DD wants to change school to escape the LGBTQ pressure

[SunshineNDaisies]

So over the past year, I have become increasingly concerned about DDs friendships, who she is mixing with and some of the messages on her phone. DD is 13.

The messages on her phone from her friends say things like they are lesbian, they are non binary, plus lots of messages about self harming.
DD always insisted she was straight when I asked her. I did be a good mum and say I wanted her to be happy however she identified but she kept saying no, I'm definitely straight.

She would come home and say "sara is now called Pip", "joe is now called North", "Amy is using neo pronouns" and admit to me that she's finding it all very confusing and hard to keep up with but has to be careful what she says so not to cause offense or get into trouble at school.

She also told me her best friend is now a lesbian, self harms, her best friend's mum's an alcoholic, and the group of friends DD is hanging around with made her drink some cans of lager when they went to the park and are making her go to areas of town DD isn't allowed.

So over the past year we've been trying to encourage DD to change her social circle, taking her phone off her, grounding her etc.

She's also not happy at school because kids misbehave in class and DD cannot concentrate and she's getting headaches.

It all came to a head yesterday and DD broke down and said she wants to change schools.

DD says she's being put under lots of pressure to 'come out' as anything other than straight. To change her look to a non binary look (I thought DD already had a gender neutral look going on - she loves joggers!). She's being put under pressure to choose a gender neutral new name and change her pronouns. She's being put under pressure to try self harming (she insists she hasn't). She's being contacted by older boys on Instagram (she showed me the messages and DD seems to have replied Piss off and leave me alone but she shouldn't be adding those people - so phone confiscated again). She's being put under pressure to skip classes. Put under pressure to join the schools LGBTQ group. Put under pressure to wear rainbow flag colours to school e.g. friends say get your nails painted LGBT colours.

DD is just clearly overwhelmed with it all and feeling really pressurised. This on top of bad behaviour preventing her education is all just too much and she has asked to change schools.

Sorry this is long but I'm upset as a mother but at the same time relieved. I have watched as she has changed from the lovely DD I know to someone who is moody, argumentative, weepy etc. I've tried everything but DD was keeping things from me. DD is like her dad, can't say no, and becomes everyone's counsellor, and that's just too much for a kid of 13.

I don't know what, if anything, to say to the school about DD wanting to leave and the reasons why. We did try complaining to the school about DDs education as I haven't been impressed but nothing changed in that regard. I am contacting other schools with a good reputation to see if they would be able to take DD ideally before the summer (we are in Scotland). Do we need to speak to current school first or just get a place elsewhere first? We are also considering a private school but that's expensive! So looking into good state schools higher in the league tables first.

Sorry for the essay. I feel upset, relieved, overwhelmed and a bit unsure of what more to do. This LGBTQ stuff has really taken over our kids lives

I'm not sure changing schools will mean that your daughter escapes sexual identity issues, because it is rife at this age and in these times the focus seems very much to be "you have to identify as something".

But as she has asked for a change then of course you should explore that option.

More importantly she needs a new friendship group that is not so focused on sexual identities and orientations, be secure in herself - which you are already encouraging. You sound very supportive and doing all that you can already to help her steer her way through this quagmire. At 13 yrs old, we too kept phones out of the bedroom at night so I don't think you're being a bad parent to restrict her access.

I'm not at all familiar with the Scottish system, but good luck with the move

I'd let her move. but only if you can find a school where this shitfest isn't going on. Good luck with that.

Congratulations on raising a child who is happy in her skin, btw.

If she wants to move I’d let her.

However, this stuff is rife everywhere. My dd is 13 and it’s really the thing to say you’re bi etc. They were decorating their stuff and they are under pressure to use lgbtq flags. My ds has a trans child with they pronouns in his class also.

If someone identifies as LGBTQ+, fine, but to put pressure on my daughter to be anything other than straight, is not on.

For kids of 12/13 to be posting "I love pussy" on their public social media, is not on. Nor is it appropriate at any age.

to talk about self harm, because their parents are 'so homophobic' and 'don't understand me' and to send pictures of self harm to my DD for her thoughts is not on

DD told me that one of her classmates uses neo pronouns. Not sure what this is but DD was saying they want to be known as fae

So instead of miss bloggs its fae bloggs, or something like that

DD is totally confused by it.

They/them, I can understand but when it becomes ze, xe, fae, that's just too much for me let alone DD

At least if its a thing at her preferred new school, there aren't many kids locally who go there and she has some distance.

She needs new friends really. If she joins a new school and makes friends similar to the ones now she will be stuck in this situation again.

I have a 14yo son and there's none of this in his friendship group. I have a dd in Sixth Form too and while she knows people who are lesbians or non-binary, there's never any pressure to join in or declare your sexuality.

Her group of ‘friends’ sounds very toxic.
Not sure what to advice you but whatever she does, keep hanging around with them is only going to make things worse.

I feel sorry for your DD. I remember when I was 13 years old it was already hard enough without all of this ridiculous woke pressure.

I am so sorry for your DD. How lucky she is telling you about it all.

Yes, do let her move schools.

I agree with moving schools asap. No waiting for terms to end if you don't absolutely have to.
O.

If a child sent my child photos of their self-harming I would be on to the school - even if they said it was nothing to do with the school I would hope they could advise and at least be aware that a child at their school was in need of help. Their parents should know and I take it you have no relationship with them? It directly impacts your child‘s mental health too. Hopefully it could be dealt with confidentially.

@SunshineNDaisies

If someone identifies as LGBTQ+, fine, but to put pressure on my daughter to be anything other than straight, is not on.

For kids of 12/13 to be posting "I love pussy" on their public social media, is not on. Nor is it appropriate at any age.

to talk about self harm, because their parents are 'so homophobic' and 'don't understand me' and to send pictures of self harm to my DD for her thoughts is not on

DD told me that one of her classmates uses neo pronouns. Not sure what this is but DD was saying they want to be known as fae

So instead of miss bloggs its fae bloggs, or something like that

DD is totally confused by it.

They/them, I can understand but when it becomes ze, xe, fae, that's just too much for me let alone DD

At least if its a thing at her preferred new school, there aren't many kids locally who go there and she has some distance.

If that is really what these CHILDREN are posting in social media, you need to report it to the school. Why on Earth are they posting sexually explicit stuff like that? They shouldn’t be sexually active , let alone posting that stuff. It’s horrifying. They need help .