ammunition.

I'm not sure why you've just joined specifically to post this thread really.

Ignore the thread police, OP.

Massive sympathies - and agree with others, ask about other diversity initiatives -
If there really is no other way of getting out of this, I'd call in sick on the day.

@OttilieStonelady

I don't know how to calm down and feel positive again.

I think it would help you enormously to step back a little. Avoid twitter (if you are on there) and just do something you enjoy away from the internet. I think it is difficult when you do't have anyone IRL to speak to and all you get is shut down and when you first look into this issue it can be overwhelming. The enormity of what is happening to women's rights and watching it all happen can be extremely detrimental to mental health. As to the training, I would be intrigued to go personally and I would be asking questions, however, I don't think you are in that place now so perhaps you could go, take notes and sort in your own mind anything you have an issue with (or anything you don't) - you could even talk about it here if it isn't 'outing' to do so.

Once you have taken a breath, try to find some groups of like-minded women online, it can help to be able to talk and to be able to find some humor, however dark. Reading here and the feminist twitter has introduced me to some amazing women and that is a positive side of a very difficult issue.

No need to apologise for the thread, it is fine - some people just love to pick, which is unnecessary particularly when you have said it is your first MN post.

Anyway OttlieStonelady I just want you to know you aren't alone because you do sound very upset (and I have been there too). I want you to know it is ok to take a step back for yourself. If you want to chat do DM me.