Whose a good enough femminist.

[Gumbomambo]

I work as a part time DV councillor. I’m a SAHM most of the time. I also work with a group of women, locally that support abused women. We are able to give them and their children immediate support. We aren’t part of a charity, we have a few ladies in our group that can give immediate care. I’ve read some of the threads over the last few days and I feel like the. “Clever” feminists just don’t want us to be part of the discussion. We are all working class women and do what we can, we have baby drives, and ask our groups for kids clothes, nappies, ladies clothes, pots and pans, bedding etc . I feel like some of these threads recently have lost the plot! We are just women and we work so hard for the women and children in our community to be part of our community and given a start. I think I’m saying that a lot of the posters here would have our backs but some have just made us feel thick and stupid and not able to join the discussion. The Posie Parker thread really shocked and upset me. We just want some help. Some people seem to do feminism on Twitter we just look after the casualties. Rant over.

Sounds like you do fabulous work, Gumbo. Thank you for all that you do.

I don't quite understand what the problem is regarding other threads - you have just as much right to join any discussion as any other poster.

What is it you want doing? What's been said that's upset you?

@ArabellaScott

Sounds like you do fabulous work, Gumbo. Thank you for all that you do.

I don't quite understand what the problem is regarding other threads - you have just as much right to join any discussion as any other poster.

What is it you want doing? What's been said that's upset you?

Yes this ^

I do fuck all gum and when it comes to feminism I’m as thick as a brick

Thank you for everything you do, its very important 💐

Feminism, like any worthy cause, needs people like you at the coal face OP. Thank you for all that you do

Like Arabella says, you’re more than welcome to join in any thread here.

I don’t like to reveal too much about what I do IRL here and I imagine others are in a similar boat. What I’m saying is that I think you can’t always easily tell what “type” of feminist someone is from what they say here.

There are no doubt lots of arm chair activists, but the drip drip of letters sent by people like them and the supportive tweets do have their place too.

I think it was the call to arms from the Posie thread, it wouldn’t affect us. It just upset me that there were arguments against it. All I rad and saw was just putting some money up for broken women. I was so shocked that it turned into a “you can’t do that “thread . It was so upsetting to see some of my lovely posters turning on themselves. I felt so troubled that the message seemed to be lost. We don’t care about the politics or the personalities, we just clean up our friends. We dust them down, we put their feet on the road that they want and we keep the doors open. I just felt like it all had to be put in a different way and it was a “what you know” kind of thing. When there’s a destroyed terrified human being in front of you you just hold them together and help them breathe. So simple. So heartbreaking.

Your work sounds wonderful Gumbo. I haven't read the other threads but don't let anything discourage you from this. That sort of practical support to the women and children who need it most is worth more than almost any theory. Here's to you and your friends

I agree, OP.

Just remember this is Mumsnet, we're renowned for being able to start a fight in an empty room.

Most of the posters here care very deeply about the issues. Sometimes there are disagreements and a bit of a fight, and yes, it's a pity. But I think most people are fighting because they care, if that makes sense. They want things done the best way they can.

And the crowdfunder is doing pretty well, I think.

Any woman who rolls up her sleeves and gets stuck in in the real world has my utmost respect. This is how Women’s Aid got started in the 70s. Ordinary women doing whatever they can for other women.

All strength to you Gumbo!

There were two women in the area I worked in that ran their own DV 'rescue' service. They had a mobile number that one or the other would answer 24/7. They'd go out and get the woman and her children and take them in then help them get refuge support. They had emergency boxes with nappies, milk, toiletries, sanpro, donated clothes and toys to give escaping women who walked out with nothing but the clothes they had on. They'd go to court with them when it got that far.

They were bloody incredible. And they didn't need academic feminist theory to inform their work.

OP please don't underestimate yourself

I think it shines through that women do care about women. I want women to feel safe with women. The bottom line is tonight, thousands of women will go to sleep in terror for their lives and their children’s lives. If you can talk to any teaching assistant in your local school they will tell you where to start. That’s where we started. A prostitute who had her children in danger. Just by us knowing she existed we were able to slowly get her out of her situation. We included school and SS. We were able to get her and her two kids a B and B and that’s how we started.

I avoid certain threads , such as anything with posie in because they do seem to descend into nasty bickering

A practical doing is worth a lot more than words on a forum

Gumbo, the work you’re doing sounds incredible. Thank you so much.

I tried avoiding the posie thread but when someone referred to blm i felt i had to say something!

It’s not really work. It’s just a bunch of “old fashioned” women looking after our own. When you start the amount of women around you just floats it. No one wants to see a young girl with kids getting hurt and vilified. We just asked for £2 a parent and we had enough to get her away for a few nights. Then when people know they give a bit more, we were lucky enough to have a few old fashioned greer advocates with a few quid and some space. There’s loads of women like that.

Thank you for everything you do, Gumbo.
I donate where I can but I'm a bit hamstrung by mega nursery bills (also a feminist issue). I haven't donated to Posie yet but will read the rest of the thread; I prefer charities so they can claim gift aid!

I don't have the patience for long Posie threads myself, gum. As someone who left an abusive relationship, thank you for the work that you and your colleagues are doing. It's so important.

Well op you've already made better sense than anything I posted on the Posie Parker thread, and you do much more important work too. Please keep posting and thanks for everything

Thank you Gumbomambo. It sounds to me like you are doing some really important work.

For the most part on FWR it is women pulling together and doing their parts large or small. I think it is so important to value every contribution. So, thank you. And I hope that you continue posting.

It sounds like what you are doing is really important and worthwhile with the added advantage of it being provided by local women who know each other.

Local initiatives such as this are just how Women's Aid first started (I posted a thread earlier today about the origins of Women's Aid and what is described is nearly exatly what you are doing.) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4260463-The-movement-against-domestic-violence-celebrating-our-history And yes it was primarily local working class women who took the initiative.

And for any women who dont feel able to do what you are doing there is probably a refuge local to you that would love local support. Whether fund raising or volunteering. Refuges are now far more than a bed space for a couple of nights. They try to help women move onto a new life, this can mean giving legal advice, finding permenant housing, supporting children. And all of this at a time when funding is being cut.

I haven't followed all the Posie thread and so am not aware of what has been said. I did raise an objection to the implication that those already working for DV services weren't standing up for women only services. Because some are.

I think what you are doing is a way of offering support on a level that you can manage and now you have helped another woman. And could be used as a model for women to get together locally at a grassroots level.

Long may you continue! I am sure there are many women who remember you and your friends with warmth and appreciation.

I don't know if it's the case on here, but I'm convinced 90% of people who post 'awareness raising', virtue signalling type stuff do little or nothing to actually make life better for people. We need campaigns and intelligent discussion but I think actually doing the unglamorous work is more important, and can often be overlooked. Thank you for being someone who really does make a difference.

As someone has said it takes all kinds of people to push us forward the doers and the talkers.

The occasional supporters and the ones who dedicate their lives all make a difference.

I’ve found that in all bits of your life there are women who are desperate and frightened. Just a smile on the school run or asking if they might like a tea in work. You know the women who need help. There are so many more who are so ashamed to ask fo help. Think about your circle of women, from the lady who gives you a pint of milk in the shop, to the harassed mum at school. Next time you hear gossip about a woman struggling just give her a smile and I promise it starts from there. Women who need you are so close and You can help them, it just takes a woman like you, not looking down on her, just a smile. If you have a little group of friends just look around and I promise you can help a woman in trouble.

Mumsnet has helped a lot of women leave abusive relationships. Lots of good advice, helpful and supportive women on here.

@ArabellaScott this is where I found my sisterhood in a very different way. This is where women can stick up for other women. I don’t think we have time for point scoring I think we are strong enough and purposeful enough to look after our brethren. I felt like the proper feminists had come out on a few threads in the last couple of days and they might have forgotten the trouble us women are in.