Rape in private school - 170 testimonies

[OhHolyJesus]

I don't even have words for this.

Rape normal at private school, says dossier of 170 testimonies

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/c000d75a-8c16-11eb-a1a3-928d43a3bbc1?shareToken=a81fa5fea8898f75dced6354b15fd919

That's truly grim. The schools have spectacularly failed those girls and what message did it give to the boys?

There was a thread on AIBU yesterday about comments made in Y7 where a posters DD was told by a boy to “close your legs cos your Fanny stinks”

The response spoke volumes about how sexual harassment by boys is just hand waved away so I’m not remotely surprised that sexual assaults and rape are similarly minimised and pushed away.

I went to an all girls school and while of course there was bullying, there wasn’t sexual harassment/assault. When I was at uni I went to do some research at a mixed comp and was utterly shocked at the everyday low - high level sexual harassment and bullying of the girls. From casually calling them slags to lifting up their skirts with rulers to comments about the size of their breasts and that was just the stuff I was observing in a classroom during lessons. What was worse was the girls just shrugged it off, they said there was nothing that could be done and boys are just like that

I have a DD in Yr9. I'm unfortunately familiar with the tone of conversation at high school.
I've actually intervened more with high school than primary with regard to problems with other pupils. I really wish schools would take 'banter' more seriously.

I'm really shocked at the hand waving Biscuits. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to tolerate this broad dismissal of the reality that girls face. These girls are being failed everywhere they turn. I couldn't even finish the article.

How depressing to hear that it happens on a parenting forum too. What a sorry state.

That thread is a shocker @Biscuitsanddoombar. Dismissed as a silly comment and that suspending him might ruin his school career. Reminds me of Brock Turner

I'm glad all these reports are coming out from the schools. Obviously it's horrific that all these girls have been victims of this unspeakable behaviour but schools are complicit.

And there is far too much of a belief (especially on MN) that an expensive private education is a dream. For many girls, it's a living nightmare.

This is very sad. I'm
Going to to ask my dd what level
Of harassment she gets at school mixed state comp

I'm hopeful it's not that awful for her tho as I asked her if she had ever been sexually harassed when Sarah Everett was killed and she said she was kerb crawled by a 50 year old but that was all she mentioned.

Bad enough for her I know.

Those poor girls So let down by the adults supposed to be protecting them.

Actually I can well believe it. A good friend
Sent her boys to a highly regarded private school and she said nothing was ever done about disruptive behaviour as the kids parents involved were VERY liberal with their donations!!! I can see how this would all be covered up.

Now let's ask ourselves why increasing numbers of girls are desperate not to acknowledge their female bodies, and will do anything to become perceived as boys.

I worry so much for my dds. I went to an all girls school and loved it. There an no all girls schools round my way anymore. They have all become mixed.

It's so depressing, makes me almost wish I'd only had boys.

I would like my DD to go to the same school as her brother, but we have an excellent girls secondary near us and I keep wondering if that would be a better option.

It's why my DD is at an all girl's school. One of the girls I used to look after gave me a shock

Pressed return too early!

One of the girls I used to look after gave me a shocking account of the low level, but continuous sexual harassment she experienced from the boys at her mixed Outstanding comprehensive school.

Parents would not be so desperate to get their children places there if they heard about the unwanted groping and "banter" that the girls have to fight off, with little help from the staff.

It's grim, isn't it. I don't suppose it's just private schools either.

My DD is at Private School, the SLT are all female and address any Toxic masculinity both before it happens and afterwards.
However, DD has been asked for nudes by quite a few boys in her year and there is certainly a lot of entitlement. DD says it is made worse by the “pick me girls “ (her term) who seem to bask in the attention
I suggested to DD that she think about why they might feel the need to do that.
I have no idea what it’s like at State schools really but from friends with girls there I think it’s about the same.

What can we do about this? I feel really concerned. Are there any “anti-sexual violence and harassment” toolkits that the schools can use? If TRAs and Stonewall can produce packs for schools, can some women’s organisations produce school packs for eradicating rape culture?

There must be something we can do. It certainly won’t just be private schools - I should think this stuff is endemic.

Not just packs, sorry - what about resources and lesson plans? Or visits to schools for special sessions? There must be something that can be done to try to change this.

Yes MondayYogurt that is a good point.

Why doesn't "be kind" extend to recognising and trying to work against this horrific treatment of girls

Apologies Sarah everard

@CousinKrispy

Yes MondayYogurt that is a good point.

Why doesn't "be kind" extend to recognising and trying to work against this horrific treatment of girls

Essentially, I think that it's currently considered cool to hate women and girls and to treat them as badly as possible.

I went through school without a single mistreatment from a male. I doubt many girls in 2021 can say the same.

I am not sure this is just a private school issue. A few years ago I spent some time with people 15 or so years younger than me. The general misogynistic attitude towards women was rife. I don’t think this has been helped by some music culture, reality TV that portrays women as objects and social media where the reality for some of these girls is that they see the easiest way of making a quick buck through taking off some clothes.
This requires a huge cultural shift and as sad as it is that we seem to have gone backwards since my generation I am glad that this has highlighted the reality for girls today and will bring more awareness.

I'm sure it's not just a private school issue. But I would expect that if I were paying thousands a year for my daughter's education, the school would keep her safe.

State schools are hampered by huge student/ staff ratios and chronic underfunding. What excuse do private schools have?

Abuse is awful whenever and wherever it is perpetuated.

However, let's not demonise mixed schools and boys in general! I went to a mixed school and loved it. My DC are at mixed schools and enjoy interacting with everyone. There is no need for parents of girls to not want their children in school with my son. Teaching children at home and at school and through society that misogny is not acceptable is what is needed, not gender segregation in schools.

*misogyny

What are the parents saying?

I was wondering about Uk Feminista resources - anyone seen them?

ukfeminista.org.uk/

Clearly this isn’t new (though I can believe porn, cameraphones and smartphones, social media etc have exacerbated this) and it certainly isn’t confined to fee-paying schools either. It’s a MASSIVE issue for girls and young women at schools and sixth form colleges.

A quick thing that any of us with access to email can do for free is to support this Tory MP Robert Halfon who is calling for an inquiry. Hope he means via his select committee. If this could be joint with the Women and Equalities select committee that would be good, this is a systemic equality problem affecting girls as well as an education and schools behaviour/discipline issue.

‘The Tory MP Robert Halfon, chairman of the Commons education select committee and an alumnus of the school, called for an inquiry into the claims. He said: “There needs to be rapid reform in terms of respect and treating female students properly, but also in terms of safeguarding.”’

Write to him and say it’s not about one school doing one inquiry- there is a systematic problem in schools. As the Times seems to be just waking up to. Multiple female students (and a few male students targeted by other boys) are being harassed and violated by male peers with no consequences to the perpetrators. Culturally there needs to be education for boys plus a major reset of schools’ approaches to this.

We should demand a public Inquiry into sexual crime and sexual harassment in all schools and colleges in the UK.
If you are emailing, maybe copy in the Chair of the women and Equalities select committee Caroline Nokes MP (her committee keeps tabs on equality issues) committees.parliament.uk/committee/328/women-and-equalities-committee/

And copy in your own local MP so they know it’s an issue that local voters care about, asking your MP to raise these issues in Parliament. It could be really powerful if they would do so on behalf of all the girls too intimidated to tell anyone in authority what has happened to them and all the girls who did tell and have not been supported or whose school’s response has made it even worse.

MPs raising this as a cross-party issue will help it to be more powerfully/sustainably acted on.