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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

“Giving away” at weddings - anyone done something different?

129 replies

TheThermalStair · 16/05/2021 16:57

Coming under some (kindly meant) pressure to have my dad give me away at my wedding. I won’t be doing that for obvious reasons but I’m trying to think of alternatives - come up the aisle alone? Both parents? Me and DP swing in on trapezes? Just wondering how other feminists have handled it.

OP posts:
AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 16/05/2021 18:49

I walked by myself

FaintlyMacabre · 16/05/2021 18:49

I really can’t remember what we did- we had a humanist ceremony first and I think we both got up from our chairs to join the ceremony! We formalised it at a register office but that was a v small ceremony where we all went in together.
I love the idea of both parents walking both bride and groom down the aisle- really shows the joining of two families. Some friends of ours did that and I thought it was lovely.

AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 16/05/2021 18:50

Oh and there was no "who gives this woman" part said by the registrar

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 16/05/2021 18:58

My dad walked me down but we're RC so there's no giving away. If the aisle was wider I might have asked my mom too.

ValancyRedfern · 16/05/2021 19:11

I cancelled my wedding but was planning on walking down the aisle by myself.

GooodMythicalMorning · 16/05/2021 19:13

My mum gave me away.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/05/2021 19:16

We got married outside and our small gang all walked into the garden together but DH and I were at the front with my DSC and each held one of our hands, and everyone else followed us in. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Anoisagusaris · 16/05/2021 19:18

We walked down the church aisle together

cpjoli · 16/05/2021 19:20

My DS walked me down the aisle. Best bit of my wedding day Smile

TheRebelle · 16/05/2021 19:21

I had both parents walk in with me, while my dad is great and has always been there for me my mum definitely did more of the parenting, gave up her career to look after me and nearly died giving birth to me so it just didn’t seem right that my dad should “give me away” (🤮)

NigellasMicrowave · 16/05/2021 19:24

I walked in, alone, followed by parents. I had wanted DH to walk with me, but he was very keen for the “moment”. It felt like a nice compromise, and many people have remarked to us since how nice it was.

Anoisagusaris · 16/05/2021 19:27

Dh actually met me at the church entrance with some family guests so still had the ‘moment’ when I arrived. Everyone else went in, doors were closed, we had a moment outside, and then entered.

Sagaris · 16/05/2021 19:30

My dad died 25 years before I got married (2nd time). My manager at work offered to give me away, I was really touched - he's a lovely guy, but he has 2 daughters of his own, and I didn't want them to feel slighted - my sister said she wanted to do it - so she did! And no speeches - other than mine!

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 16/05/2021 19:32

Not giving me away but I had my mum walk down with me, it was a lovely way to include her. My husband walked down the aisle too with the kids.

Insertfunnyname · 16/05/2021 19:34

My husband (to be) walked down the aisle together. It was really nice. We were together to steady each other’s nerves and then the doors opened and we got to walk together as equals to make our vows.

DurhamDurham · 16/05/2021 19:42

Our daughter is getting married next year and she's asked both me and her dad to walk her down the aisle. I'm also traveling to the ceremony with them (in a camper van Grin) our youngest daughter and her daughter will also be traveling with us and they're filling the maid of honour and flower girl roles.

Frezia · 16/05/2021 19:48

My husband and I also walked in together, it's traditional in my culture. We started the party before the ceremony, went to the church to get married then continued the party. It's typical of weddings where I come from. We got a good 15 hours of celebration with family and friends, it was really lovely.

ShipsandGiggless · 16/05/2021 19:51

I walked on my own and met DH at the alter, I'm not my dads to give away and he respected that. We still had a father/daughter dance though

cakebythepound1234 · 16/05/2021 19:52

My dad walked me down the aisle, discussed my reluctance to go with 'who gives this woman away?' nonsense with the registrars before the wedding. They suggested 'who presents this woman' which isn't much better but better than being referred to as something to get rid of! To be fair, my dad and I have been through a lot and my mum is no longer alive so him walking me up the aisle made sense to me.

TolkiensFallow · 16/05/2021 19:57

We walked in together, joint decision and felt right. Other people can be witnesses

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 19:59

Dad walked me half way down then I walked the rest myself

jenwren19 · 16/05/2021 20:51

I had my mum and dad walk me down the aisle and loved it...really love the photographs to look back on now. No mention of being given away as wasn't a religious ceremony.
For the speeches, my dad and the mother of the groom did one each and then my husband and I did a joint speech.

DdraigGoch · 16/05/2021 20:54

My cousin was accompanied down the aisle by both of her parents. To be honest, it rather looked as if she was being frogmarched.

Perhaps a compromise can be found. If your dad walks you part way and then you do the final bit alone, he gets his moment in the limelight and you maintain your symbolic independence.

cakefanatic · 16/05/2021 21:00

I walked with my dad. He actually expected I wouldn’t want that being quite a bit of a feminist, but I was happy to walk with him. I didn’t really view it as being ‘given away’ more company for a journey, and it was tender and sweet. It was symbolic for me - I felt it intensely that in that moment it wouldn’t be dad I would phone first of all for help. (Of course in reality that had changed some time before, but I’m still glad we did that).

dratalanta · 16/05/2021 21:03

both bride and groom each walking down the aisle with one or both of their parents, who then 'present' them to be married. I like the symbolism of leaving one's family and joining together with another person to create a new family unit.

Lesbian here. This exactly. DW and I walked in separately, each of us accompanied by our parents (one parent on each side).

Was important to us to mark forming a new family (we were in our early 30s, no kids) - and our parents liked it too.