Concerning tweet from a mum of a disabled child regarding their care at school.

[yourhairiswinterfire]

mobile.twitter.com/Womankind15/status/1323621958886580224

I've looked for a thread but couldn't see if this has been posted. The mum of a disabled child that attends a special needs school has been contacted to say that parents no longer have the right to request a same sex staff member help their child with their intimate care, and the school have removed the "cross gender" consent part from their policy.

Because the school wants to be diverse

Someone please tell me this isn't legal. This absolutely can't be legal.

Sorry, I'm blocked for some reason.

There is no right to the same sex but changing their policy doesn't mean they can ignore the childs right to dignity. Had she checked there is any change in the person delivering the care?. There should be a discussion about who it is and I would expect the same sex.

We don't specific any sex in our intimate care policies because any decision is based on agreement with all. what might be acceptable to one child and parent is different to another family.

The child (and parent acting on their behalf) has an absolute right to refuse intimate care from anyone - including cross-sex carers if they wish. Ignoring this would be criminal assault.

Surely it’s sex not gender. Children need the best care for them - and if they/their parent feels that a carer of the same sex is the best for the child then how can they say ‘I’m not telling’?

@Aesopfable

The child (and parent acting on their behalf) has an absolute right to refuse intimate care from anyone - including cross-sex carers if they wish. Ignoring this would be criminal assault.

I've just seen Baroness Nicholson has offered to help the mum. BN also replied to Transgender Trend who said as much, that it would be assault.

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

Surely it’s sex not gender. Children need the best care for them - and if they/their parent feels that a carer of the same sex is the best for the child then how can they say ‘I’m not telling’?

Yes, I think they mean sex but are using gender. I wonder whose guidance they've been reading...

Here's a screenshot of the letter, taken from the tweet.

That’s terrible. But are we sure the tweet is accurate? Her words in the tweet say parents can no longer request same sex carers for intimate care. But the image of the letter she posted merely says they’ve removed the cross-gender consent from their policy.

So, the part she posted doesn’t say that parents cannot request same sex carer? I’d like to see the actual policy because some schools do not allow cross gender care AT ALL so their policies wouldn’t have a cross gender consent in them either.

Yes, I think more info on this is needed, Plan.

@ThatIsNotMyUsername

Surely it’s sex not gender. Children need the best care for them - and if they/their parent feels that a carer of the same sex is the best for the child then how can they say ‘I’m not telling’?

If they don’t want to reveal that info then quite simply, they can’t do (that part of) the job! The child must come first FFS

That comment also says “to suit all” except it doesn’t suit the mother, so it’s a no go

I have a disabled child at special school. I would be kicking off like mad at this! As a parent of a special needs child you have to completely trust the school and the staff with your child. As soon as anything erodes that trust, the relationship is broken.
My child is non-verbal. She cannot tell me if anything is amiss. I have to trust the school is treating her properly in self-care tasks.

I would genuinely distrust the motives of whoever at the school thought this was an appropriate policy and would be flagging it up to the local safeguarding board.

According to the Twitter thread, that letter was written by the school safeguarding lead!

There's an update, I really feel for this woman and all the children at this school

twitter.com/womankind15/status/1323948950777434112?s=21

Here's a screenshot

[quote MrsSlocombesPussy]There's an update, I really feel for this woman and all the children at this school

twitter.com/womankind15/status/1323948950777434112?s=21[/quote]
Oh God, this is awful. Some children, as Deltoids pointed out, won't be able to communicate should anything happen :(

And staff refusing to disclose their gender, really They have no fucking right being around vulnerable children if they're not honest. How the hell does an adults feelings trump the needs of vulnerable children?

But gender is obvious as it seems to be merely a collection of stereotypes. Sex is a little harder to hide but still...

Not many men in jobs which provide personal care.
I’d be surprised if there’s enough for a same sex policy.
I can imagine the few men working in the school just spend all the time doing personal care.

My experience of working in a special school was roughly 75% of the pupils were male. And probably about 30% of the staff. So, although that's a lot more male staff than in a mainstream school, they did spend their time doing more personal care than the female staff.

We had several girls where sexual abuse (outside of school) was suspected but never proved. Depressingly common in this population.

It simply wouldn't have been physically safe for some of the female staff to provide personal care for some of the older male pupils. A change of gender ID would have made no difference.

I'm very surprised to hear about this school. The staff involved don't sound like the kind of people I worked with. It's such a full on environment. 100% about the kids. And a lot of safeguarding training.

Not sure how that works given that it's an adult you can legally refuse to hire a carer of the opposite sex to help with your personal care.

Whenever I’ve started a new job, a copy has been taken of my passport to prove right to work. Presumably this could also be used to determine sex in those who won’t disclose their gender?

This is awful. I've provided intimate care for non verbal children. Honestly I can't think of a more vulnerable group. We were a mixed sex staff team but we respected children's parent's beliefs and preferences. Mostly they didn't mind who provided care for their child but if they did we would respect that.

Lots of wonderful and caring gay men (maybe 20% of the staff) worked in both special needs schools that I taught at. So understand the need to be an inclusive employer. Overriding the reasonable requests of parents isn't being inclusive. I can't imagine any of my colleagues making such a stand when parents are just ensuring basic respect and dignity. I don't see why this is causing such an issue for the school. Surely any reasonable trans person or court would understand the need to respect requests for same sex care, and realise that the right to change a child's nappy or help them in the loo isn't a hill worth dying on and maybe isn't all about them.

Sorry realised my last post made it seem like I was conflating gay men and trans women. I wasn't intending that. More just that special needs schools have a diverse workforce. So I can imagine are likely to have trans employees.

@Coconutmeg

Not many men in jobs which provide personal care. I’d be surprised if there’s enough for a same sex policy. I can imagine the few men working in the school just spend all the time doing personal care.

That isn't my experience of special schools. Quite a high number of men. My class team was 50-50 male and female staff. Almost always each class would have at least one man and they did provide personal care as well as the women.

Anyone who places their own desires above those of a very vulnerable child should not be anywhere near that child.