Disappointed in dh female manager

[MrsKingfisher]

She's told dh that he can move tables and boxes etc 'because he's a man' dh is not impressed. It's also not even close to his job description.

I thought more women were over this type of stereotyping.

Is it a one-off thing that needed doing ? Or a regulaar part of the job ? I couldn't be getting in a flap about being asked to move some stuff as a once off, but if it were a regular thing it could be questionable

Has he had manual handling training?

Not even close to dh job but needed doing, is the female version of my dh not capable then given only he moved everything! There's a difference though isn't there if she'd have said 'would you do X' fine but saying 'you can do it because you're a man' if a man said 'you can make the tea because you're a woman' he'd be told where to shove it.

@NeutralJanet

Has he had manual handling training?

Doubtful because his job doesn't require he does this sort of thing usually.

i do object at work when they say "we need to get some of the lads to move x and y" - I don't particularly want to move stuff around but it should be a shared job. not "just men". Its an office job, none of us are employed to move things around as such.

I'm not sure I agree.
Given that men are generally substantially stronger than women, it makes sense for them to do a larger share of jobs that need strength. I've just helped my mum move house and seen guys do in a few seconds and with no visible effort things that were taking all my strength and concentration, taking ages, and leaving me flat.
As a woman I offer to help with fiddly tasks that need smaller hands.

I would say just that, I’ll move the boxes you can get the kettle on with a big

Meh, I ask the men do the heavy lifting in work (they generally do it without asking anyway). They're a lot stronger than me 🤷‍♀️ and I caused a whole load of work for my line manager last time I tried to move something heavy and injured myself 😂

It's tricky isn't it.

On the one hand you're absolutely right, it's shouldn't be as simple as "you men do the heavy lifting". (And it definitely shouldn't be just foisted on someone at work - that's how my dh managed to hurt his back a few years ago.)

On the other, men are usually more strong and muscly than women without even trying, there's no point pretending otherwise.

I don't think the kettle thing is analogous because men are capable of doing that as much as women. I'm sure there is an equivalent, I just can't think what it is.

I think if it’s a one-off it’s ok - especially if the things needing moving were heavy. It also depends who else was around to move them - ie was she saying it could only be a ‘man’s job’ even though there were plenty of women who could have done it? If so, that would be bad, but if not, I don’t think it would have bothered me.

Sometimes people season requests with little jokes, so perhaps she was just trying to be lighthearted and ironic?

we would all get the hump if we were told to MAKE THE TEA for a meeting as we were the sole female there (different if we were the most jumior person or if we were employed as receptionist)

Being told to lift things so heavy that a woman could not do it, is not really a sensible thing to do at work is it? Would need a few people to do, which could include men and women - someone needed to hold doors/work out how to get through the door at best angle. Unpack the desks to make easier to move. a team effort. Not just "some blokes"

one has to fight against gendered things like this a bit, even if it means you helping with the task.

(and at 6 foot tall, i am probably far stronger than some of the shorter men in our tech office)

" 'because he's a man' "

Not acceptable these days. Either sex should be more than capable of shifting some tables and boxes. If they were that heavy then they should have some removal people in. If he hasn't had the appropriate training it puts the employer at risk if he hurts himself. Also just because he's a man don't assume he's not got some other issue. My DH's friend looks fit and healthy but is weak down his left side following an accident when he was much younger, much more suited to making the tea than shifting furniture.

I wonder how much stereotyping this woman has been on the sharp end of, maybe on issues where there wasn't any conceivable inherent difference between her capabilities and a man's?

Sure, WDIT but get more castigation for it.

My husband can lift things better than me. I'm 5 foot tall, he's 6 foot and must stronger. I'm happy to lift what I can but he can physically lift much more than me. Some women are stronger than some men, but in general, men are larger and stronger. Obviously if your DH objects to lifting things as it's not his job he should raise this, but calling it sexist that he's being asked to in the first place is nonsense.

Making the tea is not remotely similar. Either sex is equally capable of making tea.

Things like this are what make people think feminism is a joke nowadays

Things like what? One woman - who may or may not consider herself a feminist - asking a bloke to do a job he's probably more physically capable of?
If you think that makes the whole of feminism a joke you seem to have a rather shallow perception of what feminism is about.

I understood it as she meant op.
That someone would go on a huff about so insignificant thing.

I mean apparenty even the husband is upset.
Seriously?

Why didn't he say no?

It's difficult isn't it. I mean, on the one hand, if you've got a table that needs moving, it's easier and quicker to ask an employee to do it than it is to call in Pickford's; further, stands to reason that with a man and woman to choose from to do this you would ask the person with the bigger frame, longer limbs and 30% greater muscle mass ie the man.

On the other hand, your husband is not sufficiently robust as to start his own thread and speak for himself so therefore the line manage made a poor choice.

If he considers himself to have been treated less favourably on grounds of his sex he could raise a grievance with HR and get advice from ACAS as to how best to protect his rights if his employer does not respond well to this.

@FieldOverFence

Is it a one-off thing that needed doing ? Or a regulaar part of the job ? I couldn't be getting in a flap about being asked to move some stuff as a once off, but if it were a regular thing it could be questionable

Would you be ok with this as a one off thing if someone said to you "you can look after this baby because you're a woman". It's still sexist even if it happens once.

@waitforitwaitforit

My husband can lift things better than me. I'm 5 foot tall, he's 6 foot and must stronger. I'm happy to lift what I can but he can physically lift much more than me. Some women are stronger than some men, but in general, men are larger and stronger. Obviously if your DH objects to lifting things as it's not his job he should raise this, but calling it sexist that he's being asked to in the first place is nonsense.

Making the tea is not remotely similar. Either sex is equally capable of making tea.

You can't lift a table or box? Really?

The manager (not his manger just a manager) is an older lady she pulled out 3 of the men and left all the women at their desks. Dh said to her it was good to see sexism was alive and thriving in the workplace which he said was quickly glossed over. One of his female colleagues said she'd help and was told no it was a 'job for the men' Turns out there were also over 200 boxes of paperwork to move none of them so heavy a woman couldn't have helped also.

Dh was pissed off to be pulled away from his actual job to do something the female managed deemed only suitable for a man.
Maybe it's just my viewpoint but I don't feel any less strong than a man I can lift pretty heavy stuff and can do most things a man can do. Dh and I don't have pink and blue jobs we just do what needs doing and if it's a heavy task we help each other.

It would seem this lady has form for roping in the fellas to do manual work. Anyway guess it's no big deal in the grand scheme of things he says there won't be a next time she can get someone else or do it herself.

You can't lift a table or box? Really?

There are many objects my DH can lift which I can't. This is the usual pattern because humans are dimorphic.

Would you be ok with this as a one off thing if someone said to you "you can look after this baby because you're a woman". It's still sexist even if it happens once.

As with the example of tea making, men are not inherently less capable of looking after a baby.

So do the women in his office make tea for everyone.

She sounds a sexist knob tbh.

I find it quite difficult to take a complaint of sexism seriously from a person who uses the word "lady", to be honest.

Of course it's wrong for jobs to be allocated based on stereotypes, but was his pay reduced? Was he harmed? Or just a bit annoyed? I'd definitely file this under M for "Meh!".