My night just ended with me crying in the bathroom over JK Rowling

[Vespa1]

This thread is mostly a vent and searching for post of support because I feel like crap.

My flat mate and I couldn't sleep so we were in bathroom planning how to redo it soon. Somehow the conversation turned to Harry Potter and he said "JK Rowling... what a terf!"

I said I can't believe he just said that and asked him did he read her essay. He said he did not, only her tweets.

So I told him what she said about her being a domestic violence survivor and how that affects the way she feels when she is in an intimate space with a man and I told him about her saying she thinks the rise in teen girls transitioning is motivated by misogyny and I told him I agree with her because of my personal experiences with male violence and how I would have probably transitioned too if it was a thing when I was a teen. I started crying while saying that because it triggered my experience with male violence.

He said that makes sense and that he agrees. He said he's sorry and that he will read the full essay. He said it shows there is no such thing as nuanced conversations on twitter and that is why he deleted twitter recently.

I know I should feel better that he apologized and agreed but it really bothers me how quick men are to brand women the slurs like terf. I asked him does he even knows what that means and when he said he does I asked him does he know what radical feminist means. There was a two minutes silence before admitting he doesn't have a clue.

So why are you branding her something that you don't even know what it is?

Arghhh rant over. When this nonsense ends the same people will pretend they agreed with her from the start.

@Alexandernevermind

I sometimes wonder about the label TERF. It's obviously intended as an insult, but is it really a bad thing?

TERF is the 2021 equivalent of the seventies “bra burning women’s libber” label that anyone raising and challenging ideas about equality, equal pay, work parity in the workforce, objections to street comments and catcalling, groping, sexist remarks, page three, naked women on calendars etc etc was called.

It’s a way of covering an issue with a fire blanket in the hope the fire gets put out without having to think of rational arguments that justify the attitude. Didn’t work then, won’t work now. Keep burning!

I see what you are saying Viques but were the “bra burning women’s libbers” on the receiving end of brutally violent rape and death threats on such a regular basis as the proposed modern day equivalent?

@DaisiesandButtercups

I see what you are saying Viques but were the “bra burning women’s libbers” on the receiving end of brutally violent rape and death threats on such a regular basis as the proposed modern day equivalent?

No, but frequent low level sexual innuendo, blue jokes, personal remarks, comparisons to naked breasted models all made face to face by people you have to see and work with every day rather than threats mediated through a screen are just as distressing.

Yes it certainly does sound distressing and I imagine these are similar types of men but since the behaviours you describe are not generally socially acceptable face to face anymore the perpetrators anger has moved online into graphically violent imagery. Backlash at losing the previous control they had over women in the public sphere through the likes of innuendo, page 3, put downs and sexual harassment.

@DaisiesandButtercups

Yes it certainly does sound distressing and I imagine these are similar types of men but since the behaviours you describe are not generally socially acceptable face to face anymore the perpetrators anger has moved online into graphically violent imagery. Backlash at losing the previous control they had over women in the public sphere through the likes of innuendo, page 3, put downs and sexual harassment.

Which is sort of what I said.

Yes Lol! apologies I am being slow on the uptake atm.