Suzanne Moore on male violence

[CaveMum]

Nail. On. Head.

“I am meant to be writing a light- hearted travel piece at the moment but my heart is heavy.

I can’t look at the news . I can’t not look at the news. A lovely young woman’s face is there. She is missing and well.. I do not know what happened. None of do yet. But we fear, my god we feel the fear.

Women are murdered day in and day out by men. This is how we live. I am here by the skin of my teeth and I have three daughters who walk around at night because you know we are all so free and modern.

They passed to me a list of the things that rapists look out for. Pony- tails are easy to grab. That one stuck in my head. I wear my bag tight across my chest, I have keys in my hand. I take taxis a lot more . I cross over the road. I never walk with headphones in. I tell my youngest to do the same but I know she ignores my advice.

I have been raped. It was probably my own fault and it happened at a time and in a place where if they proposed marriage after , it wasn’t even a crime. I have put myself in many dangerous situations. I have been attacked in the street and gotten away.

Is walking home at nine at night dangerous? Do women say to each other let me know when you are home safe for no reason? No we have every reason. We are not safe on the streets and too many of us are not safe at home.

Male violence is what we live with. We are trapped by it. Whoever we are .Wherever we go.

I don’t want to know any more about Sarah but I imagine I will read everything. Self-defence remember that? Sure it’s a good idea to know some but that does not save us.

Today my defences are so low. Many women’s are. Tomorrow I will gather myself up and be angry that this is the way we have to live. I cannot accept it, I never will. I cannot imagine the pain for Sarah’s loved ones. I swear to god I will do everything I can to make women feel safer

….but its not up to me is it?

The people who can make women safe are not other women.

It is up to men to do that. Is that too much to ask? Is it really?”

Link to full piece: suzannemoore.substack.com/p/sarah?r=cldek&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=twitter&fbclid=IwAR31BkiYjXpCdXMZw2SNqy9qwhEKOKfCn8LG8-Fo5_mQl-lySi5cu1YZJoQ

She has it right. Again.

Made me weep that piece.

Sarah

Have any of you seen the hypocrites on Twitter talking about how women should be allowed to feel safe in public places and that random unknown men make us fearful. The same idiots think we should be happy to let someone with a penis come into a women's toilet. Or have someone with a penis conduct an intimate examination. And it's a hate crime to object.

Excellent article

That’s just made me cry.

Everything I’ve been feeling this last week but she is able to articulate it so well.

Why are we putting up with this?

I’m so angry by the comments from the police that women should stay at home/not go out alone for their own safety. Fuck that! Is this the Yorkshire Ripper investigation all over again?! How about women are kept safe by putting all the men under curfew instead?!

And of course her rapist was to blame for the rape. Not Suzanne.

How about women are kept safe by putting all the men under curfew instead?!

Indeed.

@bellinisurge

Have any of you seen the hypocrites on Twitter talking about how women should be allowed to feel safe in public places and that random unknown men make us fearful. The same idiots think we should be happy to let someone with a penis come into a women's toilet. Or have someone with a penis conduct an intimate examination. And it's a hate crime to object.

The cognitive dissonance is mind blowing

Twitter - Women are scared of men all the time! They have to curtail their lives because they don’t know whether a man is safe or not. It’s horrendous.

Also twitter - let any man who says he’s a women into your spaces you bigots!!!!

BBC breaking news - Human remains have been found in woodland.

For the last few days I was just hoping they found her body so her family would get closure, how sad is there because I was so certain of her murder.

RIP Sarah, you weren't even safe walking home at 9pm at night

It’s truly heartbreaking.
And a man arrested in Wales for murdering a 16 year girl.
Male violence against women and girls, over and over again. It’s an epidemic.
RIP Sarah and RIP Wenjing 💐 💐

That's a brilliant piece of writing.

I walk home alone late at night because I won't be told I shouldn't. Despite a few hairy moments, I have been lucky so far.

It's horrifying to be reminded of the truth that so much is down to luck.

I walk with keys as a weapon when I'm using the stairs in the multi storey car park. I'm too fearful to use the lift because random men could get in it at any point on my journey. A fucking useless weapon . But a weapon.
Will I need to start holding my keys in public toilets now. Will I have to ask for a chaperone every time I get a smear now?

They've arrested a met police officer.
So even the men who really should be safe, are not.
What can we do?
It feels so hopeless, shes right that its not up to us to change it.
But men wont, why would they.
They've got free reign.
Rip Sarah

Just last night I read about the trial and conviction of a man who killed a school mum local to us and now this is confirmed too. Still so much of this shit happening. I have no answers.

There was a rape yesterday in my home town. The advice was that women should go out in pairs. No! How about men stay in or go out only in pairs.

Each incident is treated differently depending on victim, assailant, circs and severity.

The starting point for a lot of it is victim blaming.
Why did you walk there why did you go home with him why did you wear that etc etc

This case I was angry when I think it was the BBC put in the headline she had walked home alone. There's a subtext to that isn't there.

The thing that really pisses me off is that women can follow all the rules in the world and still be attacked. It's luck. Running into a rapist/ murderer when he's looking for a victim/ or he sees an opportunity.

Of course the fact it's luck is really scary. So there are rules. And there are so many that any and every woman, almost, will have done something 'wrong'.

And then there's the way if it's really bad it switches from victim blaming to 'he's an evil monster'.

The dots are never joined, the cases treated in isolation. Because otherwise it means facing up to male violence and society just does not want to do that.

The other thing is that the men who do the extreme things have usually worked their way up to it.

If society and the authorities took VAWG seriously then some of these men would be off the streets before they committed more serious crimes.

@NiceGerbil

The other thing is that the men who do the extreme things have usually worked their way up to it.

If society and the authorities took VAWG seriously then some of these men would be off the streets before they committed more serious crimes.

This is such an important point

I cried when I heard they had found the remains. I knew it was the most likely outcome but to know that something terrible happened to her and that she was alone and afraid is just overwhelming. My heart breaks for her and her family and loved ones. Rest In Peace Sarah.

When we lived in London dh used to ask me why I didn't go out at night, only met my friends during the day.

He'd happily mind DC, in fact was probably looking forward to some quiet time in total control of the tv, couldn't understand my reluctance when I'd say getting home was an issue as we were 20 mins from central London and only a 10 minute walk from the train station.

One night I broke it down in very simple terms of what I needed to do/consider on my journey home to ensure I was as safe as I could be.

His mind was actually blown. He'd never considered it.

If he missed the last train, he'd take the night bus, get off 15 minute walk from home as the bus usually took an extra 30 minutes.

It's so fucking exhausting having to always think what would some crazy do, where should I walk/sit/look for help.

It was just easier to remove that stress from my life.

RIP Sarah 💐

I feel so hopeless today. I know it's a minor thing, but I posted this on FB and there's not been any response at all. It just seems like nobody cares that women aren't safe from the very people who are meant to keep us safe (and that this isn't news, I remember last year the incident with the photos of the two dead women, and also the policeman who killed his mistress) Where is the Women's Lives Matter movement? Divide and rule seems to have been played so effectively on women that so many don't seem to identify with each other and see a pattern.