"They've made two girls unhappy to make one boy happier."

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

So said my DD, on her return from school having today, having been separated from her female partner, whom she got on really well with and worked well with, so that a boy, who didn't get on with his partner, could be sat with her instead.

It just seems like a microcosm of society in general. Let's make a large number of women unhappy, so that a small group of men can be happier.

and on your DD's behalf.

Would your daughter be okay with you reporting what she said to the school? Because she's absolutely right, and also it's a well known problem within schools (especially with girls being used as canon fodder to mitigate the behaviour of badly behaved boys, lazy boys, stupid boys...) I say that as the mother of a DS, by the way!

I have messaged her teacher about it - in a very non-confrontational way, because I like her a lot and realise she's got a whole class to manage - but just stating I think DD made an important point that should be heard.

Teachers constantly change seating plans, groups and partners around for many reasons, including the dynamics between particular kids (male or female). It's true that incidences of disruptive behaviour are higher in boys, but I'd say that 'not getting on with your partner' probably occurs just as commonly among girls as boys.

I agree wholeheartedly that trampling on women to make men happy is something that happens far too much in society, but I wonder whether this was really a boys/girls thing.

So they're still doing this in 2020? Using girls to dilute the bad behaviour of boys, because boys will be boys and girls are mere support humans?

Except in this case I suspect the boy wasn’t particularly happy either? Sounds like teacher moved seating to stop disruption rather than to please the boy?

We try and seat girl- boy- girl- boy etc

Nothing to do with happiness, but I can see why your young DD would see it as that.

@Stealhsquirrelnutkin

So they're still doing this in 2020? Using girls to dilute the bad behaviour of boys, because boys will be boys and girls are mere support humans?

Yes. My poor DD used to come home, legs covered in bruises, because she always had to sit with the naughty boy to set him an example of good behaviour. He just kicked her constantly. School didn't care. While he was kicking her he was less disruptive to everyone else.

I'm not sure its great shes noticed so you can discuss and encourage her to notice these things or whether she'd be better not noticing..

Poor girl

Its not right and clearly these things happen enough for her to make the connection

Shes not there to control others thats the teachers job

I would sometimes do this when I was teaching. The theory behind it is it helps both the more able child - in this case you daughter - and the weaker student.

It might be rubbish, and if it doesn't work out I'd expect the teacher to try something else.

I bet if she says she doesn’t seton with her new partner she will be told not to be silly and get on with it

I would sometimes do this when I was teaching. The theory behind it is it helps both the more able child - in this case you daughter - and the weaker student

I have never believed this. I was the more able child in one scenario and I was unable to complete work having to help my table partner do basics.

I was also the less able child in one senrio and completely frozen out the group they just stuck my name on the work.

Dd1 has been the buffer zone kid in both her schools. Resulted in her being unable to do work , deliberately obstructed from doing work and getting her stuff thrown about.

More able children shouldn't be held back from achieving even more highly teaching kids who are less able. They arent unpaid tas.

Sorry, I'm should be clear - it's not about the moving seats, per se. I've remained DD that their teachers move them all the time, and she'll probably be moved again before long. And in my message to her teacher I've said that know they move them a lot, and that she has a whole class to consider - but that I think DD's point is a good one and worth taking into consideration.

It just depressed me because, well, that's life, isn't it? I can think of so many examples of a majority of women suffering to make a minority of men happier. I suppose I just hadn't realised how young it starts!

@Stealhsquirrelnutkin

So they're still doing this in 2020? Using girls to dilute the bad behaviour of boys, because boys will be boys and girls are mere support humans?

The op didn't say it was because of bad behaviour though. Just that the two boys didn't get on. If the ops DD didn't get on with the girl she was sitting next to would you want the teacher to move one of them or tell them to just get on with it?

There's online school in my country and my daughter has thrived in her schoolwork because she's no longer next to the disruptive boys. Yes, they still dominate the online chats, interrupt more, speak more, etc., but teachers used her to control the classroom because she's well behaved, doesn't talk too much. She also struggles with academics and needed a bit more support. So, they took the boys who were both disruptive AND who also struggled with reading, sat them next to her and expected them to be a study team. It was always her being distracted, her being put upon, her being harassed, her being bothered, etc. We successfully had it changed a few years ago (understanding teacher), but now I'm shocked at her academic improvement...and really ashamed I didn't push this more last year.

The theory behind it is it helps both the more able child - in this case you daughter - and the weaker student

How exactly is it helping the more able child? Would love to know as my DD always gets the shit end of the stick in this situation. Went back last week and guess who is stuck next to the boy who constantly pisses about. Her friend is on the next table alone so it was done deliberately.

Dd2 kept getting put with this little sod who kicked her distracted her etc.

I spoke to them about it keeping happening. Apparently he was better when he sat with her than with others.

How exactly is it helping the more able child?

Instead of able children relying on each other they have to use their abilities to help less able.
I would never force children to work with those they don't like, but mixing abilities is a workable strategy. My own method was for everyone to choose someone they wanted to work with, then I'd pair up the pairs.

I'd find out precisely what was going. It may be this was for a single lesson, or a particular topic, or the teacher is trying a few things before settling on what works best.

Sometimes it does help the more able child to be sat next to a less able child. Teaching something you've learnt cements understanding IMO.

I know this is infuriating but I'm pretty sure it is because she is well behaved and gets on with her work rather than the fact she is female. The fact is the same thing happens to my eldest all the time because he gets on with work and hates people messing about (can't say the same for the youngest Pankhurst )

One year I did have to say something as the boy he was put with was just being a pain in the arse and surprisingly my son wants to pass his exams! So it had to stop.

Thing is teachers have to try different things to keep the peace in the classroom and motivate certain kids, unfortunately it can affect the more hardworking kids adversely.

I have sympathies for both the teachers and the kids here.

I’m not sure about this.

I think I would want my dd moved if she was really unhappy with who she was sitting with.

Unless the teacher always only moves girls to convenience boys it’s hard to declare a pattern

@Stealhsquirrelnutkin

So they're still doing this in 2020? Using girls to dilute the bad behaviour of boys, because boys will be boys and girls are mere support humans?

Not just girls BUT often girls are less disruptive so I could see it affecting them disproportionately.

Oh that's pretty heartbreaking. I'm a teacher and I don't really approve of be more able less able pairing - having been the more able partner as a child. Whilst I agree that explaining something helps you understand it, that's not the same as being someone's 1:1 TA because budget cuts means they don't get one. There are lots of ways of getting an able student to articulate something which doesn't involve making them tutor someone else.

It works both ways, I have lots of hard working studious and ‘intelligent’ boys that I pair off with girls who are struggling and ‘less academic‘ or struggle to focus!

My very well behaved (even if I do say so myself) DD had the disruptive boy sat next to her so I complained that although I appreciated that she was a good influence on him, he was disruptive to her and that wasn't acceptable - he was moved to sit by himself after that (I don't know if that was permanently)
I hadn't realised this was a boy/girl thing before (I was often moved at (single sex) school for being too talkative)

I don’t think it is always a boy girl thing.