BBC3 - women's violence against men

[Clymene]

My 14 DS told me he'd seen this BBC3 video and how awful it was that people won't intervene when women are assaulting men whereas they will when men assault women

The video ends with a v/o that the number of women convicted of domestic violence went up nearly 4 times between 2006 and 2016.

These are the messages my DS took away from it:
-Men are more likely to be hurt if they're physically assaulted by women in public than the other way round
-Women are getting much more violent and are nearly as violent as men
-As a man, he is probably at as much risk as a woman of being a victim of dv.

Despite the seemingly alarming rise in WVAM (which I haven't fact checked), men are still responsible for 97% of domestic violence. I had to tell my DS that though because the BBC certainly didn't make that clear.

In fact, the video very much gives the impression that women are as bad as men and I don't think my son's dubious conclusions were unfair. In fact, I'd say they were exactly the conclusions the video is encouraging.

Why?

'For example, I'd bet that more than one in every 330,000 black people are in a criminal gang or are a drug dealer, and it would be unthinkable to suggest that black people on the whole are criminals. So why can we make these generalisations about men?'

Christ almighty.

A better example would be black people saying they are disproportionately targeted by the police.

I have no issues with that statement. It's true.

It's also true that the vast majority of violent crime, and all but a very small % of sex offences are committed by men.

I haven't read all the posts will do so now.

'I've never understood why some women campaign against things like International Mens Day and events intended to focus on male suicide etc, as has happened fairly recently at several unis where the IMD events ended up being cancelled, only a couple of days after the suicide of a male student in one case which I find horrifying.'

Do you have some links? I've not come across feminists protesting events about mental health and men but obviously I don't know everything!

Was the suicide directly linked? Again a link would be good. Sadly men do have a high suicide rate. Although girls and young women is the fastest rising rate in the UK but still lower. There are some really good men's groups who are working around this. Do you support any men's charities? I'd be interested in finding out about any I'm not aware of.

I ask if it was directly linked to the feminists protesting the session about men and suicide at the university because sadly suicide rates are high. I have had had 5 friends who had friends kill themselves at university. And one young man I knew well in my early 20s.

I also have an ex whose dad killed himself when he was a boy. It incurred impacted his whole life.

You seem to be implying that women who care deeply about the situation of women and girls around the world don't care about men, in fact actively want to harm them.

Why do you think that? This is MN. You know women have dads and brothers and male friends and workmates. Sons, male partners?

When you come here what do you imagine the posters to be like, that because they care about women and girls they must, essentially, actively hate men?

That's a bit weird surely.

Here's the link to one of the stories. I'll look for the rest in the morning as it's late and I've just got back from work.

The student didn't kill himself because of the event being cancelled, but I think it was particularly tonedeaf of them to cancel an event on male suicide at a time when it was so poignantly demonstrated that it was an issue.

The uni commented that "The main focus of our gender equality work will continue to focus on the equalities faced by women." I just don't understand this comment as surely it wasn't the feminist society that was going to run it. Couldn't they just have let the male volunteers get on with it?

I can only assume that the people who voted against it had similar mindsets to some on here who seem to feel that any discussion of men's problems is threatening their victim status.

I've also seen a few videos, from Canadian unis I think, where they were protesting a similar event and barricading the entrance. The police were called and it made the local news. The bit that stuck in my head was where they interviewed a young guy who said "I've lost two close friends to suicide this year and just wanted to try and understand what caused them to do this." Right behind him is a female protester screaming "You're white male scum!" into his ear.

I just don't get it. Some will probably call me a misogynist or MRA or whatever, but despite a tiny minority of men committing almost all sexual and violent crimes, it wouldn't be seen as acceptable for men to protest an event about VAWG and scream at the participants. The behaviour I saw in the video was frankly worse than most TRAs and I've not read anybody condemning the behaviour.

Anger as University of York cancels International Men's Day event after hundreds of students and staff complained

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3325113/amp/Anger-University-York-cancels-International-Men-s-Day-event-hundreds-students-staff-complained-promote-gender-inequality.html

Male Student Kills Himself On Day His University Drops International Men's Day

www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3734311

This will be an unpopular view on here, but I honestly think that some people are so opposed to their opposition that they end up becoming almost the mirror image - like far right and far left. I thought the same around the time of the BLM protests when people were luring innocent policemen with fake emergency calls and then assaulting them, in some cases fatally.

In fact, the more stories I read like this and the more bigoted threads I read on here the angrier it makes me. I'm actually thinking I no longer want to call myself a feminist.

I thought it must be some kind of reporting bias when I read that 93% of UK women support equality but reject the term 'feminist', but I feel like one of them now.

Apologies for being so mono maniacal on this and dominating the thread but I think I've turned a corner the last few days. I shall leave you to it.

Just spent ages writing a long post. Since when did MN have a character limit.

Anyway.

In short thank you for the studentroom link which led me to breitbart which led me to the letter.

You've read the letter I assume. They asked for more info because the IMD website at that time said some things that were v old school ideas about what men should be like.

They said concerned please more info.

Uni could have said don't worry here's the program and speakers all is well.

Job done.

Seems like they couldn't be bothered to reply and cancelled it instead.

Also no indication that the suicide was linked to that. It's tragic but saying caused by feminists is not on.

'I'm actually thinking I no longer want to call myself a feminist.'

Well yeah if you think that female violence against men is an equal or bigger issue than male violence against women then that's not a common stance for a feminist.

Hi. Name changed. I have something to say on this topic. I'm being prosecuted on it.

I'm in the US, so about to sleep, but tomorrow, if this feed is still active, I think I might have something valuable to ad.

[quote Clymene]@MrsTroutfireVII - this is a thread in feminism. If you'd like to start a thread about violence against men, go ahead but it doesn't belong in here. [/quote]
The opening post is exactly what that's about. I assume you were expecting lots of replies saying the reports you refer to are wrong. You have one poster saying, well yes, it is a problem , and your response is to say she's not allowed to talk about women's violence against men on a thread called "women's violence against men"

I'll just type it out now.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument 2 years ago. It got ugly and he grabbed my phone out of my hands and threw it against the wall. I called the police for the first time in my life. The screen was shattered but I could call. They came and then left.

A couple of weeks later, we had an argument where he was recording me on the phone to send to my mom. I had been drinking. I tried to get the phone from him. He called the police and got me arrested.

When one is physically larger, one can do what one wants without even making a mark in the other person. When one is smaller, one can't. I'm a "large" female in terms of height, but I learned that night, almost 2 years ago, that it doesn't matter. It made me think of how easily my 10 year old son could overpower his younger sister to get whatever he wanted. Didn't leave a mark. He didn't have to.

Well yeah if you think that female violence against men is an equal or bigger issue than male violence against women then that's not a common stance for a feminist.

I'm not saying that. I'm saying that there is much data to suggest that men face domestic violence in similar amounts, yet it's completely ignored - I mean, how many shelters for men are there?

I feel people perpetuate stereotypes rather than look at the data, like how you commonly read on here "If men only understood the risk we face by walking alone at night", when men are 4x more likely to be attacked and women are more at risk at home with their partner.

I've tried to tell myself that feminism isn't what many people say it is, but honestly I think it's a toxic community. Not the goals so much as the manifestation of them and the types of toxic people it attracts. I'm honestly done and I'm annoyed I tried to defend it in the past.

Sorry, but melodramatic but yeah I'm done.

'Bit melodramatic' not 'but'

@flygirl1983

I'll just type it out now.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument 2 years ago. It got ugly and he grabbed my phone out of my hands and threw it against the wall. I called the police for the first time in my life. The screen was shattered but I could call. They came and then left.

A couple of weeks later, we had an argument where he was recording me on the phone to send to my mom. I had been drinking. I tried to get the phone from him. He called the police and got me arrested.

When one is physically larger, one can do what one wants without even making a mark in the other person. When one is smaller, one can't. I'm a "large" female in terms of height, but I learned that night, almost 2 years ago, that it doesn't matter. It made me think of how easily my 10 year old son could overpower his younger sister to get whatever he wanted. Didn't leave a mark. He didn't have to.

I don't understand. You're being prosecuted for trying to get your phone back off him?

Yes. I had to hit him it get it back. My ring cut him. Evidence. He was able to just get my phone out of my hands without a mark because he's much stronger.

@flygirl1983

Yes. I had to hit him it get it back. My ring cut him. Evidence. He was able to just get my phone out of my hands without a mark because he's much stronger.

I have an older son and younger daughter. I love them both dearly, but my son can take whatever he wants from his sister without a mark. That's the beauty of being bigger.

Yes, but you assaulted him. The police probably wouldn't have rushed out to a report of a girlfriend not giving back her partner's phone but they'd certainly be attending if the bloke decked his girlfriend to get it back.

He was probably being a dick but you didn't have to hit him. You chose to.

@MrsTroutfireVII

Yes, but you assaulted him. The police probably wouldn't have rushed out to a report of a girlfriend not giving back her partner's phone but they'd certainly be attending if the bloke decked his girlfriend to get it back.

He was probably being a dick but you didn't have to hit him. You chose to.

You're right. It's almost like I wasn't there.

Yes, stronger people can overpower weaker people. It happens at school all the time with older kids bullying younger. It sounds like your relationship may be a bit toxic unless this was an isolated incident, which it doesn't sound like as you mentioned him smashing your phone.

What were you doing that he was filming to send to your mum? I'm assuming you weren't singing karaoke.

When one is larger and stronger, one can get one's way without leaving a mark.

@MrsTroutfireVII

Yes, stronger people can overpower weaker people. It happens at school all the time with older kids bullying younger. It sounds like your relationship may be a bit toxic unless this was an isolated incident, which it doesn't sound like as you mentioned him smashing your phone.

What were you doing that he was filming to send to your mum? I'm assuming you weren't singing karaoke.

No. Why would you ask what I was doing?

@MrsTroutfireVII

Yes, stronger people can overpower weaker people. It happens at school all the time with older kids bullying younger. It sounds like your relationship may be a bit toxic unless this was an isolated incident, which it doesn't sound like as you mentioned him smashing your phone.

What were you doing that he was filming to send to your mum? I'm assuming you weren't singing karaoke.

Karaoke? No. This isn't a joke. I'm giving an example of female on male violence.

Because you said he was going to send it to your mum so it was presumably something negative.

Apologies if I've misread the situation, but it sounds like you were kicking off and he tried to film you to document your behaviour, and you didn't like this and punched him.

But of course he may have been winding you up and trying to get the reaction he wanted, or maybe he started it all.

That's why I'm asking. But it's none of my business so feel free to tell me to butt out.

@MrsTroutfireVII

Because you said he was going to send it to your mum so it was presumably something negative.

Apologies if I've misread the situation, but it sounds like you were kicking off and he tried to film you to document your behaviour, and you didn't like this and punched him.

But of course he may have been winding you up and trying to get the reaction he wanted, or maybe he started it all.

That's why I'm asking. But it's none of my business so feel free to tell me to butt out.

Butt out. You're obviously not here in good faith.

Sorry, I honestly wasn't making a joke of it. This may be female violence and may have been an ill advised action but it doesn't sound like what I'd view as typical domestic abuse so much as an argument that got out of hand.

But your relationship doesn't sound healthy if I'm honest and I'm not saying that to be nasty. Both of you deserve better. I'd get some counselling or seriously consider whether you're right for each other.