Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Rape in private school - 170 testimonies

112 replies

OhHolyJesus · 24/03/2021 07:51

I don't even have words for this.

Rape normal at private school, says dossier of 170 testimonies

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/c000d75a-8c16-11eb-a1a3-928d43a3bbc1?shareToken=a81fa5fea8898f75dced6354b15fd919

OP posts:
Uhohmummy · 25/03/2021 18:52

Yes, well done to those girls for taking a stand. I’m surprised we haven’t heard more about it given how shocking the allegations are, but it is good it’s in the National papers.

TheWashingMachine · 25/03/2021 19:25

I had actually heard about the rape culture a few years ago at two of the schools being widely mentioned in the press. It seems the staff were probably aware of it but kept quiet because of fear of reputational damage.

However, I'm pleased these girls are now speaking up. I went to an all girls private school in the 90s and recall this sort of thing happened but nobody wanted to talk about it so it got over looked. I think there have always been issues but social media and sharing images, revenge porn has exacerbated it.

ScrollingLeaves · 25/03/2021 19:49

I was born in the midcentury. As a teenager 16, 17 I spent a lot of time with undergraduates at an elite university. I was sometimes drunk at parties though not with spirits. I was innocent ( literally). Sometimes I even slept cuddled in bed with young men in my group of friends. I shudder to think of this now but not one ever touched me sexually. There were no rape jokes etc. The group I was in was popular. The restraint was not due to people being especially serious - on the contrary parties were wild and fun and non-stop.

There was patriarchy in those days, and a patronising attitude to girls in some ways. I am not telling of this to say these were the good old days. Of course there must have been date rapes then too, and marriage was considered to confer permanent consent to sex.

But what has happened to make the present horror evident in the testimonies about these schools?

On a separate point, earlier this week “24 Hours in Police Custody” there was a case where two young girls had been raped by the same man following initially having been in contact with him on Facebook then meeting up with him. They had also sent him nude photos. What was shocking was that it became clear that the CPS might not prosecute because of the photos. Luckily, because the girls had such similar, but entirely independent, stories, and because one had happened to tell him she was 15 he was charged and found guilty of rape.

The testimonies related to DC frequently mentioned the pressure the girls were under to send nude photos. Are girls being educated to know not only about the danger of revenge porn and blackmail, but also that, effectively, in practice, should the boy they sent it to rape them at a later point, they would be deemed by CPS to have given consent?

Uhohmummy · 25/03/2021 23:06

This is being discussed on Newsnight now.

TheDogsMother · 25/03/2021 23:18

I'm just watching this on Newsnight and am astonished and saddened for these victims.

stumbledin · 25/03/2021 23:56

Sorry if this has been posted but part of what encouraged the young people to protest is this web site www.everyonesinvited.uk/

And of course it isn't just private schools.

And a head teacher wrote this "I know violence against women starts in the playground" www.independent.co.uk/voices/violence-women-school-playground-b1821595.html

But what I dont understand is how this has some how become an issue schools should deal with - a bit like every talking about the police are responsible for ending male violence against women.

What we have to talk about is that the young boys and men in schools, and the men attacking women are part of a culture that embeds this idea of women as objects for sexual gratification and violence. ie rape culture.

How has it becomes schools to hold back this tide? What is going on in families that their boys are going off to school thinking it is okay to denigrate girls. And no doubt social media and ready access to pornography is playing a part.

But the problem is society does not make men question their attitudes and behaviour. Or only in a jokey fashion.

If we were reading about this in a history book it would be under the heading of a barbaric period, and yet we all assume we are sophisticated and advanced in our thinking.

Uhohmummy · 26/03/2021 06:47

I agree the problem is far wider than just schools, it’s cultural. Parents have a huge responsibility to bring up their sons to be respectful of women.
But the specific issue here is rape culture within schools (or in your other example, within the police). That is the responsibility of those institutions and for them to deal with. How can schools have been so neglectful of their duty of care to girls? Children not taught the basic rules of consent, girls not being listened to, boys not held to account, teachers not taking any action/turning a blind eye to horrific behaviour - the school is responsible for all of this.

Uhohmummy · 26/03/2021 06:58

And if we accept that poor treatment of girls and women and by boys is a problem in wider society, why is it that some schools are safe for girls and others are not? I can’t believe it’s because certain schools have nice boys and others don’t. The answer is that some schools tolerate this behaviour, to the extent that some appear to positively encourage it.
The particular school featured on Newsnight seems to be doing well from a PR point of view. It will be interesting to see what happens from this point.
I wonder if any legal action can be brought by parents for what appears to be a complete failure to carry out its duty of care.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/03/2021 08:44

Today's Times (they've had quite a series) - Dulwich College

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/dulwich-college-reports-its-boys-accused-of-sex-crimes-to-police-5vg2tn5sq?shareToken=33caf2141a2ac0b1330e7828f89f40b1

ChattyLion · 26/03/2021 11:39

Glad to see this.

Xanthangum · 26/03/2021 18:25

Ed O'Brien from Radiohead

Rape in private school - 170 testimonies
Thecatonthemat · 26/03/2021 19:17

News on iTV tonight showed girls taking action with placards left on school gates etc. I would like to know whether there will be a demand for single sex schools, in which we know girls flourish. And if there will be changes.

ChattyLion · 27/03/2021 04:55

Met police investigating the online reports of sexual assault re London schools: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-56545081

‘Allegations of sexual assault at London schools are being investigated by police, after being highlighted by an online campaign.
The website "Everyone's Invited" asked victims to post anonymous accounts of abuse they had suffered, and has now received more than 5,000 testimonies.
The Met Police said it has been "reviewing the content" of the site and contacted schools it could identify.
The testimonies include accounts from victims as young as nine.
The Met's lead for rape and sexual offences, Det Supt Mel Laremore, said: "It is deeply concerning to see the number of accounts published on this website, many of which appear to relate to previous or current experiences within educational settings in London and across the country.
"We take all allegations of sexual assault very seriously. We understand the complex and varied reasons why many victim-survivors do not contact law enforcement, but I want to personally reassure anyone who needs our help that we are absolutely here for you."
People who were abused years ago should still come forward and report the incidents, Det Supt Laremore said.’

Meanwhile at one of the London private schools highlighted, Highgate school has set up an internal inquiry after walkouts by the students and days of publicity: camdennewjournal.com/article/ex-appeal-court-judge-to-lead-review-into-highgate-school-rape-culture-claims

Hopefully other police forces outside London will also proactively put resources towards this issue and more schools will engage meaningfully too.

Also think social media companies bear some responsibility for allowing abusive content to be shared and not taken down and they should actively seek consequences for perpetrators, but nobody seems to want to go near that elephant in this room.

OhHolyJesus · 27/03/2021 10:54

I've returned to read through posts and it's difficult but really important. Thanks for all the new links. I'm going to watch Newsnight back and gather quotes for my letter to my MP which I've yet to draft.

Some days it's hard to realise how girls are being failed again and against and again and harder still to realise what it will take for even a tiny shift to happen.

OP posts:
ChattyLion · 27/03/2021 14:09

Met Lead on this says this is a ‘national’ issue
Absolutely. That’s a big step in the right direction.
Now back to the government to respond... and...?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-56549070

ChattyLion · 28/03/2021 17:34

National Education Union has a recent report on some themes about generalised sexist culture in schools. So when will we start joining the dots on all this? Not read the full thing but I think we can all guess what they found when they asked about this in schools..Sad
neu.org.uk/advice/its-just-everywhere-sexism-schools

Cheermonger · 28/03/2021 17:53

Now let's ask ourselves why increasing numbers of girls are desperate not to acknowledge their female bodies, and will do anything to become perceived as boys. @MondayYogurt

^this

CousinKrispy · 28/03/2021 21:14

Glad to see this is getting coverage in the media.

MyCatLovesFish · 28/03/2021 21:24

The girls at the private schools are just the tip of the iceberg I hope people realise this. The rape culture is alive and well in state secondary schools and sixth form colleges too.

ChattyLion · 28/03/2021 23:10

Excellent
New helpline being launched, more coverage, more pressure on national authorities.
Everyone's Invited: School abuse claims could be the 'next national scandal
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56558487

midgeswithnofingernails · 29/03/2021 08:12

Now over 6000 testimonies from across all sectors

Do hope they finally decide that it's not a prank or childishness to be swept back under the carpet

ChattyLion · 29/03/2021 08:36

Robert Halfon, chair of the education select committee, has called for an independent inquiry to be launched into allegations of a "rape culture".
"After the police investigation, there should be an independent inquiry looking into all these allegations - what exactly has gone on, why it was allowed to take place and what the schools did to try and stop it," Mr Halfon wrote in the Sunday Telegraph.

Excellent start. Schools must have effective systems for dealing with this.
(Halfon was quoted in BBC link above) I don’t have link to Telegraph as its paywall
if you can send an email and follow it up with a phone call to your MPs’ office (even better!) here’s an action to take:

Don’t assume this inquiry will just happen because one MP has called for it or that the government interest will survive in this at all beyond the media interest.
Voter pressure is needed to gather a critical mass of MPs...if you think this inquiry is a good idea to highlight this problem and if you want actual anti-sexist, anti-Male violence against women and girls content taught in schools, (and it doesn’t matter if you dont know exactly what that should look like or include at this stage, I don’t, evidence for that can be explored as part of the inquiry..) please write to your MP to demand it.
Make sure you copy in Robert Halfon MP and Caroline Nokes MP (chair of women and Equalities select committee) to keep them interested in advocating for girls.
Find your MPs’ details here:
www.parliament.uk/get-involved/contact-an-mp-or-lord/contact-your-mp/

toffeebutterpopcorn · 29/03/2021 08:40

Are they looking at the porn industry and popular culture? What about unis providing ‘toolkits’ for prostitution? Society is normalising ‘porn sex’- actually needing to create a law to say strangling/killing your partner during sex is a bad thing shows the extent of this.

When I look for Halloween costumes - what do I see? Sext schoolgirl outfits, sexy little bo peep/red riding hood - it’s terrible that this is how girls are viewed.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 29/03/2021 08:44

I wrote this on another thread too. It isn't just private, it's all schools.
Schools are mostly powerless against it, state or private.
We can't kick kids out with no 'evidence' (and as we know, her word against his doesnt count Hmm). If the police can't convict people of sexual assault, how the hell are schools meant to?
We do PSHE and we talk about VAWG and respect and loving relationships and sexism. We do it all. But it does nothing against a tide of social media misogyny and whatever they are hearing at home. I can talk until I'm blue in the face, show them shocking stats and heartwrenching case studies and the boys who are the problem won't listen - because by the time they are 11 they have already been taught not to listen to female teachers.
If we tell the police more often than not they say 'deal with it in school'. Even if it happened out of school.
I have no idea what the answer is but schools 'doing more' is not, because we are already doing all we can. I've worked in state and private by the way.
It is slightly better in schools with female SLT, but even then we can't solve it.

RoyalCorgi · 29/03/2021 08:46

This makes me so angry. We all know this has been going on for years. Schools are now pretending to care about it, but if they'd cared, they'd have taken action earlier. Yet another story in the Times today about a young woman at a private school who was raped, but was treated as if she was the problem. Young man who raped her stayed at the school and ended up going to Cambridge.

Sexual harassment and abuse of girls was a problem when I was at school in the 70s. It's a problem in private schools and in state schools. No one gives a fuck. It's only now that this wonderful young woman has set up her website - in the wake of the Sarah Everard case - that the media are finally paying attention.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.