Guardian seems to notice mothers are a bit tired

[ArabellaScott]

Looks like a good article (no time to read it, IRONICALLY) which refers to a recent MN survey.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/28/mums-women-coronavirus-covid-home-schooling-inequality?fbclid=IwAR0ww0pLwWSAINIzzCbCEI68TwHBNWGh6e7eyVYJDUW1w3u3VzkrI-VY2pQ

'We need to reclaim a materialist feminism that isn’t afraid to talk about parenting, pay and poverty, a feminism that seeks change, not accommodation to the status quo. We have to learn from this crisis. It has reminded us that, under a flimsy carapace, women are still poorer and still less powerful than men. It has exposed to us that women are still doing most of the caring in a society that doesn’t value care. It’s reminded us that we need urgency and solidarity if we are to make change. And it’s reminded us that change is way overdue.'

[jules0607]

Our support groups are being infiltrated & woke women are allowing this to happen

[ArabellaScott]

No, you're quite right, Inebriati.

[Thelnebriati]

"Young women are becoming trapped in traditional roles at home and neglecting education, finds charity"

Am I the only one that find the phrasing off, as if girls are deliberately neglecting their education instead of being robbed of the opportunity?

[ArabellaScott]

@merrymouse

*"Young women are becoming trapped in traditional roles at home and neglecting education, finds charity
"*

Surely they mean identifying with traditional roles at home?

Indeed. Maybe this is 'gender expression' rather than 'gender identity', though.

[Annasgirl]

@BraveBananaBadge

"Girls and young women aged between 14 and 24 are taking responsibility for the majority of household chores during the pandemic, leaving them less time to focus on their education, according to a new survey."

Once again, the Guardian miraculously seems to be able to identify who's who when it comes to doing the donkey work...

[[https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/03/girls-doing-more-housework-in-covid-lockdown-than-boys?CMP=Share]]iOSAppp_Other

Yes Brave, I wonder how many teenage boys are identifying as teenage girls, so that they can do housework instead of study

[merrymouse]

"Young women are becoming trapped in traditional roles at home and neglecting education, finds charity
"

Surely they mean identifying with traditional roles at home?

[BraveBananaBadge]

"Girls and young women aged between 14 and 24 are taking responsibility for the majority of household chores during the pandemic, leaving them less time to focus on their education, according to a new survey."

Once again, the Guardian miraculously seems to be able to identify who's who when it comes to doing the donkey work...

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/03/girls-doing-more-housework-in-covid-lockdown-than-boys?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

[ArabellaScott]

Hmm. Maybe for Mother's Day we should all strike.

And for International Women's Day.

[TheABC]

The problem is until we stop doing it, the cost of caring/juggling/housework will continue to be hidden.

Perhaps we need to go on strike, as Iceland did?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34602822

[merrymouse]

I love this paragraph:

Whatever the setup is, the husband gets away with less. You hear: ‘My husband is self-employed, so he won’t get paid if he doesn’t work, so I’ll do the home school.’ But also: ‘I’m self-employed, so I can be flexible, I’ll do the home school.’ ‘My business folded due to the lockdown so I can home school.’ But also: ‘My husband lost his job, so he needs to look for work.’ What’s going on?”

[ArabellaScott]

www.funkypigeon.com/blog/parent-salary-calculator/

[ArabellaScott]

www.salary.com/articles/mother-salary/

paywalled, sadly

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/11164040/How-much-is-a-housewife-worth.html

This article has a calculator according to area/region

www.motherdistracted.co.uk/2019/03/how-much-is-a-stay-at-home-mum-worth.html

And ... I have neglected my homeschooling and work jobs to write this post. Gah.

[WarriorN]

If a mother just left, and one counted up the cost of replacing a 24 hour a day on call nanny/cook/cleaner/PA, etc. It would be expensive. Very expensive. Women are kept hostage by love and guilt.

Yes I think that's it. (He stopped all that!) but as I teach he views the holidays as my "free" time, and yet I need to point out that if I wasn't teaching, we'd have to fork out for child care. (We do have to a bit as I often need to spend some days in the hols working.)

[WarriorN]

I had in interesting discussion with a ex teacher friend who has two girls and had to leave her abusive partner.

She'd also lost her career as had become a sahm as they agreed he could earn more if he really focused on his career (hcp and was involved in setting up out of hours services) than if they both worked. She wanted to do this and saw it as teamwork.

Fast forward 10 years and he's financially and verbally abusing her and she has to get out. Thankfully Manages to become a part time HLTA (felt she couldn't be a teacher yet due to how much time it sucks)

Her daughter was going to careers fairs etc. And talking about careers at school. And my friend felt she had to point out that if any of them want to have kids, they have to think about how that would work financially and career wise. But it's not mentioned at school.

It would be good if there was a lot of work around relationships, families and careers that makes more boys (and girls tbh, I thought it was all straightforward) think about life choices and what they actually mean. And women's unpaid work is recognised.

[YouSetTheTone]

@ArabellaScott

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

Steady on, you might get a 'jolly good show' from Boris.

It's phenomenal. As if women could absorb all the stress and problems of the world and just somehow [waves hands] make it all okay. As if we have some magic time pot (to adapt a phrase) to dish out to our families, employers, friends, everyone.

I mean, I know women are amazing. But we're still human. That really doesn't seem to register, somehow. All the thought given to business sectors, economy, etc.

What has there been provided for women, for mothers? Anything? Anything, at all?

Totally agree. And I know we’re just talking about women but it’s been the same for children too. ‘They’ll be fine. They’ll bounce back...’
Women and children have both been put in a box together ‘sort it all out, you’ll all be fine..’

It’s not just stereotypes either. It’s down to sex too. I typed a long post about it and lost it and now I have to go back to the home schooling.

[ArabellaScott]

knee deep in nappies, alone for a full weekend, many times a year, after I'd gone back to work and was drowning, nope



It's hard, too, because I think this can be something that only reveals itself after you've had children.

If a mother just left, and one counted up the cost of replacing a 24 hour a day on call nanny/cook/cleaner/PA, etc. It would be expensive. Very expensive. Women are kept hostage by love and guilt.

[WarriorN]

By all means I couldn't care less when the kids are older, occasionally away, as I can also go away.

But knee deep in nappies, alone for a full weekend, many times a year, after I'd gone back to work and was drowning, nope.

[WarriorN]

I see an awful lot of men who work all week and then go out, or go away for the weekend as that's their 'down time', leaving wife/partner to look after children ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Yes. And taking up hobbies that require a huge amount of time out of the house.

I did all that before kids. For some reason he decided to take up long distance cycling after kids thankfully reigned it in after a good few chats about how unfair it was.

[ArabellaScott]

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

Steady on, you might get a 'jolly good show' from Boris.

It's phenomenal. As if women could absorb all the stress and problems of the world and just somehow [waves hands] make it all okay. As if we have some magic time pot (to adapt a phrase) to dish out to our families, employers, friends, everyone.

I mean, I know women are amazing. But we're still human. That really doesn't seem to register, somehow. All the thought given to business sectors, economy, etc.

What has there been provided for women, for mothers? Anything? Anything, at all?

[ArabellaScott]

And sorry, yes, Molten, the 'sandwich generation' thing is a laugh, as I would say almost all of that responsibility for caring for children and/or parents falls to women.

[ArabellaScott]

We need to fight back and reclaim mothering as being a feminist cause.

Yes, agree. Has there already been a feminist movement centering mothers? My knowledge of feminist history/theory is embarrassingly patchy.

I see an awful lot of men who work all week and then go out, or go away for the weekend as that's their 'down time', leaving wife/partner to look after children ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I couldn't have mentally coped with this, even if I had a partner selfish enough to think that childcare wasn't work and his wife/partner didn't ever need a break.

[MoltenLasagne]

I totally agree about the invisibility of caring work. Obviously the pandemic has brought out the childcare side, but caring is another one that is all but ignored.

To get carers allowance you need to provide 35 hours care a week which cannot be overnight. It's paid at £67 a week so less than £2 an hour. When it was first brought in married women weren't eligible as it was just seen as women's duties to provide care to extended family.

[WarriorN]

Yes, I agrre.

We had a bit of an argument about housework this weekend as we cancelled our cleaner last year.

When I was looking for ideas to solve our impasse, I read a thing about how, in traditional set ups, but with perhaps mum also working full or part time, women's time often isn't as valued as much as men's. A hangover from older stereotyped times. Not just the roles but the "free" time too.

I do feel Dh feels he has a right to do nothing more often than I do, and doesn't "see" the amount of tiny detail workload that I do, to do with house and kids. We have a toddler though so everything is a bit harder with a toddler.

[Annasgirl]

@ArabellaScott

I think it's as much to do with the (probably) careful and deliberate non-valuing of women's contributions.

I found it absurd that I would receive nothing whatsoever for looking after my child, but if I put him in nursery for 30 hours a week and looked after someone else's, I'd be paid for it, for example.

I think women's and mothers' roles need to be fully and properly acknowledged. I don't know if paying mothers would make sense, but we can't go on pretending that all of this care and time and effort and fucking hard work (hardest work I've ever done, and I've had many jobs in many different industries) just is magically wafted about by invisible, compliant, ever-complacent women who require no consideration, thought, support or recompense.

I remember a few years ago the grandparents of Spain went on strike, recognising quite rightly that the economy relied on them providing masses of unpaid childcare.

I have mentioned this before on FWR - actually I think it was a few months ago when we were discussing how women were bearing the brunt of homeschooling etc.

Feminism has failed women by devaluing the work and the utter amazingness (made up new word to describe my feeling) of motherhood. SO, women who were supported by 1970's feminists were the ones who 'escaped" motherhood and housework and found freedom in being the exact same as men.

But of course, this does not reflect the reality of women's lives, especially the women who have children. And by devaluing motherhood and caring for others (ie elderly parents etc), women have lost out.

We need to fight back and reclaim mothering as being a feminist cause.

Oh, and in case any of you think I believe women should be "mothering" and fathers should be working, no I 100% DO NOT believe this. I am constantly dismayed at the uselessness of most fathers that I know (all the dads where I live, although most are WFH - NONE are doing the homeschooling - it is the wives, who are also WFH, who are caring for the DC during daylight hours and then logging on at night to work. The exception bring my amazing BIL who is minding the child and getting up early to work and then logging on when my DSis is finished her day).

There is a study to be done, by feminists who understand biology, on the impact of this pandemic on the lives of women, particularly the lives of mothers.

I keep talking about it to friends and family - how dare the government decide that I have to now homeschool my children and also work and also keep everyone's mental health going - and not a word of thanks or acknowledgement of the work I am doing. (and not just me, all of us, all over the world).

[Clymene]

"This is a scary time for women’s rights."

Indeed. Great article. Natasha Walter is a proper old school feminist and her book Living Dolls is a great book about the toxic hyper sexualised world our daughters are growing up in