Guardian seems to notice mothers are a bit tired

[ArabellaScott]

Looks like a good article (no time to read it, IRONICALLY) which refers to a recent MN survey.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/28/mums-women-coronavirus-covid-home-schooling-inequality?fbclid=IwAR0ww0pLwWSAINIzzCbCEI68TwHBNWGh6e7eyVYJDUW1w3u3VzkrI-VY2pQ

'We need to reclaim a materialist feminism that isn’t afraid to talk about parenting, pay and poverty, a feminism that seeks change, not accommodation to the status quo. We have to learn from this crisis. It has reminded us that, under a flimsy carapace, women are still poorer and still less powerful than men. It has exposed to us that women are still doing most of the caring in a society that doesn’t value care. It’s reminded us that we need urgency and solidarity if we are to make change. And it’s reminded us that change is way overdue.'

I saw this article posted on another thread and agreed it was good (for a Guardian one) - it also reaffirms the need to ensure ‘woman’ can still be defined doesn’t it. If the consequences of the burden of care falling to women needs to be discussed then we need to ensure the definition of ‘woman’ is still clear, accepted and legally upheld.

(I grumbled about it on the other thread too though - is it just me who finds the use of a Warhol style cartoon woman as the accompanying image slightly annoying? Felt like it slightly trivialised the depiction of a woman’s feelings in what is a serious article).

There was also an article about women's prisons , how female offending is different to males ....

Am I the only cynic who thinks that the TRAs are staying away from this one?

How many trans women do you think are doing all the homeschooling? Or “dreaming” about doing all the homeschooling...?

also this good article about women in prison
yet STILL no bloody mention of the HoL decision

I'd say that was more Lichtenstein-esque than Warhol, YouSet.

As per, everyone knows who the women are when they want bums wiped. But they still don't seem to think we deserve our own words.

Oh hec, a third article in the guardian which manages to notice sex, apparently HRT helps older women avoid the worst long covid effects

@CoffeeTeaChocolate

Am I the only cynic who thinks that the TRAs are staying away from this one?

How many trans women do you think are doing all the homeschooling? Or “dreaming” about doing all the homeschooling...?

@ArabellaScott

I'd say that was more Lichtenstein-esque than Warhol, YouSet.

As per, everyone knows who the women are when they want bums wiped. But they still don't seem to think we deserve our own words.

Aargh! Yes, of course you’re right! Blaming that on the rushing around and typing without carefully thinking..

StillWe, that is a good, bold article on women's prisons. Yet manages to swerve the impact of crime being recorded by self-declared sex, which will quickly have a big impact on the stats.

This is a great article. Progress has been papering over the cracks in a deeply unequal society - that's exactly it.

I think we will need to state and restate this viewpoint as the govt progresses with its review of social care. I heard something on the radio about exempting housing from care home fee assessments, as long as the families commit to do everything they can to keep elderly people able to live at home. Who do you think is going to end up doing that enviable job? I can tell you that in my family it won't be the husbands/sons. Women will be fucked over, again, just as their careers start to recover from the childrearing years.

Good article.

Much of this is still steeped in a stereotypical idea of men bringing home the money and women house keeping.

When I went part time but had kids I felt like Dh mentally switched off house work wise. He seems to see weekends for absolutely nothing but relaxing. In reality I'd only dropped two days of work. During which the extra nappies and shopping and mess was enough to fill it.

I think it's as much to do with the (probably) careful and deliberate non-valuing of women's contributions.

I found it absurd that I would receive nothing whatsoever for looking after my child, but if I put him in nursery for 30 hours a week and looked after someone else's, I'd be paid for it, for example.

I think women's and mothers' roles need to be fully and properly acknowledged. I don't know if paying mothers would make sense, but we can't go on pretending that all of this care and time and effort and fucking hard work (hardest work I've ever done, and I've had many jobs in many different industries) just is magically wafted about by invisible, compliant, ever-complacent women who require no consideration, thought, support or recompense.

I remember a few years ago the grandparents of Spain went on strike, recognising quite rightly that the economy relied on them providing masses of unpaid childcare.

It's a great article. They could have chosen a better photo/picture to give the headline more gravitas, even it is in the Guardian.
I find myself leaning towards press (Daily Mail) and political figures (Conservative/Republican in the US) on women's rights now. I would vehemently disagree with them in other parts of my life but the other parties Labour/Lib Dem just are in wilful ignorance of what is going on.

"This is a scary time for women’s rights."

Indeed. Great article. Natasha Walter is a proper old school feminist and her book Living Dolls is a great book about the toxic hyper sexualised world our daughters are growing up in

@ArabellaScott

I think it's as much to do with the (probably) careful and deliberate non-valuing of women's contributions.

I found it absurd that I would receive nothing whatsoever for looking after my child, but if I put him in nursery for 30 hours a week and looked after someone else's, I'd be paid for it, for example.

I think women's and mothers' roles need to be fully and properly acknowledged. I don't know if paying mothers would make sense, but we can't go on pretending that all of this care and time and effort and fucking hard work (hardest work I've ever done, and I've had many jobs in many different industries) just is magically wafted about by invisible, compliant, ever-complacent women who require no consideration, thought, support or recompense.

I remember a few years ago the grandparents of Spain went on strike, recognising quite rightly that the economy relied on them providing masses of unpaid childcare.

I have mentioned this before on FWR - actually I think it was a few months ago when we were discussing how women were bearing the brunt of homeschooling etc.

Feminism has failed women by devaluing the work and the utter amazingness (made up new word to describe my feeling) of motherhood. SO, women who were supported by 1970's feminists were the ones who 'escaped" motherhood and housework and found freedom in being the exact same as men.

But of course, this does not reflect the reality of women's lives, especially the women who have children. And by devaluing motherhood and caring for others (ie elderly parents etc), women have lost out.

We need to fight back and reclaim mothering as being a feminist cause.

Oh, and in case any of you think I believe women should be "mothering" and fathers should be working, no I 100% DO NOT believe this. I am constantly dismayed at the uselessness of most fathers that I know (all the dads where I live, although most are WFH - NONE are doing the homeschooling - it is the wives, who are also WFH, who are caring for the DC during daylight hours and then logging on at night to work. The exception bring my amazing BIL who is minding the child and getting up early to work and then logging on when my DSis is finished her day).

There is a study to be done, by feminists who understand biology, on the impact of this pandemic on the lives of women, particularly the lives of mothers.

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

Yes, I agrre.

We had a bit of an argument about housework this weekend as we cancelled our cleaner last year.

When I was looking for ideas to solve our impasse, I read a thing about how, in traditional set ups, but with perhaps mum also working full or part time, women's time often isn't as valued as much as men's. A hangover from older stereotyped times. Not just the roles but the "free" time too.

I do feel Dh feels he has a right to do nothing more often than I do, and doesn't "see" the amount of tiny detail workload that I do, to do with house and kids. We have a toddler though so everything is a bit harder with a toddler.

I totally agree about the invisibility of caring work. Obviously the pandemic has brought out the childcare side, but caring is another one that is all but ignored.

To get carers allowance you need to provide 35 hours care a week which cannot be overnight. It's paid at £67 a week so less than £2 an hour. When it was first brought in married women weren't eligible as it was just seen as women's duties to provide care to extended family.

We need to fight back and reclaim mothering as being a feminist cause.

Yes, agree. Has there already been a feminist movement centering mothers? My knowledge of feminist history/theory is embarrassingly patchy.

I see an awful lot of men who work all week and then go out, or go away for the weekend as that's their 'down time', leaving wife/partner to look after children ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I couldn't have mentally coped with this, even if I had a partner selfish enough to think that childcare wasn't work and his wife/partner didn't ever need a break.

And sorry, yes, Molten, the 'sandwich generation' thing is a laugh, as I would say almost all of that responsibility for caring for children and/or parents falls to women.

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

Steady on, you might get a 'jolly good show' from Boris.

It's phenomenal. As if women could absorb all the stress and problems of the world and just somehow [waves hands] make it all okay. As if we have some magic time pot (to adapt a phrase) to dish out to our families, employers, friends, everyone.

I mean, I know women are amazing. But we're still human. That really doesn't seem to register, somehow. All the thought given to business sectors, economy, etc.

What has there been provided for women, for mothers? Anything? Anything, at all?

I see an awful lot of men who work all week and then go out, or go away for the weekend as that's their 'down time', leaving wife/partner to look after children ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Yes. And taking up hobbies that require a huge amount of time out of the house.

I did all that before kids. For some reason he decided to take up long distance cycling after kids thankfully reigned it in after a good few chats about how unfair it was.

By all means I couldn't care less when the kids are older, occasionally away, as I can also go away.

But knee deep in nappies, alone for a full weekend, many times a year, after I'd gone back to work and was drowning, nope.

knee deep in nappies, alone for a full weekend, many times a year, after I'd gone back to work and was drowning, nope

It's hard, too, because I think this can be something that only reveals itself after you've had children.

If a mother just left, and one counted up the cost of replacing a 24 hour a day on call nanny/cook/cleaner/PA, etc. It would be expensive. Very expensive. Women are kept hostage by love and guilt.

@ArabellaScott

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

Steady on, you might get a 'jolly good show' from Boris.

It's phenomenal. As if women could absorb all the stress and problems of the world and just somehow [waves hands] make it all okay. As if we have some magic time pot (to adapt a phrase) to dish out to our families, employers, friends, everyone.

I mean, I know women are amazing. But we're still human. That really doesn't seem to register, somehow. All the thought given to business sectors, economy, etc.

What has there been provided for women, for mothers? Anything? Anything, at all?

Totally agree. And I know we’re just talking about women but it’s been the same for children too. ‘They’ll be fine. They’ll bounce back...’ Women and children have both been put in a box together ‘sort it all out, you’ll all be fine..’

It’s not just stereotypes either. It’s down to sex too. I typed a long post about it and lost it and now I have to go back to the home schooling.

I had in interesting discussion with a ex teacher friend who has two girls and had to leave her abusive partner.

She'd also lost her career as had become a sahm as they agreed he could earn more if he really focused on his career (hcp and was involved in setting up out of hours services) than if they both worked. She wanted to do this and saw it as teamwork.

Fast forward 10 years and he's financially and verbally abusing her and she has to get out. Thankfully Manages to become a part time HLTA (felt she couldn't be a teacher yet due to how much time it sucks)

Her daughter was going to careers fairs etc. And talking about careers at school. And my friend felt she had to point out that if any of them want to have kids, they have to think about how that would work financially and career wise. But it's not mentioned at school.

It would be good if there was a lot of work around relationships, families and careers that makes more boys (and girls tbh, I thought it was all straightforward) think about life choices and what they actually mean. And women's unpaid work is recognised.