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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Rape in private school - 170 testimonies

112 replies

OhHolyJesus · 24/03/2021 07:51

I don't even have words for this.

Rape normal at private school, says dossier of 170 testimonies

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/c000d75a-8c16-11eb-a1a3-928d43a3bbc1?shareToken=a81fa5fea8898f75dced6354b15fd919

OP posts:
toffeebutterpopcorn · 29/03/2021 08:56

I’m remembering a case in Scotland a year ago or so where a young man who had raped a little girl (and she was a small child) and walked away (with a fine of £80?) because it would damage his future if he was given a custodial sentence (so he was at school and planning to go to uni).

This is they society we have.

RedToothBrush · 29/03/2021 08:57

Good on Robert Halfon.

I wonder if Stella Creasy is watching and wondering how she can get involved and support a cross party initiative on this one.

seepingweeping · 29/03/2021 09:03

@toffeebutterpopcorn is that the man who was going to dentistry school? That case was horrendous. There was no justice for that little girl.

AbsintheFriends · 29/03/2021 09:06

Seeing this on the news last night started a conversation with two of my daughters, both now in their early 20s. Both of them have experienced this, one to a greater extent than the other. Both have been significantly damaged by it. I knew nothing about the specifically sexual aspect of it at the time (and now feel awful about that.)

All 3 of my kids went to the same (OFSTED outstanding) state school and all of them hated it, though they were bright and motivated and hardworking. All of them came out, thankfully, with good GCSEs and went to university. All of them were overlooked at school in every way, except it seems by the boys who targeted them. Apart from the teachers in the subject they excelled in I doubt that any staff would recognise them or remember their names. The culture in the school, from the male HT down, celebrated laddish locker-room popularity where girls were the cheerleaders. My dds were totally anonymous because they were the kind of girls who kept their heads down, didn't make a fuss and just got on with things. They put it behind them and moved on.

But fucking hell, they want to make a fuss now. I just don't know where to start.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 29/03/2021 09:16

[quote seepingweeping]@toffeebutterpopcorn is that the man who was going to dentistry school? That case was horrendous. There was no justice for that little girl. [/quote]
Yea the prospective dentist... it sure if the ‘sentence’ was ever actually increased. There was another similar but I forget the facts. Who the hell would visit that dentist, let alone send their kids to him?

Livinginthecity · 29/03/2021 09:25

Imagine how much worse it's going to get when they force girls to share loos with boys.

Mif4 · 29/03/2021 09:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mif4 · 29/03/2021 09:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 29/03/2021 09:35

I’ve been asking men I know who went to boys schools about assaults - the general consensus was that it was the teachers the kids worried about.

WhenSheWasBad · 29/03/2021 09:40

All of them were overlooked at school in every way, except it seems by the boys who targeted them. Apart from the teachers in the subject they excelled in I doubt that any staff would recognise them or remember their names

In fairness to teachers. State school teachers in secondary schools teach big classes. I’ve had to learn 210 pupils names since September (new to the school). In September I’ll probably have to learn another 100 names.

Please don’t blame teachers for not remembering someone’s name. There’s a lot of names to remember.

I have a horrible feeling this will be “dealt with” by having one extra PSHE day. The worlds tiniest hammer trying to crack a boulder.
Massive culture change is needed.

Lochmorlich · 29/03/2021 09:59

Its very telling imo that if I put a photo of my dog on sm I will get many immediate responses.
The bbc article about rape culture in schools that I posted first thing this morning has not been acknowledged by anyone.

RedToothBrush · 29/03/2021 10:06

@Lochmorlich

Its very telling imo that if I put a photo of my dog on sm I will get many immediate responses. The bbc article about rape culture in schools that I posted first thing this morning has not been acknowledged by anyone.
Animal protection laws were created in the uk before child protection laws.
ScrollingLeaves · 29/03/2021 10:14

There was a thread here started by a mother distraught that her 14 year old daughter had lied to her about her daily walk. Because all the family had a What’s App showing where they went, the mother had seen the girl was going to an odd place in the park. She went and found her there with a boy. It turned out she had met him on face book through a friend. He was her age not dangerous etc - but he could have been and this is just the sort circumstances where she could be vulnerable.

This mother was vilified for having ‘caught’ her daughter. The breach of trust aside -shown by the mother- the shocking consensus seemed to be that at that age she should be free to do what she likes, that they had done the same as her at her age and so on...... yet it at this sort of meeting we know how badly things can go wrong.

Time and time again on MN women insist that porn is fine regardless of the fact that it is showing a false and horrible way of treating women. Children are seeing it and being sexualised long before they have developed enough understanding.

The list of the pervasive harm in our society could go on obviously.

It is short sighted to think all this is the responsibility of schools.

AuntieStella · 29/03/2021 10:26

I wrote this on another thread too. It isn't just private, it's all school

@SchrodingersUnicorn - I completelymagree, and have been saying this too. Seeing the problem as 'other' as a private school issue is the worst possible outcome, but I'm hoping that now the creator of the website has said clearly it's everywhere, that erroneous impression will fade.

Lochmorlich · 29/03/2021 10:52

And the headmistress of Wirral grammar for girls is in the metro .
A pupil has started a petition to allow girls to wear trousers.
Elaine Cogan is not happy.

metro.co.uk/2021/03/25/headteacher-brands-petition-for-girls-to-wear-trousers-unacceptable-14305146/

ScrollingLeaves · 29/03/2021 11:19

ErrolTheDragon - from the link about Westminster School in the Times you linked.

What the headmaster of Westminster said “In respect of the alleged incident, our records show the school followed its published procedures and the advice of the relevant local authorities with whom it engaged fully. The school’s primary concern then, and remains now, the welfare of and pastoral care for its pupils and, as a consequence, all parties were dealt with fairly and sensitively.”
Yet if you compare this to what actually happened the girl, and her (alleged) attacker, this statement is hollow. They have followed policy but the effects on the girl were disastrous.

Ifonlyus · 29/03/2021 12:14

It's so frustrating that many of us have been pointing these issues out, lamenting the lack of of proper SRE which addresses consent, abuse and pornography and only now is out making the mainstream media, in what I hope is a 'connecting the dots' explosion that won't die down until wider society recognise the problem.

Of course it is not just private schools. I read an article a few years ago about a NHS mental health trust, and it talks about the increasing amount of girls they were treating for mental health disorders. It explicitly cited the cause as being the mistreatment of these girls by their male peer group. Girls persuaded to share nudes of themselves, then being shared wider, or girls being filmed performing sex acts and those images been shared. These actions cause trauma in many girls that prevent them from being able to function. This article mostly included state schools and girls from more deprived backgrounds.

In the past decade we've given children access to a powerful tool which allows them to consume and share information that is far beyond their level of maturity. Many parents need to wake up to what is out there. The teenage boards on here are always full of the parents who don't parent, and instead defer to their own youth to excuse their teens doing what they want. Which is about as useful as conparing my youth to my late grandmother's youth.

Where schools do have a responsibility, I think, is to actually educate parents. And I know some schools do try. All schools need to not be squeamish about explaining to parents know what pornography looks like today, the kind of messages and language boys are using to talk about girls in their messages and what's app groups.

By the way - slightly related - has anyone seen that Warwick University female students have been staging a protest for at least a week calling on the university to do more to protect and support female students? It's not been widely reported. Let's not forget its not just schools. When the problems with male entitlement and abusive bahaviour aren't tackled during the school years, they move in to universities, and many universities have been guilty of (mus) handling allegations internally instead of involving the police

ErrolTheDragon · 30/03/2021 07:52

Of course it is not just private schools.

The Times today has a piece on claims of abuse in state schools

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/surge-in-claims-of-sexual-abuse-by-pupils-at-state-schools-sbzz3x8pq?shareToken=09356eb626269ded2341deb777353340

toffeebutterpopcorn · 30/03/2021 08:03

It’s so much wider than schools - churches, youth clubs, cadets, scouts/brownies/guides, sports clubs and training... girls (everyday) and boys (more hidden?). And social media.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 30/03/2021 08:09

Care - I forgot children in care.

BoomTastic1 · 30/03/2021 09:15

I went to private school in the 90s and didn't experience any harrassment. There was a short spate of boys pinging bra straps around 11 or 12. The teachers came down on that pretty quickly. There was strong female leadership I remember. I think the answer is to stamp it out as soon as it starts, not let it slide, but that relies on girls feeling able to speak up and that they are taken seriously and listened to as soon as they do. What message does it give to a YW if she speaks up and is dismissed? Absolutely no excuse for that.

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