Jack Monroe

[FootSticklebricks]

Solidarity with Jack Monroe, who is a great human being who does some wonderful things. Hugely brave of her to tell this. Yet another example of police ignoring women reporting crimes. And another reminder to remain sensitive to the complex reasons female bodied people may not always feel good about being female bodied.

mobile.twitter.com/BootstrapCook/status/1370638065807540225

We need legislation that protects from verbal abuse from men.

We need legislation that protects women from "minor" sexual assault eg flashing.

We need Police forces that protect women.

We need judges who see this and don't let men off for bollocks excuses.

We need a LOT of change. How???

Should we all just report every micro aggression? I will from now on

I'm crying

It's tempting MrsT isn't it.

Poor Jack .She is a tremendous food writer, and genuinely cares for nutrition for people who dont shop in Waitrose /Sainsburys or M and S! her cheap filling food is a revelation for so many people .I find it chilling that this man was free to stalk her over such a long period .One hopes this is an isolated case ,but who knows? A terrible story .She is brave beyond words.

Of course it's not an isolated case.

Just reading through this makes me so angry and scared... that someone can do all those things to you with no comeback, is just terrifying.

I fully understand why she has switched off responses on twitter, but i wish i could tell her i understand and I'm sorry.

Horrendous, really distressing and shocking to read both what happened to her over so many years, but also the total lack of care and support from the Police.

✊🏽 Jack

That is horrific. I hope the police are held to account for this.

People really don't seem to get just how men can get away with this stuff.
I don't care if it's not all men. That's irrelevant. Because if a man decides to behave in any one of the multiple ways Jack has experienced, nothing happens to them.

Which makes it open season for the men who do virtually anything to women.

I hope someone directs Jack here. Full sympathies and support.

Solidarity Jack if you are reading. So so many things need to change, and they need to change now. We are groomed from such an early age to accept these acts of violation, as children, adolescents, a lingering hand, a man too close on the bus, comments in the streets. We know deep inside not to tell, we bear the shame and fear, we need to ensure our daughters know this is not OK, they will be believed. I knew, the first time my stepfather came to my room, placed his hand under the covers on my thigh, I froze, my childhood ended then. But I knew deep in my bones I couldn't tell. This is what needs to change, I was brought up in the eighties surrounded by feminists and yet still I bore that shame for that act and those to come. We need a society where my first response would have been to tell a trusted adult in the full and total knowledge that I would be protected and believed. This is what out children deserve.

Just dreadful and sadly not an uncommon story.

Very brave of Jack to share the story.

@CardinalLolzy

cailleach she's a hugh-profile woman on Twitter, so I strongly suspect she's talking from her own experience, and perhaps in this thread in particular, it's no-one else's place to question that.

I'm not questioning her (are we allowed to say that now?) experience. The man in question was an abuser. Sexual assailant and stalker.

As I have never heard another woman questioning someone for wanting to look less feminine, never mind lambasting them for it, I am certainly interested if it is a common thing.

This is a thread linking to a twitter post. Not the twitter post itself.. Now that you mention it, if people are lambasted on twitter, it may not even be women who are doing the lambasting.

I just don't get the scolding of women in this. Women aren't responsible for men's crimes against us.

This reminds me, chillingly, of the stalker in the Emily Maitlis case, although he has been prosecuted many times. He latched onto Emily at uni when she didn't want to go out with him but just be friends, so way before she ever came into the public eye.

Yet again, a man who thinks he owns women, that they are his just to do what he likes. Poor Jack and absolutely damning that the police did nothing.

Poor woman.

As I have never heard another woman questioning someone for wanting to look less feminine, never mind lambasting them for it, I am certainly interested if it is a common thing

I don't engage with the sort of media where this happens, but in a culture where every tiny aspect of a woman's appearance is considered fair game to be picked over and criticised, I can easily believe that Jack gets a lot of grief over her appearance

However, do women really say other women are a disgrace for wanting to 'look less feminine'. Nobody has ever said that to me; ever. However, I may have been lucky with my background, family, OH and friends.

Probably not in exactly those words, but surely most of us have heard "She'd be really pretty if she'd only take a bit more care of herself/wear a bit of make up/put on a nice dress." And "butch" isn't usually employed as a compliment either. Although "that looks a bit more feminine" is.

Poor Jack. That sounds horrific. And utterly unrelenting.

That story about the sentencing too. As if it being an opportunistic crime in some way excused it!

God, it's all just never-ending. So much you couldn't even begin to list it all. And when you try to mention it, just to be hit with namalt and disbelief and not even an attempt to see.

So many women will always say they feel tired, often without any really apparent reason. I'm one of them. But is it any wonder?

cailleach Jack's tweet says:
"And excuse the shit out of me if I don't care for people telling me I'm a 'disgrace to women' for wanting to look less feminine. For wanting to try to opt out of another twenty years of this. It's complicated. But it's my story and it's my ending to write. Nobody else's."

1- she says it's "people" that have told her that, so to interpret that as "scolding women" or "lambasting" women, as you put it, is entirely incorrect imo.

2- she's put it as, presumably, a pre-emptive statement that her appearance or assumed position on anything else shouldn't detract from her story. Which it shouldn't. She should be able to tell this story without it derailing into views on Jack as a person or her perceived femininity, whatever that is. She gets this very often when she tweets so it's hardly surprising she'd anticipate it and try to head it off. But clearly some still want to look for a reason to criticise or doubt.

I don't think i have anything else to say that wouldn't add to the distraction from the actual subject of the Twitter thread, so I'm leaving it there.

I find it chilling that this man was free to stalk her over such a long period .One hopes this is an isolated case ,but who knows

Of course it's not isolated, I moved loads of times to get well away from my stalker. People actually asked me why I moved so much and even when I told them, my stalker has found me they just shrugged and said oh yeah, him. No one gave a shit then, and worst of all I've seen him recently and am now moving again. I've been lucky with probably 12 years without him, but now he's moved to my area and christ I'm terrified.

Police as we know wont do a thing because nothing he does is actually illegal and he knows how to scare me without laying a finger on me.
I too changed names which is how I've been free of him so long, but it's a matter of time til he sees me and gets my new name and then it starts again. I dont want to change my name again I dont want to move I love this street, but its better to do that than be terrified again and as we know it will escalate and he may well kill me.

Anyone who has gone to the trouble of changing their name is not going to tell anyone because that defeats the point. We also dont tell many people we have a stalker, because that also puts them in danger.

See how its hidden ?

@CardinalLolzy. Yes, I agree that this subject is best discussed by staying on the substantive matter; without veering into background noise about feminine appearances etc. People includes women and men, of course.

Maybe wider issues would be better addressed in a discussion thread. Op hadn't stated this was more a book of sympathy; which is fine too. Just the op hadn't stated that. Although I see some posters here are widening into discussion about this problem being more prevalent.

It sounds as though the perpetrator’s knowledge that the police won’t/can’t do anything becomes part of the abuse.

It also shows why most women and girls don't even bother reporting incidents to the police when it's met with such indifference.
Men do anything to excuse male behaviour.

That bloody story of a man let off prison after attacking a woman in case he lost his job ffs. Tough shit. The usual bullshit 'out of character'. Like when murderers, 'wouldn't hurt a fly'.

That's is a horrible story and I believe every single word of it.

Brave words from a survivor. I'm so so sorry the police didn't lock him away the first time.

No fucking words. What a terrible thing.