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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Almost all young women in the UK have been sexually harrassed

102 replies

Kit19 · 10/03/2021 08:33

this is heartbreaking and I wish I could say surprising but it isnt. Women have no faith it will be dealt with either

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 10/03/2021 10:44

Maybe one place to start is to get the fathers of our children more engaged on this. Many of them 'get it' if they have girls, though perhaps too often in a literally patriarchal way.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2021 10:55

@334bu

I wonder if the increase experienced by younger women is less about a genuine increase in sexual harassment than a refusal by young women to accept inappropriate behaviour. I find it unlikely that my generation was less harassed given my own experience. What is more likely is that older groups saw lower levels of harassment as just the way things were. Well done these young women for calling out this appallingly entitled male behaviour
I agree, it isn't a new thing. In fact, it may have been more blatant in the 60s and 70s. I think we did accept it as the way things were while knowing it was wrong. I never told my parents because they would have kept me in and losing my liberty wasn't worth it plus I would probably have been blamed (short skirt, slightly see-through cheesecloth top etc).
Floisme · 10/03/2021 11:01

It was so blatant in the 70s it was like wallpaper - you almost didn't see it and you adjusted your lifestyle without even thinking about it. And, as Captain says, no way did you tell your parents or any adults because it would have meant losing your liberty / your job / your reputation.

334bu · 10/03/2021 11:01

I would probably have been blamed

No probably about it . I was followed back to my student flat by a man visibly masturbating and when I reported it later to the police, the first thing I was asked was " What were you wearing?"

DdraigGoch · 10/03/2021 23:47

@alkanet

Part of the problem is men finding it difficult to see things from a woman's perspective. Every time I have discussed this with men I get the " cor, I'd love to be sexually harassed " jokey attitude. I usually ask them if they would enjoy having their crotch grabbed by a bloke the size of Mike Tyson. They get it then.
I'm a man and was once harassed at work by a drunken customer old enough to be my mother. I hated every moment of it, especially having to remain polite as I was at work. I have every sympathy with women who've gone through similar (or worse), often on many many occasions. I would never dream of making inappropriate comments towards someone or groping them, I cannot fathom why some men think it acceptable while sober, let alone drunk. Where do they get it from? I've never seen a film, TV show or book where a romance started after a scaffolder shouted "get your tits out" at a passer-by.
stumbledin · 11/03/2021 00:13

AS far as I can make out the article is based on this survey, but (maybe because it is a bit late at night) I can make any sense of it Blush

But in case anyone is interested docs.cdn.yougov.com/qepiqi9xaf/YouGov%20Sexual%20harassment.pdf

I wonder if there is a survey from 70s or 80s asking women their experience of sexual harassment to be able to do a comparison.

Titsywoo · 11/03/2021 00:19

My dd was sexually assaulted at school by a male 'friend'. He did the same to 4 other girls before he was finally expelled. I'm so sad that my dd at only 14 had to experience this but I'm glad she immediately told someone and also encouraged her friends who were staying quiet to do the same. I can't begin to count the times I was sexually assaulted as a teen or how many of my friends were raped and said nothing thinking it was their fault for getting in a cab alone or similar.

occa · 11/03/2021 00:21

Yes I'm surprised they made the distinction of 'young' women. Surely this applies to nearly all women and plenty of girls as well?

WomenAreBornNotWorn · 11/03/2021 00:24

I was assaulted last year whilst working nights in a care home. By a male member of staff. He pushed me into a cupboard as I was picking out clothes to dress the lady we were tending to. I froze,but the lady who was bed bound and had dementia shouted at him "Leave her alone! Leave her alone!" She was brilliant!. I complained about it to management but nothing was done.

alexdgr8 · 11/03/2021 00:34

somebody who assaults fellow workers, should not be tending to vulnerable people.
what's the guessing he hasn't assaulted some of them.
i think you need to report it further, ? care quality commission.

FantasySeven · 11/03/2021 00:42

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DarcyJack · 11/03/2021 00:43

Not just young women either nor is this a recent phenomenon. DM who is 83 was sexually assaulted by her boss at work when she was 16. I'm 59 and each and every time I am out running some (at best) cheeky chappie says something smart. 'Can I help you out of those wet clothes?' 'Nice arse' 'Smile love it might...' I have also been smacked on the bottom. Wankers.

FantasySeven · 11/03/2021 00:46

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334bu · 11/03/2021 00:53

Yes men do get harassed on occasions and may well understand the humiliation women feel. However, what they will never experience is the fear experienced by women trying to get past a crowd of leering young men in a quiet street, the fear felt when being pursued down a street by a strange man and the fear that comes from the knowledge that if a man wants to hurt you there is nothing you can do about it.

daisyjgrey · 11/03/2021 01:12

@AngelaMerkelEyeRoll

This is heartbreaking and unsurprising. Access to online porn has a lot to do with increased male sexual entitlement I think.

Hmmm, possibly.

Although I don't know anyone who hasn't been assaulted one way or another, and all experienced it for the first time around the 11/12 mark, which was before the internet was a thing...

DumpedByText · 11/03/2021 01:39

I was touched by a neighbour when I was 12, I was too embarrassed to tell my parents.

I'm now 51 and two years ago me and two friends went out for a drink and all three of us were touched or harassed by men. We were either stood at the bar or sat at a table, minding our own business yet men thought it was ok to harass us. We just accepted it which we shouldn't have to.

Even worse my 13 year old daughter had sexually inappropriate comments made to her in school and she was terrified of this boy. I complained and to be fair to the school it was investigated and he was suspended. But then his friends made her life hell calling her a snitch and frigid. She moved registration class (she wanted to) and he's left her alone, but he's now doing it to other girls.

I don't understand why we have to put up with this shit and where does a 13 year old boy learn to treat girls like this.

GrimSisters · 11/03/2021 01:53

As a tiny, childlike 14 year old, I was frequently harassed and 'dry humped' by the (married father of 4) chef at the pub I worked in. Used to dread having to get anything out of the chest freezer.
I remember the feeling of the hands of rich, braying Eton 'educated' young men groping their way up my skirt as I cleared their plates.
Just 'banter'.

GrimSisters · 11/03/2021 01:56

That's before even thinking about the two occasions I've been raped and many occasions I've been coerced into sex.
My daughter experienced her first 'buswanker' at 13. A kid younger than her - god knows what he'd been exposed to online.

ChameleonClara · 11/03/2021 01:57

This was one of those 'no shit' news stories. During Me Too I had so many conversations with men who were surprised it happened so widely. Do they live under rocks? I think they just kid themselves.

Liquorishtoffee · 11/03/2021 08:11

R4 now!!

Chimeraforce · 11/03/2021 08:21

Not surprising.
I'm sad that it hasn't changed since I was being harassed 35 years ago.
When I think back it was everywhere I went. Disgusting that those men thought it perfectly acceptable to catcall, kerb crawl, reverse along the toad, touch my bottom whilst behind me, call me a stuck up lesbian bitch when I ignored them. Thats just a tiny sample which I was bombarded with from 13 to 25.
So glad I'm ignored now and really feel for young women (I'm sure they find it patronising, I know they can take care of themselves). I worry for my daughter. Male attention can be fucking damaging.
All the recent violent female deaths are adding to my sadness rage and frustration. Will it ever change?

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/03/2021 08:24

@stumbledin

AS far as I can make out the article is based on this survey, but (maybe because it is a bit late at night) I can make any sense of it Blush

But in case anyone is interested docs.cdn.yougov.com/qepiqi9xaf/YouGov%20Sexual%20harassment.pdf

I wonder if there is a survey from 70s or 80s asking women their experience of sexual harassment to be able to do a comparison.

I don't think the term 'sexual harassment' was even known, it would be flirting, probably, or molesting if it went even further.
CaptainMyCaptain · 11/03/2021 08:26

@GrimSisters

That's before even thinking about the two occasions I've been raped and many occasions I've been coerced into sex. My daughter experienced her first 'buswanker' at 13. A kid younger than her - god knows what he'd been exposed to online.
To be fair they'd probably been watching the Inbetweeners although it must have been horrible for your daughter who wouldn't have known the context. (I'm not saying it's Ok but I don't think it was porn related.)
Floisme · 11/03/2021 08:39

I don't think the term 'sexual harassment' was even known, it would be flirting, probably, or molesting if it went even further.

And if you objected it was because you had no sense of humour.

Bordois · 11/03/2021 08:42

I think she means a kid literally having a walk on the bus - nothing to do with the inbetweeners phrase

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