Single man looking for a surrogate - BBC

[OhHolyJesus]

At 34 he really doesn't need to rush to have a biological child to meet his "burning desire" but he has two embryos on ice with an attractive-sounding egg donor, rather than a partner and I'm sure he hopes the BBC article will mean someone 'comes forward' (don't all rush at once ladies) to grow a "little person" for him.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-56162721

So women need to grow and deliver babies, and possibly risk their lives for:

Infertile heterosexual couples
Gay men
Single men

...and someone will be along to say this is discriminatory against single women with careers soon, thus the new age of social surrogacy is born.

Yep, all a little too Handmaid’s for me.

Was it this one rawal?

Surrogacy expensive www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/4160303-Surrogacy-expensive

Other recent threads which had posters looking for a surrogate mother on Mumsnet were quickly deleted.

I’ve just read the article:

There are a range of ways you can do it, not just surrogacy. There's co-parenting or adoption, but I have a deep burning desire for a biological child.

Co-parenting is a way of having a biological child. You’re parenting a child with another person, usually the other biological parent. You’re just not in a romantic relationship with your co-parent.

I do feel for anyone who wants children and is experiencing infertility but surrogacy is any circumstance is a hard no for me. Having children is neither a need nor a right.

Having body autonomy and the ability to make an informed choice is a privilege many women do not have. I'd rather protect those women than give already privileged people the opportunity to exploit women and use them as gestation machines.

Me too Jurrassic but I am wary of using the term 'infertility' for a single man or woman or a same-sex couple.

It's not infertility, more just missing baby-making biology. The mis-use or words or changing definitions or meanings of words leads to all kinds of problems

Careful now. Some surrogacy campaigners, such as Lance Black, argue that making surrogacy agreements legally binding in the UK would protect both the surrogate mother and the commissioning parents. The commissioning parents wouldn’t be able to back out, no, but neither would the surrogate mother. In parts of the US, the commissioning parents can have “parental rights” over their unborn children, even though they are inside the surrogate mother’s body

Oh have they figured out how to avoid HELLP, mirror syndrome, OI t2, pre term birth , pre eclampsia and all the other stuff that may result in a pregnant woman needing to terminate a pregnancy or deliver dangerously early to save her own life leaving 2 parents who don't want a disabled baby or 6 months in scubu spending months trying to get out of it all? How selfish they haven't shared the secrets with the rest of the world...

How wonderful the solution is to literally legislate a womans body like that...

my body, my choice

The absolute worst of liberal feminism distilled right there.

I care about the bodies of women who are being trafficked, exploited, cut and discarded. My body is not being treated this way, but under current legislation and social norms, other women's are. I care about them. What about them?

And yes, as pp said, what about the child's rights? The trauma of being taken from their birth mother seems only applicable in discussions around adoption but suddenly it's ok when it is surrogacy?

There's a line that needs to be drawn. Having a biological child is not a right. And using the bodies of other women in order to gratify your urges is despicable.

@drivenmadbyhomeschool

Women are not incubators. They are women, humans, people. As are the babies they produce (or they are boys obviously, 50% of the time).

Not for hire.

End of discussion for me, whoever they're doing it for.

It's funny I used to think of surrogacy as a nice thing to do, generous and giving. Until I really read about it and looked into it, and also had my own children. Now I think it's awful. It shouldn't be allowed at all.

I'm exactly the same. I want to see it banned worldwide.

@OhHolyJesus

Was it this one rawal?

Surrogacy expensive www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/4160303-Surrogacy-expensive

Other recent threads which had posters looking for a surrogate mother on Mumsnet were quickly deleted.

Yes, there was a Gay couple on MN not long ago looking for a surrogate. Quite rightly got told to F off by posters before the thread getting deleted

I wonder how he would feel if his little 'mini me' predominantly had the features and characteristics of the egg donor?

I wonder how he would feel if his little 'mini me' predominantly had the features and characteristics of the egg donor?

Don't they usually implant 2 or maybe 3 embryos ? A single man wonder how he would feel about twins or triplets...

Men buying babies is just so wrong on every level.

Are there any checks when you use a surrogate? I know fertility clinics check financial and emotionally stability before treatment. Remortgaging your home when you have no fertility issues and are not too old to father a to child naturally seems an extreme thing to do.

And once again, the BBC is demonstrating it is no longer fit for purpose as it has dropped all pretence at impartiality.

Why doesn't he adopt, take a child out of care or find a woman who wants a child to co-parent with. Though he does seem delusional, remortgaging at 34 to buy a baby, unethical, unwise and shortsighted.

Yes, I wonder about the checks. Surely using a surrogate via a company has the same strict checks as adoption?

The issue is that it's easier for women as sperm donation is a non-invasive procedure. Surrogacy and egg donation OTOH carries a lot of risks. I personally think these should be banned.
Also in my opinion the majority of people who go for these options rather than adopt ony want to fulfil their own selfish and narcissistic desire of having a 'mini-them' made in their own image. Why not adopt?
Also gay couples by nature cannot have a child with each other. This is not 'fertility treatment' because there is nothing to treat. As a bisexual woman - I had always been determined to adopt had I ended up with another woman. All I wanted was a child to love and nurture, I did not care whose blood ran in his/her veins.

There’s a segment today (Wed 24 Feb) on woman’s hour about this issue. Speaking to a single man who used a surrogate to have a child. BBC really pushing this issue at the moment.

@Iamanaubergine

There’s a segment today (Wed 24 Feb) on woman’s hour about this issue. Speaking to a single man who used a surrogate to have a child. BBC really pushing this issue at the moment.

As soon as self ID was scrapped, surrogacy took the fore.

You have decide whether you agree with surrogacy or not. You can’t say “it’s okay for a gay couple or rich infertile heterosexual couple or a single infertile woman to use a surrogate” but say it’s wrong for a straight man to use a surrogate.

Good job I wouldn't have been trading it for anything then isn't it?

Emotional reward? Sense of self-worth? Glowing praise from a man like in the OP? Expenses paid? Even in the case of genuine true altruism, and genuine body autonomy, this ignores the huge iceberg of exploitation below the surface that this type of attitude disguises. And treats a baby as a gift, to be bundled up and packaged like a birthday present, instead of a human being with their owns rights and needs.

All surrogacy should be banned.

Are surrogate pregnancies more risky than other pregnancies then? Why?

@Iamanaubergine

There’s a segment today (Wed 24 Feb) on woman’s hour about this issue. Speaking to a single man who used a surrogate to have a child. BBC really pushing this issue at the moment.

Segment is on Woman’s Hour now

Ugh, this man on Woman's Hour.

What an arse.

Didn't engage in the criticisms made online about deliberately depriving a baby of a mother because 'they wouldn't say it to his face'.

Compelling argument, mate. What about when the child is old enough to ask him that to his face?

Just listening now. He's referring to the less positive comments he's received as toxic. Interesting that he thinks in these terms rather than seeing them as alternative to his own and perfectly valid.

The mother, describing the birth, sounded like she was suppressing huge emotion.

'The baby was put straight onto David's chest. We waited while the cord emptied.' (Pause... big sigh...) 'And then they went home.'

But still, would she do it again? 'Absolutely. Someone else's happiness is our happiness.' Again, said in that slightly resigned tone.

Very uncomfortable listening.

@NotBadConsidering

Good job I wouldn't have been trading it for anything then isn't it?

Emotional reward? Sense of self-worth? Glowing praise from a man like in the OP? Expenses paid? Even in the case of genuine true altruism, and genuine body autonomy, this ignores the huge iceberg of exploitation below the surface that this type of attitude disguises. And treats a baby as a gift, to be bundled up and packaged like a birthday present, instead of a human being with their owns rights and needs.

All surrogacy should be banned.

Surrogacy is wrong and should be banned, no matter who the recipient will be. Nordic Model Now! opened my eyes on this issue, it is so worth checking them out.